Good lord.

I've been reading some news articles around the internets lately and I am reminded why I don't read comments.

I have seen a trend.

Fat person makes a point, reading comprehension goes to hell and there is a circle jerk of fat hate, stupidity and ad hominem attacks wrapped in the thinnest veils of being a "devils advocate" or voice of reason or whatever.

I just do not understand why it is so difficult to take in the idea that there is no one for everyone HEALTH

At some point, SOME point can we stop making comparisons between the human biodiversity and let's say other animal biodiversity?

One glance at a city street and the idea that since there isn't that much difference in the natural world of animals (the there's no fat animals argument) there can't be in humans is pretty much busted when you have a gander at the varying eye, fur (hair), skin colors in the human animal.

If humans are not supposed to be biodiverse, we would all look like X and then we could say that yes, none of us is supposed to be or might naturally be fat.

So can we stop with that already? Seriously.

Also, when it comes to discussing fat and body size why WHY do conversations often turn into I lost eleventy billion pounds drinking unicorn pee and snorting glitter so everyone can do it, then people pat the glitter snorter on the back and turn to the fat person and say, "well X did it why can't you?"

As has been proven by better scientists* than I, not one thing works for every body. If it did, then wouldn't EVERYONE fucking agree on the one special thing?

Even a casual look at the five million diets available should tell even the lay person that hrm, maybe these things aren't a magical panacea.

I will also say that if you (you as in diet shills) tell me all I have to do to change my fat ass is to do that often repeated formula of less calories in, more calories burned and I too will no longer be a fat ass and then I find out that you sell skanky "diet" supplements, I'm not going to respect anything you say.

As so many anti fat commenters around the web are fond of caterwauling about, where's the common sense?

Now being that I have met all kinds of people, ALL kinds of people with all kinds of bodies it is common sense to me that what's good for me, might not be good for them and that's okay.

That's okay even if it means they have different bodies than I do.

I still say if you are that concerned about the health of other people, you'd shut it and listen.

Pay attention to what they are saying and treat them with a modicum of kindness and respect since that's generally how one treats people one cares for.

If you have the privilege of being a super fit, thin person who can buy whatever they want to and can do everything, take a second to realize that not everyone is walking in your tight ass having pants.

That is to say, we (as in the HUGE global we) are not you.

It's okay for me not to be you. No really it is okay.

Honestly, seeing these things has reminded me why I don't read comments on news stories.

I leave you with that my homies.

Consider this an official notice from the Dowager Empress of All Fatassia herself that Nudiemuse is on hiatus while I do some coding.

CODING LIKE A MOFO.

Ahem.

Wish me luck.

Hope I am not at any point reduced to angry tears and hand flapping (no really when I get frustrated my first reaction is usually hand flapping) and then yelling.

I will return with a post with my new internets address home.

I love you homies and haters. I do hope you join me when I rehome myself with a blogging platform that doesn't suck.

Homo Out.

*Your hostess is not an actual scientist good or otherwise.

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Stuff.

I'm still in the process of redesigning and getting ready to relaunch but seriously a few things new readers should know.

I'm fat.

Yes, fat.

As these things go I'm smaller end fat or so. I don't know what the actual averages are anymore but I am fat.

So don't be shocked if I say fat a lot, or refer to myself as fat a lot cause yeah, fat.

OH right I almost forgot.

For my relaunch just so you know I am going to have a page of affiliate stuff etc because there are some programs I hand picked because I like them BUT I really don't want you folks to feel compelled to shop through them. They are just recommendations and if I get a few pennies I'm good. Those will be on their own whole wee page.

And here's where y'all come in. I need links. I want to link to lots of different bloggers and I already have quite a list but I always want more.

So bring it my darlings. Show me your blogs, blogs you love, etc etc. Give them all to me.

I'm also going to feature beauty links to companies I'm really into, beauty blogs etc.

AND of course there will be the sexy, OH YES TEH SEXY.

Hopefully if I do this right I will have a post here to indicate my new intertubes home AND my domain name will forward.

Please don't ask why I am so hell bent on doing it myself I don't know. I just am.

SO.

Ready GO GO GO GO GO..fling links, show me stuff.

I've got some for y'all too.

First some fashion links.

I'm really kind of obsessed with a few things for Spring/Summer including-

I Love this style of sandal with the almost naked food. There is something about the leg bare with the almost naked foot that I think is terribly sexy.

Also a good shape for me because I have little wonky chicken toes and strappy sandals make my poor wee ugly pinkie toes hurt.

Can we talk about Target for a second?

Being the size I am I have the privilege of being able to jam it into stretchy Jrs sizes XL/XXL most of the time. And given my budget I love Targets summer stuff.

I plan on hopefully picking up a couple of these dresses. I love the shape, I love the fabric. Comfy and cheap. AND my homies I suggest trying some on. If you're a smaller busted up to an 18-20 they could work for you.

My other favorite thing from target are the Long and Lean tanks. They are long enough that I believe they will fit a number of sizes depending on how you like em to fit. For a tighter fit I like a size L for a looser fit I get the XXL. These are low priced and cheap enough that even if they don't fit perfectly they are excellent for layering.

Being that I don't have a big fashion budget, I can't afford most plus size retailers and get in where I fit in.

OH that reminds me.

Pants.

So in my continued search for a pair of replacement plain black not denim boot cut pants I snagged a pair of Old Navy Perfect Khaki's at Goodwill in a size 14.

Now if you've been playing along at home I've already learned that the size 16 low rise fit under the bellybutton in the waistband but leave my poor ass just swimming. Even my big hams are swimming and the fit made me sad.

I figured the 14's would be perfect.

Well, from just under the actual waistband they do fit perfectly. Make my ass look all round and cute, fit the hams but the waistband itself lacks about a quarter of an inch of stretch that would make it fit perfectly.

I could be really upset but I just kind of shake my head and laugh a little. This is fairly absurd.

For next fall/winter I'm going to rely on the pull on pants sort and save myself all this bullshit.

NOW.

Remember my homies, give me your links and words of encouragement as I get ready to move to wordpress. Have any sage advice? Hit me with it.

I love you guys.

Homo Out.

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Fat girl on girl action.

All right my homies.

Today we're talking first time girl on girl sex, featuring one fat lady and one not so fat lady who want some advice about stuff.

Our lovely bi lady said this in a nutshell (identifying stuff was removed by me beacuse she's shy)

We shall call our homie Shylady.

Shylady let me know that she is dating her first girlfriend and that they are about ready to get it on and she's super nervous. She also wants to know a little more specifically if there's anything she should be thinking about because she is a fat lady and her girl is not and she needs some reassurance.

First thing HOT DAYUM stand right up Shylady and do a victory dance. Congratulations on having your first girlfriend that is fucking awesome.

Next thing take a big long deep breath, sit down and relax.

Let's get one thing out of the way.

If your new gf was not into you, and into your fat booty than you probably wouldn't have needed to ask this question.

So to answer your unasked question, you are a hot fat piece of ass baby. I'm certain if you ask your girlfriend will say the same thing.

Onto some logical things.

If you are planning your special night here are some things I would have on hand.

If you are going to have toys and whatnot have lube handy. If you want to be extra super awesome as a girlfriend, ask your lady what kind she prefers. Hell be even more awesome and if she has lube she likes invite her to bring it along.

If you plan on using toys get rubbers. Even if you've both been tested it's the polite and awesome thing to do. And it's another thing you two can talk about and maybe even do together.

See where I'm going here?

If you are planning your night of awesome girl on girl action, do it together.

Go shopping together.

Head to your local adult toystore and go crazy. Get lube, get rubbers, if you're feeling super spunky maybe you two can chip in on an awesome new toy to use together.

Now other things to do pre-doing it date. (And this part is also helpful for anyone who's dating or plans on doing the sex with someone who has biological lady parts)

Prior to your date either go get or give yourself a manicure. Make sure you don't have any hangnails, sharp edged nails etc. Until you know your partner really well err on the side of caution.

I say this because some ladies enjoy a little bite so to speak with nails in their pussy region some don't. If in doubt ask and show your girl your nails so she can judge.

Next thing to do, realize that things are not going to be soft focused Skinomax perfection.

You're going to bump noses when you try to kiss, someone might get their pubes pulled by accident, you might drop your toys on the floor, fall out of bed, fart etc. Stuff happens and it's okay.

Be open to laughing at yourself. Even first time sexy things do not have to be serious business. Sex is funny, it really is.

Humans make weird faces, weird noises, we say random things in the throes of orgasm and it's okay.

Don't let your nervousness eat up your excitement. I know that being with a girl for the first time can be super intimidating. Just remember, if she wasn't all about you she would not be getting into your bed.

As for techniques- do not do stuff you've seen in mainstream porn.

I will repeat that for the whole class.

Do not use mainstream porn as your go to area for what is hot.

Instead of doing that for you Shy I would say first think about how you like to be touched and touch your lady that way. And ask her.

Yes ask.

Regardless of what culture may say you're supposed to do (oh it's natural between women blablabla) ask her.

The thing is that female sexual response is as varied as there are varying sorts of women types.

Some women like a lot of penetration and a little other stimulation, some women can climax from nipple stimulation alone, some women might crawl all over you after you nibble a certain spot on their neck.

Being that you two have never had sex, don't put pressure on yourself to somehow magically know what she wants and how to satisfy her.

If you want to prolong the foreplay try talking about your sexual wants and needs before you plan on having sex.

It doesn't have to be phone sex level sexy but even the conversation can be a good tingle inducing warm up.

Remember you two my darlings are in charge. You got the wheel and I suggest driving it however you wanna.

Now I open the floor to all my lady lovin (or been lady loved) readers.

Have advice?

Share in the squee?

Tell a funny story?

If you guys are super nice I will tell you a funny story that involves me trying to be all Vagina Monologue's awesome, a fall and a sprain.

Trufax my darlings.

The big move/relaunch is coming along.

I have got BIG BIG plans and I'm having to slow myself down so I don't get overwhelmed and whatnot.

With that I leave you with this.

Remember my homies, I think that you are Mother Fucking Christmas. And I love you.

Go forth and frolic.

Homo Out.

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