Considering the body.

Fashionablenerd (who's moniker I fucking love) made a post about dealing with bad body days. See that here.

I have bad body days. Yes I do.

Generally speaking I know exactly how they start and often how they end.

Get up, and I'm probably still feeling ok. But then maybe my pants are fitting as I like them, I might be puffy and constipated. I might have a mystery rash on my boob. Whatever it is it gets in my head. The worst is when I wake up feeling like someone has set selective joints on fire with napalm.

My usual reactions go from irritation, to OMFGWTFBBQ!!111!!!!!, to "OH MOTHERFUCKER" and so on. I get pissed off. Occasionally I get a little weepy.

The worst for me though is the days when I can't shake it off and start brooding.

Unfortunately I have no real answers about dealing with those days. Some days I dig in and go through it. Other days I force myself to face whatever distortion I'm spouting to myself and take it apart.

I started this yesterday but got distracted.

I was thinking more about the source of my self esteem and body image.

I think I didn't really get a good handle on my body image until I was 22-23 or so. And it came from the very sudden thunderclap realization that it is my body.

Yes my darlings, body autonomy set me free.

I remember it very clearly for the most part. Some people were making fun of my glittery silly clothes and big ole thighs out on display, at first I remember my feelings were so hurt. And then like a light bulb it occured to me that on further examination I didn't really care that much.

I had reacted out of habit. Because that's the expectation. And I fulfilled it. But really, was some random asshole telling me to cover up my fat legs going to really change anything about my life?

Holy fuckballs no.

NO.

NO. FUCK NO. NO.

Matter of fact, over the weeks following I discovered much to my own joy that not only did I not care about the random asshole that thought I was too fat/ugly/weird/whatever I felt joyful in that discovery.

Now years later, when someone doesn't like the goth, or the fat, or the cleavage, or the hoochie wear or whatever I can smile. However if you look in my eyes there's a big ole middle finger in there. I highly suggest you try that.

The next time someone gives you a back handed compliment, asks if that is what you're wearing, give them a big ole smile. But in your head picture one big middle finger, held up with pride. They'll see it in your eyes. Unless they are stupid in which case they will just be confused.

This is also my attitude towards body modification, sexuality, all the strange and complicated bits that make me who I am.

I know it's not easy. Sometimes it feels really good to get that outside validation of your awesomeness. But believe me, it's not necessary for survival or even loving yourself and your life.

What if nobody ever again told you they liked your hair or your outfit? Would the world really end?

Deep down, if you are digging yourself would that come to a screeching halt if other people don't dig it?

Probably not my darling.

I firmly once you embrace it and let it go, you will feel so much better. There's something really beautiful about heaving off what everybody else wants or expects and getting down to what you want and need from yourself.

Okay I am really tired so some links of awesome then the foto of the day.

Go read about ABW taking part in an AWESOME (yes caps, I have to yell) thing called The Clarion West Write A thon. Great cause. Beautiful thing I will be contributing a little bit.

Go read WellRoundedMama about some of the shenanigans doctors are pulling on fat pregnant women. What the FUCK is wrong with people?

Kate Harding has an open thread about a movie called uh..Kung Fu Panda. I have nothing to say about that at this point. I hadn't even heard about it until it hit Body Impolitic, and being that I haven't actually seen the film I won't make judgment calls on it.

Violet Blue has an awesome podcast up on Erotic Adventures for couples. I really enjoy her podcasts and writing.

Monk has a tasty post up today about doing rope bondage with pregnant ladies. Some useful info if you're having a baby and want to get tied up. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk some about bondage.

Margaret Cho talks about the True Colors tour today. Aweeeeeeeeeeeeesome (yes I totally sang that outloud).

Okay I think I'm spent.

And I totally love you guys too. *You know who you are*

Oh I almost forgot I promised a photo.

From this morning right before work, hell I'll post 2.





A note. My make up is super hot today and you can't see it too clearly. MAC Golden Yellow pigment shows up a very true glittery BLINGING gold on me and I am in love. Often gold shadow turns green or dull on me.

And the lipgloss looked like a hot mess in other light so I changed it to a random sinful colors one I pulled from the depths of the TARDIS.

Okay that's totally all.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Oh Nelly....

Today i am going to respond to something I saw on another blog.

Unfortunately though I won't be linking to it because comments are closed.

First of all I have to wonder if the source of this persons ire was found via trolling about in someones userpics on LJ. A practice I frown upon seriously.

Okay that said I want to address the issue of colorblindness.

Many many people use the term colorblind with impunity, I am colorblind this, I want the world to be colorblind that and while it's a lovely sentiment, the fact is that the world at large is not colorblind.

As much as color, creed, religion, socio-economic status, sexual orientation, dog having status etc might not matter to you, as we move through the world all those things can have a big impact on our lives. The color of my skin has absolutely impacted my journey, my thoughts, my actions and how I come to the table in an activist arena.

I think sometimes people use the ideal of colorblindedness as a blinder so they don't have to examine what privilege they have. I know, shocked to hear that from me right? Yes I am critical of the usefulness of pounding the idea of privilege into people, I am skeptical of telling someone to unpack their privilege then skipping off warm in the fact that you showed them. That aside, I do think it is valuable for people to understand the concepts of privilege.

Ugh actually you know what? I really don't feel like being the Educating Negress today. I am really not in the mood for this at all. Maybe I'll pick it up another day.

I really really don't feel like it.

I am way too tired.

So instead go read what Davitta said about it, although I think she's lying about the whole queen thing. I GOT THE MEMO.

And in case you aren't down with the LJ a photo of my luxurious almost now shoulder length hair. After I flat ironed it for the first time on Sunday.



And bonus emo girl is emo picture taken a few weeks ago.



Also at some point this week I will probably post about my attempts to work on my BDD issues. It involves exciting things like macro mode pictures, freaking out and glee. Okay no glee so shut up.

Homo Out.

Tags: random poop, fotd

Stumble It!

Ropes and chains.

I really want some of the color of the month Twisted Monk rope. It's so pretty. I want to eat it. Then do strange bondage type things with it.

I am unamused currently. I am tired and want to go home and sleep for three days.

I also would like a stress free week.

Just one.

Anyhow.

And how about an fotd from yesterday because I'm tired and not in the mood anymore.

This is my eye.



And I'm out.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee....in the lightening.

In case you don't get the reference in the title it's from thisflash thingy at Albino Black Sheep. Been around forever and is still fucking funny.

Okay the world might be ending I'm wearing something with pink on it.

No seriously I swear to Baby Jesus.

I'm wearing a skirt that is striped pink/black/white. Seriously.

And feeling quite sassy thanks to a very cute hipster type girl and her very gay boyfriend stopping me on the sidewalk to proclaim me to be fabulous.

Where I was standing waiting for the bus is was warm and I had my coat off. Aforementioned cuties did the, "love the outfit love the make up you are fucking fabulous"

Other news. Okay so Torrid and I are not breaking up. I emailed them to inquire about a style of cami they carried last summer and got a response from an actual buyer who pointed me to four other ones that they have and clued me in that they are not going to be picked up again. I have placed those on my wishlist for future consideration.

I got my Fyrinnae order and was amazingly happy. I must reiterate my love for their mineral finish powder and now for their perfume as well. As you may or may not recall I am a big BPAL whore. And Fyrinnae's oils are very comparable. I purchased two samples. One called Vanilla Chai and the other called Pharaoh. I'm wearing Pharaoh now and it smells dark and sexy.

It actually reminds me straight out of the bottle of how it smells in that store Gargoyle's in the Udistrict.

Tasty stuff.

What else?

OH Stone Butch Hotness.

So I see this butch fairly often. At least a few times a week on my way to work and today she stopped me to tell me how cute she thinks I am and that if she wasn't 57 and with a wife she'd take me home and fuck the hell out of me.

Of course I giggled like a school girl. She is very dapper and charming and probably fucks like a beast. And we all know I love that in a person.

She gave me a smooch on the cheek and a pat on the butt and sent me on my giggly way.

I have other stuff to say about sex work but I am going to save that for later when I can concentrate. Right now I must eat something or I will fall over from the low blood sugar grrness.

So some FOTD's (fotos of the day)







Eye make up of the day.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!