Seriously?

I am a little in a state of, "wait what? No seriously what the fuck." today. So this will probably not be fluffy.

First bit, Attrice posted about protein water. No really read those two words again. Protein. Water.

Wait...what?

WUT?

I find the whole idea disgusting beyond the idiocy of what I am now deeming as Anorexia style weightloss. Because really, when you get to the point where you're adding shit to your water so you don't eat and yet, magically of course there are hardly any calories in it yeah. Fucking wow.

Moving on because I'm grossed out.

I want to talk about the current state of my ass.

Apparently since sometime in um...March or April I've gained some weight. How much? don't know. Enough that two of my three pairs of pants are too tight in more than a slightly uncomfortable way.

My first thought upon discovering this while I was getting dressed today was literally oh shit.

My next thought was, I cannot afford new pants.

And then finally as I was digging for something else to wear, I thought now what the fuck is going on here?

I've been walking more since the weather has warmed up, no big diet changes. Some additional activity as my joints allow and shit.

It's not enough weight to go up a whole pants size and I'm at a loss as to what to do.

First thing I'm going to do is call a moratorium on new clothes for right now because I can't afford to be buying things that may not fit soonish. This is kind of fucking up my program.

From a pragmatic point of view I really can't financially afford to rebuy clothes right now or in the near future. Also I have a sneaking suspicion that the dress I bought to wear to Wicked is not going to fit.

I've been discussing it with Uniballer and we are going to do some diet adjustment.

I really am starting to love my wardrobe and honestly don't want to start all over or be stuck really way between sizes again because that sucks.

Quite frankly if you want to be offended feel free. I don't really care because you're not walking in my cute little sneakers.

I mention them because I bought this pair of cute all black sneakers on Ebay yonks ago and I love them. I'm not really a sneaker person in general but these rocks my no sock wearing self.

Also I just got some new summer shoes since the ones I've been wearing are torn and my other pair is dead.

I picked up these cute things on sale. When they get here to celebrate the toes are getting the disco treatment. Which means, they will be black with glitter on top.

I really want this ring.

In other news, I uploaded some new stuff to Flickr. I am really enjoying learning photography so much. I even have a textbook that a dear friend was sweet enough to give me. I am excited about learning this stuff in a huge way. I am what you could call creatively greedy and I have an obscene obsession with learning to be more of a visual artist.

I can't paint, I can't draw so goddamn it I am going to take some pretty pictures.

What else?

I think I'm about spent.

Although I have to say I met such a hot fat girl today good lord if I was single and looking. She said hello to me and I seriously stammered people. I was totally staring and felt all giddy and stupid.

So embarrassing but, I will confess beautiful people can do that to me. I mean seriously whoa. Holy hotness. Not to mention she had on some kick ass shoes that made me squee a little.

Now I'm going to sit here and pine for the double bacon/cheeseburger that Uniballer is on his way to go get right now.

Homo out.

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Tasty foods.

I've tried some new foods recently and I wanna share.

First one that I will admit was a total surprise (I was super skeptical about it) are the Chips from Corazonas Heart-Healthy Snacks. I got a two bag (pretty good size) sample of their tortilla chips and OMG.

The Margarita Lime chips are so freaking tasty.

No seriously they are. Awhile back I tried a similar product and they tastes awful. Too dry and way too grody. The Corazonas however have the perfect amount of lime flavor and the crunch is lovely. I want to sit with those and drink a very tasty beer.

I even wrote then to tell them I'd be talking about their tasty foods and that I dig their tasty goods.

Next up.

Last weekend Uniballer and I went out for lunch on Saturday and had some UBER tasty Australian Meat pies . Now if you are a wandering Aussie, or an American who just likes the idea of meat inside a pie with gravy in it go get you some of that.

My favorite is the beef with cheese and bacon. Um yeah hot meaty and delicious. Perfect size for those of us with wee hands, also it comes in a little paper envelope thing so less mess. Very good to grab and go across the street to sit on a bench and OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.

They also have a bit of an assortment of tasty Aussie snacks including Tim Tams, Weetbix and even Cadbury chocolate.

And I say again.

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM.

So yeah delicious.

We have been eating really fabulously this week. Grocery Outlet had these bags of breaded frozen tasty wild caught Alaskan Pollak fish and zomfg. So tasty. So we ate fish three days in a row and it was fantastic.

I believe this weekend I am going to make Uniballer go with me to get a red velvet cupcake from Cupcake Royale. Really tasty red velvet cake is difficult to find outside of the South and I am TEH EXCITED YO.

I am also currently working on a business plan.

Holy shit dude I can't believe I said that.

Anyway. I want to open an estore. I also am going to work on my spreadshirt store and try to get some of my nerdy pervo designs going.

That's all for today.

I am really tired. And my head hurts like hell.

Goodnight.

Homo Out.

Tags: food

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Astonishing.

I found a link via BigLiberty on the Fatosphere feed and wow.

Fat Hate.

I read through a lot of them and have a few reflections.

First of all I saw a lot of irrational and frankly absurd. After looking around at a bit of the rest of that website I get it. You go, you rant anonymously I would think you feel better about whatever it was pissing you off in the first place. What's missing there is the mirror. What's that saying about hating in others what we loathe in ourselves?

Being that I am not extremely fat, nor am I even very fat as far as fatness goes I have experienced people being more direct with me about weight. Some of what I've heard:

Me: I think I've gained a few pounds. (Mostly an observation going on the fit of what I was wearing)

Other Person: Well if you'd just....*insert lengthy sermon about eating "power foods", "the color diet", "Slimfast", yadda yadda.*

Me: Um thanks for the info but I'm not actually trying to lose weight.

Other Person: But, you've gained weight and you're fat now. Almost- (this part was fantastic) really fat.

For the record at the time I was wearing a pair of size 5 pants that felt kind of snug in the "I am BLOAAAAAAAAAAAAATED" kind of way. No, I'm serious.

More recently I have gotten a lot of "tips" from people. Some I wasn't offended, they were just trying to be nice. Others not so much.

Frankly at this point I can't say I give two shits.

So fuck em.

In other news. I've seen a lot about Intuitive Eating on the Fatosphere lately. TR did a very nice primer post about it.

Personally I have been familiar with the concept for years but not in the it has an official name kind of way. And really unfortunately like so many other health related pains I am a little conflicted.

To me (and yes I am biased) Intuitive Eating is something that sounds amazingly fabulous if you are not poor. Or really poor. If you are poor, or really poor it really really REALLY fucking sucks.

Why would it suck? Easy.

Say you are trying very hard to use your Intuitive Eating know how and you have, chicken, creamy chicken and beef ramen, a tablespoon of PB, some crusty mayo, some maybe still okay to eat if you close your eyes and pretend bread, some unidentifiable packages in the freezer that may or may not be actual food and for fun you've got some of those condiment packets because when you're poor enough (I KNOW some of you have been here and crammed as many of those as you could into pockets and purses) and what you really really want is an apple, some nice sharp chedder that doesn't come in a can or something. So you are listening to your body, fantastic. However you have 20$ to your name, payday is 6 days away and you need the following.

Tampons
Bum wipe
Bus Fare

Not much right? Actually no. Let's say bus fare adds up to 2.50 a day and you are working the next five days. That is 12.50$. Still with me?

Generic dollar store tampons (You get two boxes of Super because face it, a lot of the time dollar store tampons don't get the job done right and you're bleeding already) 2$.

Up to 14.50$.

And bum wipe. Being that you're bleeding you're probably going to use a little more TP than usual so you get four rolls at a quarter each so that's another dollar.

15.50$

I don't know about you but I would not use my remaining 4.50$ for apples, cheese or anything. Because shit happens doesn't it? Especially when it's that close to payday and you're already kind of broke.

What's the point here? Fact is I've been there. In that almost exact situation but what I wanted at the time was some good crusty bread. No really. However good crusty bread and realizing that want, and fulfilling it just can't always happen.

I'm not that poor anymore but it's close enough that I remember. And you know what? It really fucking sucks. It also really sucks when you get sucked into (whether you mean to or not) the whole idea that your food choices are somehow moral choices as well.

Granted most of us realize rationally that no, eating junk food or cheap processed food does not make you a bad person. However it can be really difficult to feel that emotionally. Especially when you're constantly bombarded with messages to the contrary.

It hurts. Quite simply it fucking blows.

I recall being poor enough that I was not able to afford even tinned veg and fruit, so on the suggestion of others I started trying to volunteer at co-ops. That was such a big waste of my time. Not only was I rarely if ever contacted back despite my best efforts, when I was contacted I made it clear I wanted to volunteer out of sheer need. I wanted to volunteer so I could have some tasty organic greens, or some pears or fuck sake some fucking grapes on occasion. I got quite the run around.

Eventually I gave up and when I found tinned fruit at the dollar store I'd buy one close my eyes and pretend.

It's sad no?

My other problem with Intuitive Eating right now is that my body plays dirty tricks. Very horrible dirty tricks. My body screams and wails for milk. MILK MILK MILK GIMME MILK OFMG I'M GONNA DIE IF I DON'T GET MILK GET ME MILK I WANT MILK MILK MILK...

By that point I am usually close to tears because I really do want a glass of milk. A pint of cold delicious milk. So I try soy milk. Body says: FAIL DIS IS NOT MILK!

I pout. I groan. Occasionally I give in and have the coveted tasty cold pint o moo.

Then, the The Apocalypse of Gastric Distress happens and I suffer for days.

There are other foods that I crave down to my bones but can't have. And then I get sad. I won't say I can help that because I don't know if I can. But yeah it's a tough thing for me.

In other food related news I have discovered or rather rediscovered a love of odd snacks from Asia. There are lots of small Asian markets around our house and I've been exploring.

Photos possibly at a later date and now I'm spent.

Homo Out.

PS...
How is it that my life has some sort of insanity start quarterly? WTF is that all the fuck about? Srsly. Want not so much rly.

PSS..
I probably won't be any less vague than that.

PPS..
Actually several good things did happen today (I totally started this yesterday) A man drove across a street to tell me he thinks my outfit is beautiful and when I smiled he said I got the smile to match. He was cute and charming then he drove down the alley.

Also (I will probably post this later) I've started doing Spring wants collages on Polyvore. You may or may not be shocked and there may or may not be skinny jeans involved. Be afraid..be very very afraid.

Homo Really out.

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Mouth-gasm and Fatty ponderings.

First and foremost I am right now eating this giant spanikopita and I think I jizzed in my pants.

I really love Greek food however I am persnickety about it. And this is good. The green onion isn't overpowering and the feta is tangy crumbly and melts on my tongue.

The Tzatziki sauce is also excellent. I think I taste a little bite of dill or something in it.

The following meandering thoughts may be spurred by the rough month I've had or maybe I'm just over sensitive but there's things on my mind.

There was a conversation over in Fatshionista regarding the sizes on sales posts.

Some few sentiments expressed rubbed my feathers entirely the wrong way.

Among them the continued not wanting to have them. While I understand that everyone has their indidivual tastes when people say things like, "well I would never buy used/thrifted/whatever clothes like that." (emphasis mine) I get a little annoyed. I said it there a long time ago but, some of us fat folks are fucking poor.

I am among them. I buy brand spanking new from the store clothes maybe 3 times a year and only when they are on serious clearance. To tell you folks the truth I don't even remember the last time I bought a piece of clothing that was regularly over say 15-20$ for full price. No wait I lie, the last brand new thing I bought full price was dundundun, a 22$ bra.

So yes, maybe I have poor mans hackles up but that sort of thing annoys me. Good for you if you can afford fabulous new clothes at will, not everyone can.

Also, some people live in areas where finding a Lane Bryant, Torrid, where ever they sell decent plus size clothes is just not happening.

What else? Actually I had something about size to talk about here but now I don't feel like it. To tell you the truth I don't fucking care anymore if other fat people don't want smaller fat people in the sandbox. i'm over it.

Instead I want to talk about an entry by The Endomorph. Her List of Fat Sins.


I am someone who for most of my adult life has been poor. Working and very poor. When I say poor I mean making decisions between paying the rent and going to the doctor. Buying groceries or paying the phone bill. Not getting fresh fruit or vegetables for weeks and sometimes months on end.

One thing that bothers me a lot is just how often it is that I hear, "oh eat organic and healthy and you'll feel GREEEEEEEEEEEAT" fat or no. It's infuriating because if I'm struggling to keep myself in Top Ramen how am I going to afford the fucking lettuce that costs five goddamn dollars a head when for that same five dollars I could feed myself for a week?

And yes, I can feed myself (just myself not Uniballer too but I will get to life wit him in a moment) on five dollars a week.

All too often (not just in the Fatosphere) I hear so much about things that are just out of my reach and somehow plant that, "less than" seed in my head. Less than because I can't afford Big Body Yoga Classes and organic no hormone happy cow milk or fantastic Dansko shoes that don't make my feet hurt. It's painful.

It's painful because being poor is hard enough. And trying (even though I personally try really hard not to do this, sometimes I do anyway) to feel like a part of something that is outside the reach of my fingertips, is heart breaking.

It's painful when your doctor lectures you because you're not only fat, but your diet sucks. Which I've had happen way more often than I'd like to say.

And going to what I said earlier clothes. For the longest time I was really not excited about the fat girl clothing communities because it's so fucking expensive. All I read about for the longest time were these stores with these beautiful clothes made for a bigger body then I checked it all out in my absolute betwitterment and it hurt. I still can't afford things like that.

I'm not going to trot out the whole Privilege Backpack or whatever the fuck that is, I am not your minority lecturer. Instead I do ask that you think about things outside your portion of the world.

Anyhow as promised to the Lovely Ms. Endomorph my favorite ramen recipes. Broke ass comfort foods.

First one:

1-2 packets (depending on how many you're feeding) of chicken ramen
1-2 tins tuna. (I often buy tuna at the dollar store or other hood grocery store for even cheaper)
1 tin of the following, depending on what you like. Corn, Peas, Green beans whatever.
Dollop of one of the following (again depending on your taste) ranch, sour cream, cream cheese

Crush up your noodles and boil them, drain them. Add your flavor packet and creamy sauce, mix well. Add pepper to your taste. I also like to add some garlic something, onion powder if I have it. A dosh of hotsauce and/or chili powder. Crumble up your tuna mix, then last drain and add your veggies.

Hearty and no more than 1.50 per serving.

#2

1-2 packets of beefy ramen. I like to use the spicy one.
1-2 of those super cheap log hamburger patties, (or the weird frozen log of ground beef, here the boxes often go on sale for HElLA cheap and we get one for this sort of thing.)
Seasonings to your taste. The spicy beef ramen doesn't need it but feel free to add whatever floats your boat. The dollar store dried minced garlic is good for this.

Brown your beef with the bits of dried garlic chunks. No need for salt. Let that bubble. Crush up your noodles cook em and drain em. Drain your beef, add your flavor packet to your noodles, stir, add beef, stir. Enjoy filling beefy ramen.

#3 Same as above but add ranch, cream cheese whatever for a creamy comforting type warm food.

Also any sort of lunch meat, or if you are like me and like cheap deli meat you can slice that up and add it for a tasty treat.

Currently I don't always have to eat like that and I'm grateful. Uniballer and I have been poor enough to be splitting packs of Top Ramen or taking change to buy Top Ramen for weeks.

And let me clear up a few misconceptions about poor fat people.

Not all of us live off of Little Debbie snacks and fast food.

Some of us, it doesn't what/how much we eat, we're still going to be fat.

And eating these things, shopping at Hellmart, not being in a HAES state of mind, none of these things makes one a bad fattie. None of them.

I think that's all I'm spent and I want to eat some Haw Flakes and drink some hot ginger drink because my tummy is upset.

Homo Out.

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