More reasons why I shouldn't talk to strangers.

Picture this-

I am on the bus on my way to work, reading my book and sipping coffee. This kid turns from the seat in front of me and sticks his head over the divider way too close and says,

"What you reppin girl what you reppin?"

I arch an eyebrow. Lower my book enough so he can see my STFU glare and respond deadpan:

"Vox Celeste, homie."

He gives me a puzzled look, nods and leans back away from me. I resume reading my book.

These are things I say to people.

I was cruising google not too long ago and did you know that there are black people in some of Heironymous Bosch's paintings? Also in a lot of other paintings of the same era. Now generally Africans were portrayed as Magi which is fine with me but that's pretty damn cool and I did not know that.

I also spent some time reading about some black entertainers in the burlesque world. Very eye opening. Read that here.

Matter of fact read her whole site it's very enlightening and educational.

I actually took a minute to write her an email.

What else?

Also why the FUCK did I miss the Sex Worker's Art show? Um wot? Granted it was in Oly but I would've spent four hours on public transport to get there. Seriously. I'm upset I missed that. Go look at the website and if it comes to your town check it out.

I really hope they do it again next year and I will go.

OMFG and I missed Sister Spit? what the FUCK is going on here?

I really need to start reading the 'alternative' papers and whatnot again. How am I missing these things? I also missed Lydia Motherfucking Lunch being in town.

I MISSED LYDIA MOTHERFUCKING LUNCH.

Srsly. When I heard she'd been in town I sat and had a weepy moment.

I also really need to read "It's So You: 35 Women Write About Personal Expression Through Fashion and Style" edited by Michelle Tea. One of the blurbs says:

It's So You emerges from third-wave feminism, which celebrates not only the frivolity and playfulness of women’s fashion, but also the daring aesthetics of sex workers, out queers, and fashionistas. Contributors include Six Feet Under Producer Jill Soloway, transgender icon Kate Bornstein, Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon, poet Diane di Prima, NPR regular Sandra Tsing Loh, novelist Beth Lisick, Calvin Klein model Jenny Shimizu, actress Laura Fraser, and writer/herstorian Trina Robbins.

I can get behind that. Srsly.

So now my darling five readers, tell me more about what I can read about this Third Wave Feminism. I've shied away from reading feminist books/anything for the last few years because, frankly none of it spoke to me.

I do not want sitting around arguing about eyeliner kind of feminism. I want the kind of feminism that gives the finger, says cunt a lot and is not afraid to masturbate a lot. I want feminism that will do a crotch grab while yelling fuck you.

You get me there?

The first person to mention RiotGrrl gets their foot peed on. Being a Seattle lady I have heard that term way more times than is ever needed. Really no more.

Judicious use of the phrase may be acceptible.

I also want the kind of feminism that isn't so amazingly centered on white middle class people who only academically know what suffering is. I'm talking about people who don't really know what it's like to be down and out. The kind who'll look down their nose at you when you are buying your 10 for a dollar ramens, then proceed to tell you how bad you are for not using htat dollar to buy half an organic apple. Fuck that.

Also, no anti sex. I don't want to hear about how sex is bad and sex work is bad and what I do with my cunt is bad. Do. Not. Want.

Now another thing I want to know is if my criteria here just automatically shuts down a lot of options? I have no idea. I have my own ideas about feminism. That is a question I've been pondering.

I don't expect anyone to answer my questions honestly. But I do like to think it over and let it all percolate.

Also I am real enough with myself to know that I am kind of a weirdo and that's just fine.

Speaking of weirdness I've been nesting like a motherfucker again.

*Sigh*

I am pining to make my apartment Uniballer and my super goth lair.

Poor Uniballer.

So far I made him hang my giant skull named Mathilda up on a wall. I have plans to make him make me a coffin shaped thing to store my BPAL in that I can hang up.

I also need NEED a shitload of neat candle type things. I've been haunting the dollar store and have some really nice ones.

OI.

I've also got a serious yen for accessories. I haven't seen too much that made my heart go pitter pat but I've seen a few things I think I would like to wear. Mostly I want to wear rings again. I lost quite a few in a household move and would like to have them back. Or at least reasonable replacements. Although I had one that I loved and is irreplaceable. It was a pretty wide tarnished gold band with runes on it. Very nice.

Ok I think that's enough for now I need dinner and water and vitamins.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

OW my brains.

I sort of have the dumb today and can't really brain in the fashion I'm accustomed to so stay with me in case I start to wander.

So far this Monday (it's totally Tuesday now) I have decided to no longer go to a favored online community because, I see a little too much fat hate and I just don't have the energy to argue with people I think are fucking stupid.

I have also spilled tea, discovered I did not actually bring the correct vitamins etc with me nor did I remember to put my pedometer on my pocket.

From yet another fancy LJ community I got a link to get myself a free pedometer because I could not find the fancy one I had. I got it in this silly Dole sponsered kit thing with a pamphlet and lots of literature extolling me to eat more of their products. However the pedometer has led me to some interesting things.

I discovered that even on a "lazy" day I typically walk about 3.5 miles all together. That is actually a bit more than I thought honestly. I thought I'd top out around maybe 1-1.5 miles and was pleasantly surprised. On a busy day I tend closer to about 5 miles all together.

Not bad for a fat girl with a bad back and shitty knees.

I am still in the process of figuring what my body thinks is too much. For me it's a very fine line as to what will leave me limping and unable to sleep because I'm in pain and what leaves me feeling good.

I really don't want to ever again have the experience of exercising myself to the point of constant pain whether or not I "look" good. Never again.

I found this article via Kate Harding and ye gods. This is the second British lady I've seen do this, the other was a TV show I watched on youtube but good lord. That poor woman.

Just goes to show you, thin doesn't mean good at all. Seriously.

As I said i can't really brain today so I want to share this pair of shoes that I want really -really- bad right now These. OMFG. Holy HELL those are frigging hot.

Where was I?

Everyone go read Heidi's guest post at Shapely Prose. I applaud her for sharing her story. I also really appreciate that someone has a platform to say what a lot of people in the Fat World just do not want to hear.

I hate to say that last bit but it does strike me that all too often those who are in fact debilitated by their fat are shushed or silenced and shamed into not speaking out in their own defense. Or if not defense then maybe on their own behalf because all too often any mention that isn't "positive" gets that look, the "that's not fat.size positive" etc. I worry about that. I worry because isn't that the sort of moralizing and um..(sorry still a little brain dead here) proselytizing for lack of a better term that a lot of people want to get away from?

I really wonder sometimes how many people there are like Heidi but who don't have somewhere like Shapely Prose to speak. Or who don't have connections to the "name" blogs or blogging communities. Where are you? What do you need to say? Who are you? Are you all right?

I want to know.

I have no idea who actually reads this anymore so feel free to remain anonymous if you want to.

What else?

I am as I have always been I think more interested in the stories people tend to not tell. The things they don't say for whatever reason. Especially when it the less popular view of something. I don't know why I've always had that soft spot but it's there.

OH I wanted to tell you all about one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen up close bar none. There was a lady who used to go into the library my Mom worked at for years who is, really astonishingly beautiful. Beautiful in the way that people stare gawping because she is gorgeous. And she is, yes fat.

I saw her dressed up fancy in business suits, and kicking it casual in sweats and no make up and she is just stunning. I met her when I was 18 and was so instantly smitten with her it's just not funny. Even now I get very shy and nervous around people I think are insanely beautiful and I was so cowed by her I'd sort of skulk around so I could peek at her through the shelves at the library.

It too me probably a good six months of covert staring to finally work up the nerve to talk to her. I waited for her to leave the library, marched up and sort of blurted (it was very teen movie-ish) something like "you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and um, yer pretty by" at which point I turned to try and scuttle off, blushing like a school boy.

She stopped me and said thank you, and she blushed which killed me. We had a really nice conversation where I made very clear I wasn't hitting on her just that I thought she was beautiful and should hear it. Often. The one thing that stands out in my memory about her was the gracious way she handled the effusive compliments. That was a huge lesson for me. Prior to that compliments I viewed as probably sketchy and not generally warranted when directed towards me.

From her I learned to take them with a smile.

I ran into her a few years after that and met her equally gorgeous husband and she gave me a hug and told me how I'd grown up to be gorgeous.

While I'm on the subject of beauty. The very first person to ever make me feel truly like a thing of beauty was a drag queen I met randomly during pride week when I was 19.

At that age I was single and as they say fancy free and had bought this killer slightly absurd outfit for Pride. I had these fantastic black jean cut pants that I wore to goddamn death because they looked amazingly hot on me, paired with a cami style tank top in black lace with an actual brown skin color lining (that is so hard to find you'd think nobody ever heard that brown can be a skin color too but that's a whole other entry) with wait for it.....huge maribou trim all around the sweetheart neckline that then trailed down the half open back. And it had a very subtle bit of shiny sequin ish things to it. I paired this with these fantastic platform heels I had, and huge almost afro like hair. The hair was only accomplished by spending about a week before hand in very tight and uncomfortable corn rows.

I will suffer for fashion.

I was also super into glitter on my face. Don't ask.

So all decked out I wandered up to Capital Hill to shop and mingle. I was stopped dead on the sidewalk, twirled and groped by a probably 7 foot tall drag queen who pronounced me the most beautiful actual girl in the vicinity and gifted me with sparkly sunglasses and a fairy wand thing.

It was silly and I was still essentially a baby but, I really felt wonderful and beautiful and probably for the first time like I'd done the whole femme thing right.

The following summer was also the Summer of the Magenta Sequined Mini Skirt.

No I'm serious. You're very own bat cave dwelling supa Goth wore the hell out of a sequined bright magenta mini skirt. I found it crammed in a purse at Good Will (a trick I've pulled myself to save something to get later on). I imagine it was probably a home made part of a drill team or dance team costume. Short A line with this cute keyhole ribbon closure on the front. It was pretty atrocious. Tacky and bright and I wore that shit frequently. Usually paired with a black tank top and my trusty black platform walkin sandals.

There are times my friends, when I make absurd fashion choices mainly because they make me happy and I could really give a fart what any one else thinks.

If I like it, I will probably wear it. Although I am really thankful Uniballer talked me out of this fugly fucking dress I was obsessed with. Does anyone really need a dress with neon colored candy print?

Not really.

Ok enough yammering.

I'm going to look for winter boots. I will report tomorrow. Also, if I find the right pair of boots I may give this whole skinny jeans thing a try. If I can find a pair that will accommodate my ham. I may jam out with my ham out but I refuse to have my ham be uncomfortable.

Homo Out.

Tags: fat, affirmations, body, WTF, hotness

Stumble It!

Wait...what?

Have you ever had that moment? You know you're talking to someone or reading something and you're right there with it then all of a sudden, blankness. All you can really say is wait...what?

I've been having that kind of week in general.

Between reading horrific fucking news that I refuse to link to because then I'd have to see it again, to (this part is good) me getting praise and a raise at work I've been feeling kind of odd.

As a reward to self for doing good at the old JOB I have decided that I am either going to start saving for a new tattoo or a biggish shopping spree sometime this winter I can't decide which.

I also this week managed to introduce several veritable strangers to HAES and my view of Size Acceptance and why I am a part of it. That was pretty cool. And it all started because I followed a fat girl for two blocks downtown Seattle only to ask where she bought her shoes.

Turned out we were catching the same bus so I told her about Fatshionista, FattyVore and a few others.

Speaking of Fattyvore I still don't really know how I feel about that particular community. My individual style is really way out in left field to me. (As an aside I'm watching a documentary about Lions right now and I watched a teenaged lion totally drop his ass on another lion's face and it cracked me up) ANYWAY before I get more distracted I was talking about my particular style and Fattyvore. I am not entirely into it.

Also can I talk about porn? Why does nobody in the Fatosphere that I've found talk about fat porn? I don't know. So I will.

I like porn. I like looking at naked women in particular. Sometimes for absolute artistic reasons other times because it makes my girly bits tingle. And in case you can't figure it out from my subject matter here, the following links are not safe for work unless you work somewhere, where they are naked booby friendly.

One of my absolute favorite fat nude models is Miss Super Hot Ass Blu Velvet. Oh my Goddess OH MY GOOD LORD she is fucking hot. There is something about that woman, actually OKAY I'll just say it, it's her ass. She has the most gorgeous plump round expanse of booty. I want to take her over my knee, spank her til she squeals then probably bite her butt. I have a thing for butts. I love them.

I am also very into Miss Curvaceous I am very into Alt style models and I just love her. Fabulous hair, creative shoots and I just love her face. She looks like she'd be kickass to hang out with and probably do evil things with.

Also a heads up to LJ users, I found most of these folks via the Voluptuous Pinup Community. If you're into fat girls being photographed all done up and pretty like it's a good one to join. Also good to join if you are a fat girl who likes to get done up all pretty and have your picture taken.

Next up let's talk about Curvosity. They are the largest BBW network of nudie sites and it's run by nice people. It's set up like Suicide Girls but, it's all big girls looking gorgeous. They also have a community on LJ where not only models from their sites show it all off but, they also encourage new people to post photos.

Moving on from strictly the porny side of things I want to talk about something else I love and that is Fetish Photography.

I have been a lover of fetish photography for a really long time. I have some favorite photographers, favorite websites and books but, my big issue with this genre of erotica is that a lot of the time the models seem a little cold to me. Not their personalities per se but, there is so much of the same thing over and over again the appeal just isn't really there for me anymore.

To be perfectly honest I'm tired of the same few body types. There is the thin and waifish (think Kate Moss in PVC with some tattoos or crazy hair), there is the thin with a slightly chunky butt (think JLo in PVC with some tattoos or crazy hair), there is thin with huge boobs (think any celebrity with big fake jugs in PVC with some tattoos or crazy hair). Calculate for the many permutations of body mod, hipster dress/undress, and yeah.

What I like personally is the real. If you're not kinky, just to tell you that the vast majority of people in the world of kink (like the rest of the word) don't look like models. They have stretch marks and pimples and wrinkles and saggy boobs, saggy balls hairy asses and everything in between. That is really what I want to see in pictures. It would in fact turn me on 150% more to get a little taste of the real to fuel my fantasy.

When I pick up a book, a magazine or go to a website all too often I get more of a sense of fashion photography than actual sexual excitement. Sex isn't digitally smooth and pretty, it's not high fashion. That's my personal preference.

As much as I complain I honestly have yet to grow enough ovaries to make my OWN goddamn fetish art. I've been kicking around the vague want to do my own thing with some nudie photography and honestly I'm not quite there yet. But every image I see that just doesn't do it for me, or if you took away the body mods could be any fashion model I feel a little more of a tug to do it. It could happen.

While I'm on the subject of fetishes let's discuss the whole fat fetish thing.

For me, fat is not a fetish. I am not into feederism, or any of that look how much the fatty fat fat eats while she's naked type thing. I dislike both and feel like they can be exploitive and dangerous.

I'm not into it. I'm not saying that no one else can be, but I will caution people that feederism especially can be a dangerous thing. From what I've seen and read a lot of the men who are feeders at the root want absolute control over another individual in a way that strikes me as slimy and evil. It's one thing to knowingly hand power over to another person, it's entirely another to find yourself at the mercy of another person because as they want to feed you, you want to keep them etc. Granted I don't know all the particulars but let me just say, please be careful and love yourself to know the difference between abuse and love. That's all I want to say about that.

Now from photos let's move onto the written word. This next bit, seriously is probably going to come off as blatant Hanne Blank ass kissing and I don't care. I have already professed my fangirl status to Ms. Blank personally so everyone else think what you like.

She has been involved with some of the hottest most fabulous erotica. Seriously. Let's make a list.

Zaftig: Well Rounded Erotica. Edited by Ms Blank is a seriously hot collection. I bought it right when it came out and wore out a copy.

I also firmly believe that everybody who is fat, or having sex with someone who is fat should read Big Big Love:A Sourcebook on Sex for People of Size and Those Who Love Them. Seriously, put the condoms away right now put your pants on and go buy this book. I insist.

If you're new, just cruised in from the Fatosphere or randomly found me yes, I like porn a lot. I enjoy adult things. And I like to talk about them.

Also none of these links are affiliate links or anything so I'm not bullshitting about my appreciation of them.

If you are a fellow porn lover, enjoy. If you don't like porn, I hope you at least learned a little something.

That my darlings is about all. I want to write Anthony back and drink more tea.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

It puts the lotion on it's skin...

You can totally blame Uniballer for this one.

The Lotion Song!!!
Uploaded by phillyblacklite

Now that you all will be singing that all fucking night like I am I feel better.

Ok a few things. Any of you big booty(Big booby, all round big) girls and boys who love the look of Lip Service but can't find it in your size since their sizing has gone super wonk, check out this entry in the Lippy Addicts LJ community and tell them. Big people REPRESENT!

Also for some good reading check out this blog. I found it after um, shit I don't know HOW I found it I just did. There is an entry (I commented on it) that is a response to that piece of shit piece the NYT ran about how nerdiness is whiteness. Or rather "hyperwhiteness" as they termed it. I read that piece when it ran but was so irritated I couldn't even respond.

Hrm what else.

OH I got my box o surprise clothes from Good Goth and I am mostly happy. I got a burgundy shirt of some sort that has shiny things on it. And a cheongasm dress. I am a little worried about that fitting it didn't look big enough when I took it out of the box

If it doesn't fit I am very tempted to take it apart and make myself some sort of fabulous fetish outfit and then make Uniballer take me out so I can look hot.

I'm thinking of shiny bits and lacing. I got distracted thinking about that.

Now let's talk about make up because I had mad money saved and got myself some excellent products.

First thing I got was a L'Oreal HIP cream liner in Eggplant. And I'm guessing it got discontinued which is why I can't find it anywhere. Anyhow I got it on ebay and the color is fantastic. Just enough shimmer and bonus it actually lasted all day on my lids yesterday with no primer. Which is a feat in and of itself. goes on smoothly and is just lovely.

Hrm that's annoying. Moving on.

I also picked up an Avon Mark lip stain in >Berry Bitten. I have been on the hunt for a good lipstain that wasn't too light because I have brown lips. This one absolutely fit the bill. Every review I read said it stained way darker than it showed to and BINGO. I will probably pick up the red shade too. It doesn't quite have the lasting power I was looking for. About 6 hours with lip balm over it But the color is gorgeous deep berry and looks amazing against my skin.

And my super made of win find is a Glitter Liner by Urban Decay which I have been fantasizing about for MONTHS I got one for 10 bucks shipped bitches. You people don't even know how much I have wanted one but haven't been able to afford it.

It's on the way.

You guys have no idea what kind of make up slut I am. No idea.

I should be stopped.

Speaking of make up I didn't do anything special today because it was fucking hot in my apartment and I was sweating. So I'm just wearing a wash of bright pink eye shadow and a buttload of mascara.

My make up tip for the day. If you are a huge eyelash lover like myself use the Maybelline XXL white coat, with a higher end mascara and BAM LASHES. Currently I'm doing that with Benefit's Bad Gal mascara but I'll be looking for a new one to try soon.

Most likely it'll be a toss up between Too Faced Lash InjectionSk or maybe Urban Decay skyscraper mascara.

Clearly, I'm not into natural over here and I really don't care to be lectured about it kthnks.

And one more tip for some awesome tutorials I found while cruising Google awhile back. Go to LimeCrime then click the strawberries in the left hand corner, then click the tutorials link. Fabulous lovely make up.

I really love the Doll Parts Tutorials.

I still need some other things for my make up wardrobe. I need more glitter. A good chubby black eyeliner. WTF why is a good one so hard to find these days? It has to go on soft, not waxy and stay fucking black. What the hell man?

I also need some blush. I also think I am going to buy some Matter the Better from Avon Mark. Or something else. I am determined to look flawless all Fall and Winter goddamn it.

I think that's about all for now. I am going to make some tea and whatnot.

Homo Out.

Tags: announcements, hotness, make up

Stumble It!

Only in the future.

First of all let me say right now that I am SO in love with Jennifer Hudson it's not even funny.

Gorgeous Voice.
Her skin? Don't even get me started.
Hair is fabulous.
But goddamn that body.

Look at how gorgeous she is:




I mean COME on look at her.

So in looking at LOTS of photos of her I have a similar build except my legs are nowhere near that long and she's a bit slimmer than I am.

Which brings me to point number.

I want to be a bellydancer.

Yeah I know I know you're thinking "yeah you've said that a million times." The main difference is that I want to be performing. Maybe in a troupe within five years.

Five years.

I want to be in something like Hands of Kali. I want to make fabulous costumes. I want to teach other women to belly dance.

Part of my reasoning for this is some self healng. I very firmly believe that finding something to do that makes you feel like a Goddess is much more healing than medication or therapy. I don't want to talk my way to feeling like the wonderful gift of nature that I am. i want to proactively DO it.

So yeah. Until I can afford regular belly dance lessons I am going to write to some local people to see what all they recommend. I'm also going to get into better shape and start doing yoga again.

That is what the plan is goddamn it.

In other pantsless news today I am wearing a full length brown velvet skirt, black wife beater, black textured tights, mary janes, and my black velvet/poly hoody.

I am also wearing the Vanilla Chai perfume I got from Fyrinnae and it is a delicious smell. Not overpowering too sweet vanilla but a lovely spicy mellow vanilla that I find very sexy. I keep sniffing my boobs since I dabbed some in my cleavage.

I also really like how this particular beater fits. The U neckline and the slightly chubby cleavage look is teh hawtness.

For right now though I need to motivate myself to hustle on up to Safeway for a new water bottle. I was going to stop on my way to work but got sidetracked by ya know getting to work on time.

First test calls to make.

Weee prank calling myself FUN.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee....in the lightening.

In case you don't get the reference in the title it's from thisflash thingy at Albino Black Sheep. Been around forever and is still fucking funny.

Okay the world might be ending I'm wearing something with pink on it.

No seriously I swear to Baby Jesus.

I'm wearing a skirt that is striped pink/black/white. Seriously.

And feeling quite sassy thanks to a very cute hipster type girl and her very gay boyfriend stopping me on the sidewalk to proclaim me to be fabulous.

Where I was standing waiting for the bus is was warm and I had my coat off. Aforementioned cuties did the, "love the outfit love the make up you are fucking fabulous"

Other news. Okay so Torrid and I are not breaking up. I emailed them to inquire about a style of cami they carried last summer and got a response from an actual buyer who pointed me to four other ones that they have and clued me in that they are not going to be picked up again. I have placed those on my wishlist for future consideration.

I got my Fyrinnae order and was amazingly happy. I must reiterate my love for their mineral finish powder and now for their perfume as well. As you may or may not recall I am a big BPAL whore. And Fyrinnae's oils are very comparable. I purchased two samples. One called Vanilla Chai and the other called Pharaoh. I'm wearing Pharaoh now and it smells dark and sexy.

It actually reminds me straight out of the bottle of how it smells in that store Gargoyle's in the Udistrict.

Tasty stuff.

What else?

OH Stone Butch Hotness.

So I see this butch fairly often. At least a few times a week on my way to work and today she stopped me to tell me how cute she thinks I am and that if she wasn't 57 and with a wife she'd take me home and fuck the hell out of me.

Of course I giggled like a school girl. She is very dapper and charming and probably fucks like a beast. And we all know I love that in a person.

She gave me a smooch on the cheek and a pat on the butt and sent me on my giggly way.

I have other stuff to say about sex work but I am going to save that for later when I can concentrate. Right now I must eat something or I will fall over from the low blood sugar grrness.

So some FOTD's (fotos of the day)







Eye make up of the day.

Homo Out.

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