Stuff and whantot.

First beforecontent while I am limping along with my Nanoword count (speaking of, Team Awesome -yes I unofficially call all of my Nano buddies Team Awesome- how are y'all doin?) Rachel I have no idea with Torrid feel free to email me at nudiemuse@nudemuse.org that address. :)

Just a few things then back to this monster I'm calling a novella.

First of all Trolls I'm talking to you.

If all you want to do is call me a fatass skip it. It's a waste of your bandwidth and my time clearing the shit out of my inbox.

Remember folks, calling someone "names" when they are pretty constantly saying the same fucking thing is boring and you're not even trying. Save your wrath for someone who's feelings you're actually going to hurt if that's your aim.

Second thing on my list (no really I made a little list so I wouldn't forget anything) I have some sexytimes advice to give and put a question out to some of my penis having/loving homies. So answers soon.

Thirdly, the weight I thought I gained was in fact a bit of bloating. I don't know how often I've mentioned it but I have some digestive issues and now that those have calmed down to a dull roar my pants fit better except of course for the ones that are too big.

Speaking of pants.

I went to Target on Sunday to see if I could find any that I liked. I did but, I am a smidge too fat for the juniors size 15 and the rise on the ones I liked was a little too low and I'm too small for the plus size pants (what few I found) and I had a little bit of a fit. And admittedly I fully had that "well if I was a little thinner" moment. It was a rough one folks.

The fact is that I keep seeing TONS of things that fit with my aesthetic go on sale hither and yon that would fit if I was about a size smaller. I had to really take a moment to work it out in my head. My body is at it's natural set point give or take ten pounds. Now I did spend some time working out what it would take for me (not anyone else, just me) to lose and maintain enough weight to lose an overall dress/pants size.

Currently I would say that my level of fitness is medium. Pretty good for me personally. I can dart up the stairs (knees willing) without huffing and puffing, I can make my walk to my bus stop which is a little under quarter of a mile at a good pace. Physically I'm doing pretty well if I do say so myself.

Now, in order for me to lose enough weight to actually make an entire dress size I would have to sustain (not just for a little while but as long as I wanted to maintain that weight) myself on a starvation level diet coupled with a hell of a lot of exercise and neither of those would be very good for me.

Mainly because I do not beleive that it would behoove my current and future health to do damage to my body with levels of activity it can't handle. This has nothing to do with my current weight but with the same health problems I've had for most of my life fat or not. I don't believe that it would be healthy for me in the long run to spend my time in pain, having a hard time walking just so I can buy more pants.

And the food.

Yeah I don't want to spend my time (and I've done it before) being faint or having my blood sugar drop precipitously. I don't want to be ragy all the time because I'm fucking hungry. I just don't.

And I really had to take a few minutes on Sunday to remind myself of these things in a concrete fashion.

I thought long and hard about this and saving a few bucks on pants when I need them isn't worth the stress or detriment to my health both current and future. It really just isn't.

Am I still a little peeved about it? Fuck yes I am. Fuck yeah I'd like to go round to whatever random sale I find and know I'll most likely be able to buy some pants but, I'm not so annoyed that I want to hurt myself to make it happen.

I did however get myself a replacement for my favorite knit skirt (that Old Navy fold over waist one) for 4$.

But then boo again, I could not find a bra I liked that came in a 40DD. Lots of 38's but not 40.

So I will probably reorder the bra I love from Torrid at some point.

In other news it is SO funny to me how much that ass seam in the We love Colors tights bugged me. I am super persnickety and neurotic about random things like that. I think if it was an up and down the buttcrack type seam I wouldn't have such an issue, it's the u shape.

I was thinking about it and really whenever I can feel seams (whether or not said seams are weird ass seams or are actually large or not) I don't like it. I have SUCH a thing about that.

One last wee thing I was wondering if any of you folks know what I'm talking about here.

Sometimes at the little import market Uniballer and I go to there are these enormous slightly super ugly pears that they get in. The sign is in Korean so I can't read it and I CANNOT find what they are called. They are usually more brownish than green, the texture is very juicy and they aren't rock hard like the pears I usually get. And they are huge, like the palm of my hand huge. They aren't the crisper Japanese pears and they almost look like Bosc pears but on roids and greener.

Am I hallucinating these pears? Are they not pears at all?

Does anyone know what the fuck I'm yammering about?

Okay now I am off to eat a little food and do some writing.

I love you guys.

Homo Out.

PS I'm going to try some new tags to try and make sure this doesn't post on the Fatosphere feed twice.

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And we're back.

No, I'm not entirely out of the bad brain place fog but I'm getting there.

And let me say AGAIN how much I love you guys. You really have no idea how much it means to me that there are those of you who get it and everything. I have words but thank you.

I have to keep reminding myself that I AM worth the effort and yes sometimes the cost. It's amazing how hard of a thing that is.

Moving along. I believe I saw this first via TR and um, okay if fat people are really warmer why the FUCK am I half frozen 80% of the time?

To be honest I refused to read the whole thing.

However I will say that my fatness has been cheated out of this increasing warmth. If it is under say 60 degrees I get cold.

So I'm suffering being a cold fat person.

Someone owes my fatass some extra heat. Then my big plan will come to fruition I will topple the mitten industry with my fatness and extra heat thus forcing people to ask ME to crochet them mittens. Then I will make eleventybilliondollars and live fat and happy and fucking rich.

Visualize me rolling my eyes mightily.

Of all of the silly shit I've seen fat people blamed for from the decline in the environment to the failing economy this is on my top five of the absurd.

Fuck that noise.

Moving along.

I was involved in a conversation with an etsy store owner recently that quite honestly has me stumped.

So this fancy things maker (who has some lovely items and clearly has mad skillz) has a shop. I was cruising through her shop and saw an item I fell in LOVE with.

I read her policies, read about the item and somehow in the description where she claimed that it was an item that can be made to custom measurements, she neglected to mention that what that actually meant was custom measurements up to a 30" waist.

I learned that "custom measurements" meant a size XL with a 30" waist after I'd emailed her for further info.

While I will say I responded politely I was also quite firm in saying that I think it would be really helpful to clarify what she meant in the listing.

She responded with this very long email talking all about how she's had ever so many problems with crabby ass (not her exact words but her meaning) fatties who want to *CLUTCH YOUR PEARLS* buy and wear her fabulous clothes. She explained that it's not her fault that she can't figure out how to make a simple (yet fabulous) A Line dress to specifications other than what she has listed. It's not her fault that she doesn't really know any "bigger people" to help her out.

If you've been playing along at home (and let me say it again if you're new) I am not inclined to feel sorry for people when they whine about these things.

Frankly work it the fuck out or at least be upfront so I don't have to waste my time talking to you.

Really if she'd just said I don't know how to make plus size clothes or said, you know that's a good point I should add that to my listings or something of the sort I wouldn't be annoyed.

My hunt for the perfect boots continues.

Let me show you the ones I am replacing because I am pretty sure they are a decade old and they aren't really water resistant as much as I need them to be. And they are finally looking pretty ratty.



Those are very old Nana boots that I bought at freaking Hot Topic for under a 100$ that have lasted through being worn a lot. When I first bought them I probably wore them pretty much daily for a good six months.

Since then my calves have gotten bigger and more muscly- no wait before I get to that can I just say that despite the fact that I was a bit fatter when I bought these boots and some other ones I own I never had a problem with getting boots to fit round my calves until they got all muscly.

Muscles=boot hell apparently.

While I'm in a picture showing mood the whole outfit from that set, taken last April. And sadly that little sweater vest I got out of the depths of the clearance rack at target is no more. It was only 4$ so I can't complain but a moment of silence please.

Anyway...here's that whole outfit.



(Note the awesome coffee stain on the carpet by my foot. I did that within a week of moving in I shit you not. Also I'm wearing almost the same outfit in the next picture if you click through to go look, different burgundy sweater, different black skirt but almost the same LOL@myself.)

Wait what was I going to say?

OH right.

So here I am with my now hard and muscly calves that are no longer squishy enough to jam into boots that I like. Note that I say that I like.

I like Gothy Stompy boots. Clearly.

And it seems that most of the styles of boots I like the companies seem to think that folks (oh boys you too my darlings) who like gothy stompy boots have thin calves, all of them do. Some do yes but lots of us don't and it's fucking with my vision.

Now in order to replace this look in my wardrobe I think I'm going to have to either suck it up and buy some more Doc Martens then spend the winter in agony breaking them in or let go of the vision and go with another style. I haven't decided yet.

I'm thinking it's going to be the former. I have some money saved up that isn't dedicated to rent, food or utility bills. Not a whole lot but some. And I can save up a bit more for the docs which I'll probably buy from Zappos because OH right that's what else I was going to tell you guys.

Zappos CS has to be some of the friendliest and most helpful I've encountered in retail. I've called and used their online live customer service and asked if it looks like a boot has expansion room. They are really helpful so if you need help or have a jackassy question call or email or whatever. Excellent.

Speaking of shoes, I need some advice from you guys.

I kind of want to relearn how to walk in heels. After I stopped wearing stripper shoes regularly (both for fun and profit), I pretty much stopped wearing heels entirely. These days though I'd like a pair or two and here's my dilemma. Do I start with lower heels or chunky heels?

I do have back and knee problems so heels won't be a frequent thing but I would like to wear a pair when I feel like it without teetering and/or busting my ass.

I actually started this yesterday and I think I'm spent. I'm going to drink some tasty oolong tea that my partner Uniballer bought me the other day. It came highly recommended by a wee tiny little old lady who lives in our neighborhood and who just LOVES him, loves him like she will take his arm in the store like he's her grandson loves him and it's adorable.

So yeah time for me to wrap up my random for the day.

Thank you again you guys. For your support and your internets loves and hugs. And for giving me necklaces and everything. EVERYTHING.

I love you guys.

Homo Out.

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