Indeed I do.

I'm not going to discuss the current fuss in the fatosphere because you know what? As I said yesterday I've been through it in this neighborhood before and I'm really just not in the mood today. Maybe tomorrow.

Rather I want to talk about some newish feelings I have about current feminism.

Now for you new folks I (as of what sometime last year?) no longer identify as a feminist. The last time I discussed it in depth was here.

For today keep this in mind. I am speaking to my own experiences here. These are my impressions and my feelings so if you want to disagree that's fine but, do take in the fact that I'm not trying to present facts or empirical evidence, I'm not linking to anything because I have no intention of having a beef with anyone.

This is how I feel.

Something I've come to slowly is that I'm terribly seriously and extraordinarily turned off by hard line anything. The idea that only what you're saying is appropriate and good and right, turns me off. When I get that impression I quite frankly stop listening or caring.

The fundamentalist viewpoint when it comes to any issue I come across is generally the first viewpoint that I like to edge out of my radar.

Fundamentalist views often get makes in my next issue with feminism as I have been experiencing it lately. The I'm educated and therefore correct attitude.

That isn't to say I have any sort of objection to being educated. I don't have a big problem with academia. What I do have an issue with is using academia and academic language to create a barrier between people. Especially when the people one is trying to reach may not be in that particular academic club.

It's just not my bag.

Additionally, as ever I have no patience for the idea that you cannot be a feminist if you do/believe/or feel like X. I think that's bullshit and I have a severe allergy to bullshit.

I don't like it (as if you've been reading me for awhile you're probably perfectly aware) when dissenting views are castigated for simply being dissenting. I personally have learned far more about the things I am passionate about by speaking to people who might not necessarily agree than talking about them with people who are just as for it as I am.

You can only pass around so many nods before things turn into a circle jerk.

I'm tired of hearing what issues are and aren't important. As with any set of issues that fall under a large umbrella term, if so and so with the eleventy billion readers, and forty contributors who all are brilliant educated people who also have written loads of important books and articles say, that X is an important issue and other issues are just Not. As. Important. I don't dig it.

I don't dig it because while yes, lots of things are tragedies, miscarriages of justice and fucking terrible there are only so many things I have space in my head to get worked up about. And if I were to express this in a lot of feminist oriented spaces I am familiar with, stones would be thrown. I don't like this trend towards having to search out every atrocity and get worked up about it.

The issue is not a lack of caring on my part, I do in fact care. However, my actual life is pretty fucking stressful and I only have enough Sanity Points for so much stress before I want to explode. I just don't. Which is why I have a tendency to not read comments on blogs or news articles. Which is why if within the first couple of paragraphs of something, if I think it's going to piss me off, I take a minute to figure out whether or not this is something I really need to be angry about.

Now maybe the spaces I'm thinking of do in fact welcome these sorts of opinions I don't know but frankly I don't have the patience to find out.

Moving along.

I have been trying to read a few contemporary blogs on the recommendations of a few trusted friends and I keep running into the same roadblocks.

A lot of what I'm reading just has nothing to do with the actual life I live. I have no special feminist tingle from the sort of I'm wearing designer shoes fist pumping type feminism I see a lot of. I don't identify.

I don't identify with the whole look at me I've got money and I'm awesome and Fuck you kind of feminism I've seen a lot of lately.

Basically it boils down to this.

I have an extreme intolerance to fundamentalism in any form. Whether it's religious, political or personal. I will not partake in things where if you do not believe in the One. True. Way. or you have the gonads to disagree with those in the position of disseminating the One. True. Way. Fuck you type mentality.

That's not the kind of person I am and it's not the kind of things I support when I come across it.

That is my big issue with a lot of current feminism, aside from rampant transphobia, racism (in the forms of blatant, insidious and sneaky and racism via ignorance) etc. I'm just not having it.

I think I'm done.

I'll revisit the issue maybe round my birthday when I tend to get introspective.

I have been doing some work regarding my feelings about religion and sprituality over on Dreamwidth. I am highly protective of it and have been waffling about opening it up. I'm not sure yet. I will probably make a decision this week and if anyone is interested in my yammering about spirituality (as in my OWN with the occasional side rant) let me know.

The essays are coming along. I've pulled about fourteen entries from here, some of my archived stuff from the Diary-x days and have been working on new ones. I'm not sure if they will be ready to be released on Lulu (yeah I know I could probably shop them around but I'm honestly not ready for that) by the holidays or not. The process has been way more intensely emotional than I'd anticipated I've hit some emotional land mines that surprised me and frankly it scares the pee out of me.

So with that my darlings I'm spent. I'm going to continue my research for Nanowrimo. I'm really excited about it this year. I'm going to be doing a vampire novel with way less focus on the European model of vampires. My main vampire is an ancient Nubian. There is going to be a lot of Egyptian religion, some of my own flavor of vampire mythos, sex, blood, and monsters who love being monsters. The type I've said before who will rip out your throat and fuck the hole and still feel good about themselves in the morning. Self loving monsters.

So yeah I'm still yammering fuck man. Okay now I'm really done. I'm going to stretch, make some tea and probably do a little fiction writing.

Homo Out.

PS a few people have asked where my little tag line comes from. I'll retell the story tomorrow.

Stumble It!

Today I turn in my rusty badge.

I know I made mention of speaking on feminism earlier this week and I think today is it.

If feminism was a badge mine would be old, rusty, dented and probably chipped and I'm turning it in.

I don't want to rehash the whole Seal Press thing but are you fucking serious with this? Let me state the following then move on.

Also it doesn't matter if you think something is gross then show support for it. That kind of fucks up what you're saying. This is better.

And white feminists, listen to your homies. If you won't listen to the people you're pissing off listen to your friends. Seriously.

Karnythia actually speaks about this far better than I can or care to.

Now onto my own feminist thing.

My first serious introduction to feminism was not good at all. I was introduced to feminism via some (now I can see) very mixed up and angry women. They had bastardized a bunch of Andrea Dworkin-esque philosophies into what came off as just plain fucking crazy.

Because I was young and eager to be schooled by people I thought had knowlege to impart to me in some fantastic sisterhood of coming of age whatnot, I didn't think to question a lot of the things they said to me. Matter of fact what they did was make me feel like shit, they were abusive and just plain mean. It was fucked up and turned me off to anything even feminist scented for quite a long time.

Then I discovered sex positive feminists who I loved.

I found women who resonated with me and I started reading.

By then I was probably 20 or so. In the intervening years my feminism badge has seen some shit. And for quite a long time I put it down.

This recent race and feminism train wreck was not the first time I've experienced this sort of thing. More personally and it was devastating to me. So I didn't quite lose interest but I decided that I had no use for those people.

Now at 31 years old I have figured out what I want.

I have no interest in infighting, back biting, whining, "safe spaces", etc. I am not interested in hearing why how I present myself to the world, how I speak, what I think is funny, what I think is fucking offensive etc is wrong or whatever.

In short, fuck you. No really fuck you. If you have a moment of thought where you think it's perfectly okay to push your agenda into my head fuck off.

I have no further use for my feminism badge and I'm putting it away. I'm not throwing it away, but I don't want to look at it or hear about it.

In other news yesterday on getting home from work I found not only my lovely perfume sample from Magickal Realism over at Etsy. The owner Diane Rajchel makes some motherfucking awesome smell goods. Full review tomorrow when I'm not so tired.

I also got my AromaLeigh samples and OH EM EFF MOTHERFUCKING GEE I am already ass over tea kettle in LOVE with a couple of the shades and I haven't even worn them yet. Expect a full review Monday probably.

Um yeah.

I'm spent. I am super tired and wanna go home and drink beer.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!