Lydia Motherfucking Lunch.

As you might guess from the title I absolutely love Lydia Lunch. She is amazing. Seriously one of my fucking heroines.

As you might guess I'm also an Exene Cervenka fan too.

So yes before you ask I really love women who are frightening and challenging. Big fucking brains are sexy.

One thing they both have in common are these fantastic creative lives that I admit I envy.

I have promised myself that if I am ever successful enough with my creative life to support myself in a comfortable way (read that as not working a regular job or at least working somewhere that loves the freaky people and pays them big pimping monies) I am getting the words "fuck you" tattooed on the inside of my right middle finger.

Why would I do such a thing?

The flippant answer is because I goddamn want to. The more serious and honest answer is that's quite honestly how I feel about your average regular life. I don't need fame or fortune. I have no desire to be on magazine covers and TV. What I awnt is to live and work in irregular and wonderful places. With strange people doing strange things. In places where the fact that I want (or have) fuck you tattooed on my finger isn't indicative of non-hire be suspicious status but rather, where people will say right on. I want to spend my life living around and working with people who will look at that and say, "You're a nut but I love it."

That's what I've always wanted but for a long time I was afraid to even hope.

I thought for a long time that my want to live this strange and wonderful life was asking too much. It was that whole idea that people who don't walk the line of what's normal and what you're "supposed" to do are either insane or somehow less than other people.

It wasn't until I really grew into my Fuck You attitude that I realized that nobody has any fucking right to tell me how to live my life or what to dream about. It was very freeing to reach that point.

I have reached the point that I can temper my feelings of fuck you with the knowledge that I can't always say it. That sometimes yes I'm going to have to lower the freak flag a little bit. But now instead of getting all emo about it I can deal. That's a relief.

What else?

OH holy crap.

So I got my hands on Amira's Bellydance 101 DVD this weekend but didn't get to preview it until last night. And oh dear lord how I love this woman.

The first thing that struck me when watching the extras is that Amira has this lovely voice and is not a fitness trainer or instructor. To clarify I don't have anything against fitness instructors/trainers who teach belly dance but, it can be a daunting thing. At least for me personally. I have to say it's far more difficult for me to not feel like, "OMG how is my fat ass going to do that?" stupid I know.

Also I love the way Amira talks about bellydance in the beginning of the exercise portion. She talks about it being open to everybody, and you can tell from her tone of voice and the way she speaks that it's not just lip service. Also the DVD is slow paced enough that I won't hurt myself and she does a great job of showing you what she's talking about so I am excited.

If I had 90 extra dollars I would SO buy this PVC dress. I've never really been quite so interested in PVC. Again because I thought I was too fat and jiggly for such things. But fuck that. I want SHINY.

I also want this underbust corset. I still don't understand people hating on corsets. Personally aside from the back pain easing they can do I love being able to pretty much entirely change the shape of my body at will. It's fun.

But then again I still enjoy clothing more as costume than anything else. My rather theatrical sense of style is still totally in effect.

Speaking of I am pricing buying myself a set of dreadfalls to wear during the winter. Although I found a US supplier for Elysee star dreads that I could possibly find someone to put in for me if I can't figure out how to do it myself.

So yes, I am retreating further and further into the batcave. And also trying to figure out how to incorporate some more absurd things into my wardrobe without scandalizing my workplace.

Also my clothing tip for the day for sizes 0 to about 26 is Frederick's of Hollywood.

In some of their items you can have measurements up to 52-45-54 or so. And of course if things are stretchy those can be fudged some. And they have super hoochie shoes that go from size 5 to 15.5. So listen big footed big titty havin hotties. Go get your hoochie on.

Also if something isn't listed in your size do not be afraid to call. I've been shopping with Frederick's for years and years and have always had friendly helpful people. I like them TONS more than Victoria's secret.

I think that's all I'm going to make tea and listen to music.

Homo Out.

Tags: bellydance, big girl love, clothes, synth dreads

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News and boobies for change..

I was just cruising Reuters and saw this story about breastfeeding awareness in the Philippines. I think that is really cool that many women got together to make a point.

And speaking of boobies I want one of these years to go to TribalFest and dance. You have no idea how seriously cool I think it would be. However I do need to actually learn how to bellydance more before even thinking about it.

This is a really cool article about the history of bellydance.

Ugh i am getting a migraine so nevermind.

Homo Out.

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Only in the future.

First of all let me say right now that I am SO in love with Jennifer Hudson it's not even funny.

Gorgeous Voice.
Her skin? Don't even get me started.
Hair is fabulous.
But goddamn that body.

Look at how gorgeous she is:




I mean COME on look at her.

So in looking at LOTS of photos of her I have a similar build except my legs are nowhere near that long and she's a bit slimmer than I am.

Which brings me to point number.

I want to be a bellydancer.

Yeah I know I know you're thinking "yeah you've said that a million times." The main difference is that I want to be performing. Maybe in a troupe within five years.

Five years.

I want to be in something like Hands of Kali. I want to make fabulous costumes. I want to teach other women to belly dance.

Part of my reasoning for this is some self healng. I very firmly believe that finding something to do that makes you feel like a Goddess is much more healing than medication or therapy. I don't want to talk my way to feeling like the wonderful gift of nature that I am. i want to proactively DO it.

So yeah. Until I can afford regular belly dance lessons I am going to write to some local people to see what all they recommend. I'm also going to get into better shape and start doing yoga again.

That is what the plan is goddamn it.

In other pantsless news today I am wearing a full length brown velvet skirt, black wife beater, black textured tights, mary janes, and my black velvet/poly hoody.

I am also wearing the Vanilla Chai perfume I got from Fyrinnae and it is a delicious smell. Not overpowering too sweet vanilla but a lovely spicy mellow vanilla that I find very sexy. I keep sniffing my boobs since I dabbed some in my cleavage.

I also really like how this particular beater fits. The U neckline and the slightly chubby cleavage look is teh hawtness.

For right now though I need to motivate myself to hustle on up to Safeway for a new water bottle. I was going to stop on my way to work but got sidetracked by ya know getting to work on time.

First test calls to make.

Weee prank calling myself FUN.

Homo Out.

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When I grow up

I think I want to be in something like RaqsGothique. Not necessarily the moving to Oz part but, I'd do that too.

I've been obsessed with bellydancing since I was a little kid and since I was gifted with some DVD's over Christmas (Boy and Gurl Venus I love you two) I'll be able to start. I'm also making a list of other DVD's to add to my collection. WEEEE!

So yeah YAY.

And hopefully either this Spring or Summer I'll be able to take some classes. That would r0xx0r.

Since my knees etc have been better because I've added MSM as a supplement I am really looking forward to getting back in shape. I mean that very seriously. I know that's been one of the things that's contributed to my feelings of serious crap. So yeah. Bellydancing and yoga ahoy.

However I seriously need at least one good sportsbra. Getting a titty in the eye might sound good in theory but I'd rather not give myself a black eye.

I really need to pick up one of those basket tea brewing things like this one. Actually I probably will pick that up next month. Thanks to a dear friend I have some really amazing Pu Erh and hojicha loose teas and my dented dollar store tea infuser is just not cutting it. That and I use a big insulated cup and can't get enough tea into the ball to make a good strong cup.

I love hojicha brewed very strong. Makes my tastebuds happy.

Speaking of I have some of the cheapie hojicha that I bought at the grocery store in my purse.

Happily I just made my Puritans Pride order. I got myself some more MSM and am going to try taking melatonin so maybe I get some decent motherfucking sleep. And because I had a 5$ off coupon and a coupon for free shipping I also picked up a buy one get one free tea tree blemish stick because my skin dun gone CRAZY. Cold meds and my skin do not get along at all.

I'm not one to make big New Year's Resolutions but, I have promised myself that I would be gentler with myself and take better care of my body.

No, that doesn't mean I'm ready to quit smoking yet but I am ready to be nicer to myself.

Okay I'm spent. And annoyed and I don't want to talk about it.

Homo out.

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