Glamour etc.

I was reading over at the F-word and found this post about Glamour's nekkid "fat" ladies issue.

At first glance the shot is okay...just okay.

It seems quite forced to me, the models don't look comfortable and not in an edgy (to quote Mr. Jay) broke down doll kind of way. It's not editorial, it's just kinda blah.

However, despite the lackluster shot I can see that they were in fact working hard for the diversity angle. The models themselves (in terms of FASHION people) have differing plus size bodies. There is a model of color. That said, the models are styled in a way that makes them kind of homogeneous in a way I don't really care for. Look at their cheekbones and hair styling, how their bodies are positioned and yeah it does not move me.

My personal aesthetic preferences aside, I think it is a step in the right direction. Is it perfect? No. However it does serve the purpose it sets out to in a way. These models are what Glamour needs, they are easily accessible and not intimidating for your average fashion magazine reader.


From my perspective, Glamour and it's sisters are pretty useless to me. Although I read fashion magazines fairly obsessively through my teen years and early twenties, I rarely ever took a thing in them to heart. Some core part of my personality does not allow me to absorb a lot of things. I have the super power to glide right on by things that set off my internal Bullshit-O-Meter.

So there's my take on the Glamour thing. I really tend to be unimpressed when huge corporations do things out of pressure rather than trail blazing, it feels cheap to me and I have no interest in supporting them.

It seems like as I get older I really give less and less of a good goddamn what woman's magazines are saying or doing. More often than not my reaction to anything in a fashion magazine is meh.

Then again, I am a huge fan of awesome photography which often occurs in fashion magazines.

While I'm on the subject of photography I saw this over at Rachel Kramer Bussel's tumblr and I love it. I love the look on the models face, I love that it's for a book trailer. I. Love. That. Photo.

Now more links and these are totally not safe for work unless your workplace doesn't mind nekkid. I found this photographer named Michael Barone I don't remember how and I read his blog but the thing I love is his Red Chair Project. I love those photographs so much.

Speaking of beauty, can we talk about Ms. Coy Pink for a second? She is delicious in the most wonderful way. And she's funny and smart which are things that make my knees weak. She is lovely. Go enjoy her HNT's of awesome.

Frankly if there were more of what I've shared with you here in the world, I would be a happy happy kitten.

In other news. I have 3 essays done (two of which are about sexytimes) and I've been laboriously going through my archives trying to find some entries I want to include in my antho. I'm pretty certain I'm going to stick to putting it out myself. Truth be told my homies, I'm a little leery terrified to shop non fiction.

Yes my homies, yours truly is kind of a chicken shit.

It's a huge HUGE deal for me to even be doing this so, let's call it a baby step rather than calling it chickenshitness.

Yeah, I totally made up that word.

I think I'm going to shelve the erotica thing for now. I'm just not feeling it at all which is unfortunate but I'm not going to force it.

Um.

OH before I forget Nanowrimo is coming up next month, who's doing it and who wants to be my buddy during the process?

Okay enough. It's late and Uniballer is playing some kick ass 80's music and I need to get up and shake my ass before bed.

Homo Out

PS..tomorrow I'm talking about some more fat girl exercising. And some queries I want to put out to you guys.

Also...I love you guys. Now your homework is to admire something about your body. For real, look at some part of your body and tell that part all of the things about it that are wonderful.

Don't ask why just do it.

I will be having this talk with my swollen sore left knee.

Tags:

Tags: annoyed fat girl, links random,

Stumble It!

In which I say...

Lots to cover today.

First of all the iced coffee from Starbucks owned Seattle's Best is cheap and pretty tasty. a 20 oz large is 2.03 with tax and one packet of splenda and a splash of half and half makes it tasty.

I still haven't remembered to buy new batteries for my camera but my make up is sparkly neutral hotness today. I used the L'Oreal Hip cream shadow in Nervy as a thin base. Very nice base I must admit. It doesn't have quite the lasting power of my Fyrinnae eyeshadow primer but it's nice. And I actually like the little brush it comes with, a lot of people had issues with that. So I packed on this random Revlon shadow in a creamy very light sparkly beige, then picked up my Copperclast pigment and applied it to the outer corners and up into my crease, then on up at the outside to my eyebrows. Then I used a tiny bit of uh....shinrajoku? from Fyrinnae as a highlight. Thin black cat eye, lots of mascara and PAPOW. Hotness.

The lips took some work though. I started out with just Bare Fetish lipglass. However it was not working for me today so I took it off and started with a dark dark dark berry color, then a little Bare Fetish over it and sparkly hotness.

The outfit is as this very gay boy who sees me daily apparently said is, "elegant casual goth". Mid calf length black velvet tiered prarie style full skirt, Target long and lean tank, old hoody because I'm weird and get cold. Satin flats.

Rocking my bun.

Okay next thing.

Happy late Birthday Oro.

What else?

Margaret Cho posted photos she did with Midori doing some rope and photographed by Andrew Takeuchi and mmm omg. If I didn't already love her dood.

Lovely Sarah Kathering Lewis posted all the recipes from her new book Sex&Bacon, over in her LJ. Mmm foods.

Also from LJ Saskaia is hosting a blog carnival for Fat Women of Color. Go check out where to submit your links then DO IT. DO EEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

And let me pause in my squeeing here for a minute. Here is the original link from Fatshionista. Okay now if I can call your attention to some of the responses.

Okay wait what the BLUE FUCK are you motherfucking serious?

All I'm going to say is this. When people of color come together for whatever reason to discuss their experiences it is not fucking marginalizing white people. It is just not.

As some of my non People of Color homies have said, it's not about you.

I couldn't comment at Fatshionista because frankly I would be really rude and I am in no mood to play Educating Negress today.

For fuck sake.

Moving on before I spew cracker crumbs all over my keyboard in upset.

While I'm on the subject of Fatshionista can I just say that there are a few users who's closets I'd like to molest with impunity? Granted it's not because they are supa aging goths like me but because they are made of awesome and I'd like to roll around in the awesome for a little while.

Also awesome today is TR's post about shopping. I have nothing else to add just go read it.

I want to share my awesome madlib skills, I made Prunella giggle with my birthday madlib go read it here.

OH and before I forget my porno loving queer folks, FemmeFatale media one of my favorite porn companies is having their pride sale. Get details here. Can I just say that I have really enjoyed (two hands down my pants enjoyed) every one of the movies I've seen that have come from them. No seriously I have. Which is a lot coming from me because I am very snobby about what porn I like and don't like.

Tara posted this really fabulous entry over at Fatshionista.com. Go read it. Again, I have nothing to add she said it all.

I know links all over the place I can't help it.

Some other things on my mind today.

I do not believe in assigning the term "curvy" as a softer gentler euphemism for fat. Nor do I believe that stupid fucking adage "real women have curves". Someone was asking me about that not too long ago and it made me frothy. I know a LOT of women who are in fact "real" women who are not curvy in the slightest.

Also I hate the use of the word "real" in this manner. It chafes my tender ass. "Real" women come in all kinds of interesting shapes, colors, sizes and whatnot. Assigning a little tiny asinine box to a whole lot of people just to bolster your own self esteem is a jackass thing to do.

That's mean but it's how I feel about it.

Also as I was perusing Deviantart and came across a shot of a fat woman (arty nude) some of the comments while celebratory in nature bug me. Why is it that when it comes to a fat woman (and didn't I JUST cover this?) everyone seems to feel the need to compare her to the thin woman often to the thin womans detriment? Or say make the caveat that they don't usually find a fat woman attractive but somehow this one is okay. What the fuck?

I have to wonder if people ever really think about what they are saying when they make comments like that?

One does not have to put down one thing to be jazzed about another. Having one preference does not mean everything else is crap. No really.

Also really, it doesn't take a very special unicorn pee and rainbow mixed courage for a fat woman to show some boobs in front of a camera. It does however take every woman some unicorn pee, glitter and a shot of rainbow courage to show herself in a photograph as evidenced by the fact that (check my last entry for links) EVERY woman gets a hell of a digital make over.

Don't believe me?

Google photo retouching on google and check out some of the portfolios of people who do it for a living. Men get it too but, I find that what gets changed on women to leap over the border of ridiculous into wait who the FUCK is that.

I also call bullshit and shenanigans double bullshit and shenanigans on myself for ever subscribing to that bullshit. For reals though.

And to wrap up go have a listen (huge bandwidth hog link) my Muxtape. It changes every now and then when I'm in the mood. So check it often. I really want to do soem hot ass stripper type dancing to the Puscifer track if only for myself. I'm talking me taking it all off in a room of mirrors all by my goddamn self. That would seriously be AWESOME.

Later this week if Uniballer or I remembers to get fucking batteries new photos, I might even show you guys my ugly little toes.

And why are said toes so goddamn ashy? I slathered them in lotion earlier today.

My poor brown dry skin.

Okay done.

Homo out.

Stumble It!

Makes me wanna Holler.

Holy wow.

So I've had a rough couple of weeks. A few winters ago I pinched a nerve in my neck really bad and occasionally do some mystery movement that makes it go, AH AH AH HAAAAAAAAAAA TAKE THAT BITCH.

And of course not to be left out, my back decides it's time to join the party too. Nothing like hours of back spasms and a hurting neck to make a girl want to punch herself in the face.

So yeah. That is what is actually going on with me lately. I have a bad habit of not mentioning or talking about when I am having a bad or hard time.

In other news if you want to buy me presents go to Dyke Tees right now. You can buy me any of these-

All black XL/XXL girly tees yo. Or gift certificates gleefully accepted.

The Whatever T. Perfect for yours truly the non discriminating ass biter.

My humps T. Come on now?=, right across the D Cups of Doom yo.

The Do I look Gay in this T. That one makes me giggle cause yeah, that would make me look gay.

The following are self explanatory if you know me at all.

Nerdy Girls Make me Hot.

I Put the Ho in Homo.

TechnoDyke RIP. I remember lurking at TechnoDyke a lot years ago. Back when I first got on the intertubes I was quite shy. Now, I threaten to show my tits.

I heart Pussy. Well I do. Mine yours whatever. I like em.

I love having a boss with a sense of humour. He sent me this.

Fails, let me show you them.

I have been giggling for ten minutes.

Back to presents.

I also really want to try some of the Oyin Handmade products for my hair. My hair isn't natural I do what's called texlaxing. Which basically means I don't use a relaxer to make my hair entirely straight. I like some texture and loosened naps not super straight hair. Unless my hair is less than 2 inches long I don't like it super straight.

My hair is in fact fabulous even though I made it very angry over the weekend. Well not angry but cranky. I wish my pictures turned out but I tried a braid out and it was made of flufftastic OMFG waves/curls going everywhere kind of fail. I still can't get it to calm down.

My hair said bitch please.

On the plus side however my hair is soft and feels like some hot silk.

Okay after listening to some of the podcasts at Oyin I am totally going to buy some with my next round of mad money. You can bet I will do a full product review (I am going to pick up the hair sampler pack) either here or in my hair journal or both. What really convinced me was listening to their podcasts because, they talk about textures without any implied judgement of what's better and I appreciate that a lot.

Also they use honey as a main ingredient and frankly I am wild crazy about honey. The scent, the taste all of it.

While I'm pimping crap I want in lieu of actual content how about a peek at some of the stuff on my various amazon lists.

The one thing I really want but am going to wait until fall to buy because I am NOT sitting under the fucking dryer in the summer is this space helmet dryer that keeps falling off of my wishlist wtf? I know it looks absurd but from the reviews from ladies at LHCF and elsewhere I think it will work for me. In two years I've spent 10 dollars to be a member there and even though sometimes there are things that get to me I've gotten invaluable advice, support and realized I am not the only black woman who gets into her thirties and can't do her own hair.

I am rectifying that and growing a lush head of hair I might add.

My hair has never looked or felt like this in my adult life. Check out the multi textured, shiny fluffy.



And the hot ass cowlick. It's funny when my head was shaved was the first time I ever really noticed it and I freaked because I thought it was a bald spot. A very good barber who used a straight razer on my fade, explained it was a cowlick not a bald spot and I was relieved.

Moving on. If you would like to donate to the buy Beasty more henna fund feel free to do so. Because I needs it man. I must invest in the sexy. As in my sexy hair that I spend lots of time loving on with my fingers.

I also have a serious book wishlist. As you can see I am an eclectic and voracious reader. You'll notice those are mostly paperbacks because I am a woman on the move and my tomes must be portable. I mostly use that to keep track of what books I've bought or intend to buy. And I fucking love used books man. There is something wonderful and special about them.

There is also a good amount of porn there.

Now for some blog whoring mmkay?

Murray's Musings is good and I like it.

Also pick up autographed books by the lovely Sarah Katherine Lewis. Find those here. I seriously suggest buying her books from that link rather than from amazon because she's trying to finance a book tour. Also I know some of you are not all into Seal press right now however, I do think Miss Lewis is worth supporting.

Next up, for my fellow Lip Service lovers, (and I hate to pimp livejournal here but there are some fantastic communities there) there is Lippy_addicts. I seriously recommend creating an LJ account so you have access to some of the sales and whatnot. I will say there's not a lot of plus size action but it's a really nice community that I like a lot.

If you are a make up lover like me. Or you just want to see some cool make up eyeshadowsluts is fucking fantastic.

And now I'm really fucking tired and sore so I am going to eat my delicious stew and then try not to fall down and yell.

Stumble It!

Are you serious?

Okay links and whatnots.


Female Genital Mutilation is not fucking funny. The tone of the remark there at Jezebel (heehee her cooter is sewn up) makes me fucking ill. Shit like that is why I tend to not read Jezebel unless it's something linked from another site. What the fuck?

Rio and Thoughtracer both posted interesting entries about fat hate. My own experiences with fat hate have been strange and varied.

Awhile back I left one of my favorite online community because I got very tired of seeing fat hate excused. A few gems:

Generally I find obese people to be gross. A majority of them smell, and listening to them try and breathe between the cheetos and big mack they are shoveling in is irritating.

a few weeks ago i found a few blogs about the 'fat acceptance movement', although i could totally relate to what these people have experienced (having seen it all first hand myself) i couldn't help but laugh at these poor folks, fighting for acceptance they'll never get. life's just better when you're thin, it just is. people are shallow idiots. (including me.)

Neither of those comments was refuted, questioned or anything by people I had previously considered intelligent. The general assumption was the following:

A.) Fat people are gross.
B.) If you are fat and not "doing something" about it, you are morally questionable and apparently a drain on society.
C.)Jackassery.

What did I do?

I left. Quite honestly I couldn't be arsed to deal with people who hold views that are so absurd. There was an absolute prevailing attitude that if you're "hot" you can say whatever you please. The idea that while you might have funny colored hair, lots of body mods and dress funny oh HAY you can't/shouldn't be made fun of or talked about but if you're fat you're fair game? Are you fucking serious?

That is absolute bullshit. That whole discussion and several others and I was done. As with things that have to do with race I don't always feel like being the educator.

There are times when even I your own rantylicious darling just have to shake my head and move on.

I am a member of another online community that sometimes I feel the same way about. however there it's not fat but it's other things. Homophobia, constant strange racial ideas that just baffle me. However it's not quite as overwhelming as the other forum and most of the time I can look past it because there is information there that is important to me.

I bring it up because I am finally learning to choose my venues when it comes to taking a strong stand.

There was a time not too long ago that I would bang a drum holler and freak out on people any and everywhere. Not so astonishingly in some venues, no matter how loud you holler you are not going to be heard. A lesson I've learned.

Moving on.

I was cruising TheAdvocate website earlier and found some cool links.

I found GodandSexuality which is an academic conference and though I'm not all that religious nor an academic I really love that this exists. It makes me think of a friend of mine from way back who I had never seen so happy as when he found a church (Christian sort of church) that not only embraced him but he found community, family, friends, love and a place to commune with God. And isn't that last bit kinda the point of going to/finding church?

I also found a website that explores Feminist Sexual Ethics in Judaism, Muslim, Christianity. That is pretty damn cool if you're into that sort of thing.

Now other things.

I really think I might invest in an EZ Braider. Being that I still suck at braiding I would like to rock some microbraids for awhile however, my practice is telling me that it's going to take a long time before I try doing my own whole head.

Also let me just say that my hair feels like the hot sex right now and I want to lay in bed stroking it.

I'm also eating some really tasty red miso. I have a funny way of eating my miso, after I mix it I let it sit for a few minutes then, I use a fork to swirl the soup and scoop out random bits of deliciousness. Then I sip the tasty liquid until it's gone.

And ok now I"m done I have been working on a project all day and my brain is about to melt.

Later taters.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Musings and glee.

I was reading over at FatFu last night and Meowser posted about Pseudonymity on the net.

Back in the day when I started my first online journal I was really paranoid about people in my life outside the net reading it or knowing about it for that matter. Honestly that lasted all of six months then I said fuck it, I got tired of thinking about it. These days if you google my given name, the name of this blog etc you'll find a whole shitload of stuff and that's perfectly ok with me.

I haven't used a pseudonym in probably more than a decade for anything. The very first piece of writing I had published was under a pseudonym and it felt so weird to me. I own my words. It felt weird and disingenuous to look at something I quite honestly slaved over and it did not have my name on it.

Since then if I say it, 98% of the time my name is on/associated with it. And that suits me just fine.

However I will say I have a space somewhere on the internet where I talk about things I am not comfortable talking about here or other places where people know me. For awhile I struggled with this, however my number one concern is making sure that I feel okay while I'm working some shit out. I have a few friends who read that, and one in particular with whom I talk about it.

Strangely I'm one of those people who talk a lot of the time just makes me feel worse. I like to write it down and work it out for myself. Which sometimes admittedly doesn't work all that well.

On a fashion note I had a gander at some of the new Lip Service stuff for 08 and I am again disappointed. Nothing I liked comes in my size. Admittedly I am really seriously considering losing a dress size.

Honestly it's not just Lip Service clothes that put this into my head, and it's not the whole Fantasy of Being Thin as discussed quite awhile back at Shapely Prose. I have long given up the dreams about thinness.

1. Thin is healthy and good. When I was thin, I was not health and I was a cranky hungry unhealthy mother fucker. And the thing that made me feel cheated was that I was doing the "healthy" thing. I was working out and eating an uber healthy diet. And I felt like shit.
2. Thin is beautiful. Again I felt cheated. Frankly once I go below at the most a size 10 I just look weird. My proportions are not made for that. Also, because my health was not great my skin looked fucking horrible, my hair looked bad, I had a hell of a time finding clothing that fit. I did not feel beautiful in any way shape or form.
3. Thin makes it all easier. That was a huge thing for me. My life did not get magically easier when I hit the lower end of the "healthy BMI" range. I still had all the same problems, I had some brand new and shittier problems.

That all said the following is not about the myth. And I know damn well this sort of thing isn't looked upon favorably in the FA circles but I don't give a fuck.

As I've mentioned before I am fairly firmly in the area called Inbetween. There are a lot (A LOT) of plus sized clothing that just is too big for me. Frequently things are just enough too big in odd places so the fit gets fucked all to hell. It fits in the hips but is too big in the waist, it fits in the shoulders but not in the boobs, it's supposed to graze knee length and comes down to mid calf. And don't get me started on pants right now I will yell.

On the flip side I am just ( ) that much off (measurements wise) for a lot of straight sized clothing. Things are too small in the boobs, fit at the hips but not in the low waist thus giving me hang over of doom in the love handle area, fits in the waist/hips but not in the ham. Shirts fit in the boobs but not around the upper arm hence my aversion to cap sleeves, fits in the boobs but rides up to show my whole stomach when that is not the idea.

I spend way more time than is probably necessary searching and searching and searching for clothes that fit right. And what irritates me is that out of necessity I've had to stick to the same silhouettes for so long because I have such a hard time finding things that fit and my sewing skills are not quite up to actual tailoring just yet and gods know I don't have the money to have it done by a pro.

So where does that leave me?

Honestly (and boo hiss if you wanna) it leaves me with the bottom line that on my frame and body a small big of weightloss or gain would go a long way. A few pounds in either direction means pretty much I could be solidly plus sized, or solidly far end of straight sizing. I've been resisting it and not wanting to think about it for months but it is actually the truth.

Does this mean suddenly I am super pro diet and whatnot? No. What it means is that I finally (after 31 goddamn long years) in tune enough with my body and familiar enough with my body to be able to make a conscious well thought out decision as to what to do. That is a huge thing for me. For the first time in my life I feel like I have serious and tangible autonomy in terms of my body and what I'm doing with it.

I played at and tickled autonomy for years, especially in terms of decoration. Body mods, tattoos, wacky clothing and hair but, I wasn't here. Here being the state of mind I'm in right now.

I am clear. I am aware and my thought processes aren't muddied by politics, should and should not thoughts, other people none of it.

That alone makes me very happy.

Where does this lead.

I am not going to get or be thin. Barring serious medical illness it's just not going to happen and that makes me happy and it's okay.

I also absolutely do not believe that me going down a dress size will create some alternate reality where I am rich, fabulous and everything is super peachy.

What does it all mean?

It means that I am currently this instant open to a change in my body. It means that for the first time in a long time my eyes aren't clouded and I think,no I believe I can make a decision one way or the other.

It doesn't mean that I am going to run out and half kill myself trying to lose that 10 pounds. To tell the truth I don't even know if my body would approve of that.

It does mean that I am enjoying the feeling that emotionally, I could probably handle adding a fairly rigorous exercise routine to my life and it doesn't feel bad to think about it. I don't feel like I might do that and go off my fucking nut and start working out for hours on end. That feeling that fear isn't there.

It doesn't mean that I don't want to be fat or I hate fat or anything of the kind. Although I'm sure someone will get that from it.

Tell you the truth I don't care. I am actually very proud of myself for coming to this right now.

And I think I'm spent there is something wrong with my neck and it hurts like the proverbial mother fucker.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

No really.

While I wait for the drugs to kick in and my dinner I have some things to share.

If I sneeze/cough on my monitor one more fucking time I am going to stab myself in the left nostril.

Also someone needs to buy me a shitload of Angus Oblong artwork especially the fuck plate.

And why the fuck is it when I do actually wear underwear for once they are yanking my pubes in a way that's contributing to my homicidal mood?

Um random links time now.

Coloring Book Land. Do not click that if you have a delicate sense of humour or are easily offended. Suffice it to say I giggled a lot.

Real Ultimate Power yo. Real fucking ninjas. Despite my Pirate Loli nattering earlier I love ninjas. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet.

An article from somebody that works in the Psych ward The Murse. As a frequent rider of public transportation I have seen the crazy, unfortunately I don't carry drugs in blowdarts to keep it away from me. Again if you've got the tender sensibilities don't click that one.


I also want this shirt from Shitley's. Yes it says Shitley's. The striped shirt thing here cracked me up. Those are the kind of boys I like, who have that kind of humour and can see the douchebags among them.

Seriously you have to have a pretty cutting sense of humour to roll with me boys.

It also helps if you bring lesbians who I will put my boobs on. Just saying.

Also a classic I've loved for awhile. Read the hate mail for Modern Drunkard Magazine. Pretty fucking funny MOTHER FUCKER I just snotted all over my fucking monitor again.

Also can I just say that if you are not snotting/sneezing/coughing/farting all at the same time right now I probably kind of hate you a little.

For something nicer and less drinking/saying fuck related this is a nice piece by Scott Duhamel. Tasty.

As per usual Cherry Bleeds is the fucking poop. I still have not grown sufficient vitals to actually submit to them. Or to just let it go.

I may actually pony up the dollars and enter their literary contest. I dunno yet.

Oh yay drugs and food.

Homo Out.

Tags: links random,

Stumble It!

Things I think about.

First of all let me mention that watching Rachel from F-word and Mo Pie from BFD this morning was a pleasure. Watch the clips on Youtube here and here. I won't spoil it for you but it was very good and Miss Rachel your glasses gave me glasses envy. And Mo that haircut is love. Srsly.

Oh also before I forget Colleen from The Pretty Pear posted (mm alliteration) some great savings and coupon codes here.

While I'm pimping links you should go read what Meowser had to say about the truthfully awful article in "Bitch" magazine about the Fatosphere. To tell you the truth I didn't even read the whole article when I thumbed through Bitch the first thing to mind is that the author was lazy and irresponsible and I couldn't bring myself to read the rest.

Honestly (granted I am no journalist) if you are going to write something shouldn't you at least appear to make a little bit of an effort to research? Or type your key words into google and get lucky? Gods.

Next up I want to discuss something I think about frequently. All too often I hear religion (usually Christianity) as the basis for someone disapproving of one thing or another. Be it interracial relationships, homosexuality, whatever have to wonder. And I've asked a few people this question but most don't take it seriously and start spouting selected bits of scripture from parts of the bible they themselves don't so strictly adhere to(that is a whole other entry).

What if you are doing it wrong? What if you in all your pious disdain are absolutely incorrect?

To take it a step further what if when you die, you go for your judgement and stand in the presence of God and Jesus and they look at you and ask why did you condemn (as my favorite example) homosexuals?

Do you dare to spout scriptures at them and look like you did a job well done?

What if then, they just shake their heads and every gay person who has ever died before you is there in heaven, in the bosom of your very own God and God and Jesus look at you and say, "where was the love in your heart? Where was your compassion?"

And then you get kicked out.

Maybe not the big H-E double hockey sticks but you don't get invited to the party because you didn't follow the simplest instructions of your own religion. What would you do?

I don't want to fling scripture because that isn't the point. The point to me is that at the base of most religions there is love and care for fellow man. My point is, you are not God. No matter how fervently you believe it is not your place to tell anyone else what God thinks of them.

Granted it's human nature but still. I see way too many people who don't even try and that bothers me at a spiritual level. It hurts.

Mostly what I'm saying is examine your words before they leave your mouth, and don't preach to me if you're blatantly disregarding some of the most important parts of what you're preaching about.

That's been on my mind for awhile and now onto something else.

Womanhood.

I have been acutely aware of Womanhood (yes with a capital W) since I was a very very small child. Aware of, in awe of and fascinated by the (luckily for me) diverse women around me. However I will admit that at one point in childhood probably around age 5-6 I was irate to learn that I too would grow up and be a woman.

I blame Superman for this.

I loved Superman. I had Superman sheets, I ran around in Superman Underoos (do they even make those anymore?) with a red towel tied around my neck and I saved everyone. I was 100% certain that I would grow up, change my name to Clark Kent, be a reporter and in fact save the world. There was little anyone could say to dissuade me from that.

Until I understood that since I was a girl I would not be Superman and I was devastated. Not because being a girl was bad, or that being a woman would suck, no I was mad because I wouldn't be Superman. I wasn't mollified until I discovered Dolly Parton and Wonder Woman. That is to say I discovered my love of boobs.

My early love for Dolly, Wonder Woman, drag queens and their ilk is probably the very foundation of my insane love for boots, all things sparkly and really high heels.

However my interest in Womanhood in all it's fantastic permutations has never wavered. Although I have grown out of interviewing random people. I did that a lot as a kid. I would sit and ask questions about someone until they shoo'd me away. I have always loved hearing the things that women generally only ever tell other women.

As I got a little older I started to think about, no obsess over what kind of woman I wanted to be.

I decided I wanted no part of the stereotypical "good girl" experience. None of it.

I wanted to fight, fuck, curse like a sailor when I wanted, do any and every little thing. Eat a lot, live life in ways that will leave me filled and satisfied.

I'm still working on it.

Not much else on my mind today.

Homo Out.

Tags: links random, random, womanhood, musings

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Random Braining.

I finally got some sleep so I will probably be meandering all over the place today with stuff I wanted to talk about before but due to brain non-functionality (I seriously typed cuntiness) I didn't get to.

First of all let's talk about DIY clothes again.

I've talked about this before. But, really come ON now people. So I tend to go weeks without using myspace because I hate it and I get tired of the spam. So anyway I did actually log in last week and some DIY designer wanted to be my friend.

So I go look at their clothes and send them a polite email telling them they have some very nice designs but, being that I am over a size 8 they have nothing for me and I don't see the necessity of doing custom sizing over a size medium. I get back the usual whiny response that pretty much boils down to "but I don't know any fat people." Whatever. I am willing to bet that this person does know women with hips more than 34 but doesn't want to make the effort to know a different body type than her own.

Don't feed me shit I have already heard it and I am not fucking interested.

Now let's talk about underwear. For those of you who are new readers I will tell you I am fairly anti-panty when it comes to myself. I hate wearing panties and have for about 20 years. That said I do like panties, as in to look at pretty things but when it comes to wearing actual squirrel covers I generally don't

Why? Because for some reason the way my buttoxial area is shaped panties just annoy me. Whether they are creeping so far up my ass I feel like my colon is getting some cotton or, they are baggy in the ass, the waist band comes up under my tits or rolls under my stomach. Annoys my taint. Chafes my labia whatever. I just do not want.

That said I do actually enjoy and will wear plain cotton thongs. My go to place for these has been Frederick's of Hollywood for ages now. They are usually decently priced, cute and goddamn it I just love Frederick's. Of all the places I've shopped for underthings at many sizes. They have always come through where Vicky's secret has been made of fail.

Also Frederick's has always impressed me as far as sizing goes. Whether you're a 00 or a 22 you may very well find something to wake up your inner hoochie and get her shaking it or just laying around and looking hot. You can sometimes find things there up to a 5X which as lots of my femme types on the bigger end of fat will probably tell you can be such a fucking hassle.

Also um the shoes. Yes, okay I'll admit it I love hooker shoes. I don't care what anyone says. I LOVE gaudy looking crazy heeled shoes. Sue me.

One more thing about Frederick's to love if you get their catalogs regularly you can catch some fantastic sales. Just sayin.

Random bit of TMI I was reading comments somewhere or other and saw a trolltastic comment that amounted to "OMGZ TEH FATTIES DUN HAS TEH SECKS"

Um okay. If the tenderness of my loins currently is any indication I can provide proof positive that yes, some of us fatties are indeed having rocking porn star type sexing.

I'd take a picture of the hickey on my boob but, couldn't get a shot lit decently.

Pursuant to my Xpost from Fatshionista I have decided to go with a very nice shirt from Target, pants from I don't recall where and I will be trying to make myself some of these. I've never made a shirt like that before (note to self email Vesta) and I think it would be a handy thing to have some knowledge of. So in case again i wind up finding weirdly shiny patterned flouncy things I can get me a shirt without too much hassle.

Also pertaining to wardrobe I had a total impulse buy last week. I bought this very cute vintage Liz Claiborn aline swingy type dress on Ebay and it is SO goddamn adorable. It is so adorable I cannot wait for it to warm up a little so I can rock it with either my calf high plaid boots or maybe (note to self start looking) some stompy mary janes and interesting tights and/or socks. I have decided that this year (and probably the foreseeable future is all about skirts+stompy footwear and interesting tights, socks, or bare legs.

Also I'm sad to say I just can't break up with Lip Service. I know I said all that shit about them not being into the fat ass but goddamn it I love their clothes. I've found some other if not quite plus size than more plump lady types in a Lip Service related community on LJ and i will continue to scour ebay until I find the one thing I can't resist from Lippy brand new. I am so weak.

For once my politics has not been able to sway my total love of something. To make it up to myself about that because honestly trying to shop for Lippy can be so terrible and self hatred inducing I am going to make myself get more into reconning clothings and making myself some fabulous goth pretties. Mostly because a LOT of the goth type clothing I like is super expensive and not made for a big girl. So fuck em I'll make my own and it'll be that much MORE fabulous because I made it.

To that end I have rediscovered Antimony and Lace and have all sorts of plans for making pretties.

Now some links from the Fatosphere.

Meowser wrote a nice one today over at Fat Fu go read it.

In case you don't keep up on the Fatosphere several of very talented bloggers were featured in an NYtimes piece you can see here. (Holler if you have to log in)

From that the expected has happened. Some people have been trolled, others have been found and beloved. I don't like some of the tone of the article but I expected that as well.

Via Sweetmachine over at Shapely Prose I've found links to this (nsfw..bewbies in the house) and I love it. If you don't already know I LOVE this sort of thing. Natural actual people being photographed. OMG. Love. Love. LOVE.

Which is why the Laurie Toby Edison's (again bewbies in the house nsfw) photographs mean a whole lot to me. Seeing people in their imperfect glory makes my heart glad.

Okay I think I'm done for now. Can't brain anymore I want to eat gummy bears and drink green tea.

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Interestingly enough...

Post #2 of the new year hot damn.

Welcome Regina *wave* I still have not yet figured out if one can actually respond to individual comments using blogger software. Ugh.

So first of all I've been reading the feed for Racilicious and you should too it's good stuff. I was even moved to comment today. I won't tell you on which post you'll just have to go read until you find it.

Since I'm in the spirit of new year=new things I want to talk about stuff that's going on.

In utmost important news I am learning to give myself braids and this is FANTASTIC. I got myself the Braids By Breslin 4 in 1 DVD and am focusing on giving myself microbraids. I am super excited about this because I've always wanted to learn to do that properly for myself and, I will be saving money. I plan on trying for my first full head braidathon later in the month.

Also later in the month I FINALLY get new glasses. Hallelujah. I know sometimes the spelling here is absolutely horrible. Most of that is due to my equally if not worse vision. I have incredibly poor eyesight and just didn't have the money for new eyeballs. However I now have both the loot and the appointment so YAY.

So that will improve the spelling issues. Unfortunately sometimes I just can't see the errors.

What else?

AH yeah so for years I have loved the art of the self portrait. What I love even more are those very intimate macro type shots. Since I now posess a digi cam, I have been thinking I may put together a book/website/thing of those type of shots with essays to go with them. To that end I am going to need to purchase some full length mirrors, a tripod. Probably some fabricy type things to give myself a nice background when I want one.

What else?

OH I have decided to go easier on myself with the belly dancing. I have a problem expecting way too much from myself then getting discouraged or hurting myself. I am biting the bullet and am going to buy myself some better exercise wear this paycheck and start all over again. I am also going to stop trying to make myself do yoga. I can admit defeat. I am not going to like it. That's all. And that's ok.

I also think I am going to slack on buying any fitted type clothes. At least until I find stuff I actually like.

Bloody hell I am a tired little fucker. However the make up today is fabulous. Mac pigments fun. Except for the fall out around my left eye not so cute.

Okay I'm about done.

Homo Out.

Tags: 08, links random, indulgences

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Stomping my way to the um..where I am.

I think I've fallen off of the Fatosphere feed again. That's ok. I don't really feel like my blog fits in for the most part.

In other news is it weird I get a little bit of glee because I am now an official regular at my favorite coffee shop? They know I always get a 16 oz Americano and often indulge in a slice of baklava or some other wee tasty treat. It does make my day a little better.

I was lazy last week and not eating enough, which caused me to be off of my vitamins and I started again on Sunday and goddamn what a difference it makes. For every time I've had a doctor tell me I'm wasting my money I just think about those weeks I've not been on them and been feeling like fried ass. I'm not back to my absolute regular schedule but I feel better.

Now for the random.

Links of the day:

The president of Guyana >shaking some booty. I love stuff like that. Every country should have high ranking officials who shake it. Why? Because I think people take everything way too seriously and it's nice to see someone in an important position show they are human and like to have a good time too. I find it repugnant that so many people expect politicians etc to be inhuman or to only show a little humanity sometimes like shedding a tear on CNN occasionally. Screw that.

OH one of the ladies from LCHF started herself a fabulous new lifestyle blog. Go check out The Savvy Sistah right now. No seriously go and I'll wait.

A word about LCHF right now. For those who don't know (which is most of you) it is a website for women of color to come and share knowledge about haircare and other things. It is the first 99% woman community I have been in that I really do feel actually comfortable. Granted you won't see me running around spouting the gay but, in most respects I am pretty comfortable. I've also learned so much, and that is very important to me because I really just did not know anything about taking care of my hair. I was fairly certain before joining there that I would be a crew cut/fade wearing lady for life.

Hrm OH I discovered the NWBellydance blog and I am so happy about finding that. Wow. Now if I can grow some fucking ovaries and take my barely knows how to shimmy ass to some of the events. Truth be told I'm nervous because I'm really not very good yet and I don't have any real bellydance gear. There are several reasons for that including the style of pants I like (think yoga pants with a lower waist and slightly bigger leg) are really fucking expensive. And they are really fucking expensive.

Honestly I have seen some very nice stretchy pants of this style and people want like 60-70$ a pair for them. Granted I appreciate hand made things. But I have made that kind of pant before and it is not that difficult and fabric unless you are using some super fancy fantastic ass loving velvet or something does not cost that much. I'm all for making a profit but goddamn man, don't these people know some of us are fucking not rich?

OH come on people I want more friends on GoodReads.com Join me in my rampant nerdery. Check this here out.



I might try to jam a quilt widget thing in my sidebar but probably not. But COME ON man. It's fun.

Holy CRAP Nick Ashford (from Ashford and Simpson...don't front you know you remember them) is 65? Damn I had no idea. I love the song linked above.

What else?

Fuck the FCC again. Fuck them right in the fucking goat ass.

Also let me just say right now I am feeling like Ms Margaret Cho is sex on motherfucking wheels. She's got new photos up that I am in love with. I still really want some Assmaster panties.

Speaking of sex on wheels The (NSFW clearly. ) Red Sneaker Diaries make me squirmy in the pants. Via her journal I found Everyday Nakedness which is a collection of macro nude photos that I really like. That's the sort of thing I can get behind. Behind enough to maybe show my actual nakedness.

For ages I've wanted to do arty farty nudes of myself. I'm not entirely certain at this point if I want this to be a public type thing but, I do know that it's something I need to do if only for myself.

Okay that's enough. I want to make some tea and work on some fiction to distract myself from things that are Pissing Me Right the fuck off.

Homo Out.

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Very amused.

Another tidbit.

I am so in lust with this Lip Service outfit it's just not funny.

Also I totally forgot to mention that I have new content up at Associated Content. WOOT.

You can find all my articles here. My HAES/Size acceptance article on reading it again I don't think is all that good but my other articles are KICK ASS.

Also I have banana chips and they are delicious.

I may or may not wind up buying this fucking Lip Service outfit so I will stfu about it.

Tags: links random, announcements

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Bouncing boobies and glee.

So my next large purchase is going to be a good bra. To most that doesn't sound like such a big deal. But, when you're working with the big heavy D cups and want to do something as booby bounce inducing belly dancing. You need a good bra.

It's fairly astounding what a good bra can do for an outfit. So yes. I have several earmarked for further research. If I'm going to spend upwards of 40$ on a titty holder it better be fucking good and comfortable.

I'm also shopping for a new cell phone. Not really excited about that to be honest. I use prepaid service to save money because I don't really use my phone that often but, I do need one since I can't wear watches and like to be able to call home if I'm going to be really delayed so One Hung Low doesn't worry.

I'm looking at this phone. And I think I like it. However I am vastly unimpressed with T-Mobile's customer service. I cannot get a straight answer to a simple question so I will probably just buy one off of Ebay.

Something new and odd. I've started eating breakfast. Which is strange because I've never been a real big fan of the breakfast. Lately I've been eating a little something when I get to work, take half my vitamins then I eat lunch later. Seems to be working out pretty well. I"ve become fairly good at spacing vitamins/food so I don't find myself suddenly with the low blood sugar pissed offness.

I am seriously book lusting right now.

I need these books:

The Butcher Boy. If the reviews and reccomendations I've gotten are to be believed I would probably really enjoy this book. I could do with reading the madness rather than actually going there myself right now.

Speaking of books I find it inordinately amusing when whatever I'm reading makes people make a face like they've been stuck in the asshole with a hot poker.

Last night I was rereading "Plainclothes Naked" because I forgot to put the Gogol back in my bag and this lady was craning and contorting herself to get a gander at what I was reading. She looked at the cover (see it below) and her face puckered up right quick and she even made a disgusted noise.




As far as book covers go that one is not nearly as potentially offensive as many others I own. Maybe it was the word naked in the title that did it, or she knows who Jerry Stahl is and hates him. I don't care it still made me laugh.

What I enjoy even more is when some "wonderful" person decides to confront me about my choice of reading materials. Gods I can be nasty about that sort of thing. For instance when a woman got all huffy about me reading Real Live Nude Girls=: Chronicles of a Sex Positive Culture by Carol Queen. Her entire point was that a.)I was reading pornography in public and that b.) that was somehow "asking" for something to happen.

You can imagine my reaction.

I calmly and politely explained to the dimwit that I was not inf act reading pornography but a series of essays that are better classified as creative non-fiction about sexuality etc. And if she was well versed enough with pornography maybe she should stick to her own and not that which does not belong to her. I didn't even address the "asking for it" issue. The look I gave her made my thoughts clear.

She sniffed and snorted in a huff until the bus came. I continued reading my book.

And I know everyone is wondering is the pants ban still in effect?

It certainly is. I'm wearing black mary janes, black tights, a black asymetrical hem skirt, black beater style tank, long sweater cardigan thing. And some chartreuse eyeshadow. That I am still undecided on.

I am also wearing some supposedly long last lipgloss that did not last at all and I am annoyed. Yet another reason to switch to lipstain.

And I think I'm spent. I have really bad cramps and need to find my Midol before I reach in and yank my uterus out through my cervix.

Homo Out.

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Gogol makes me think crazy.

I started reading some Gogol on Friday on my way home from work. I purchased the Dover Thrift edition of Diary of a Madman and Other Stories and it was well worth the four dollars it cost me. It's was a virgin book.

Very tasty.

This article about the long mourned magazine Sassy is great. I loved Sassy when I was just a lil baby beasty. I was probably a little younger than their target demographic but still it made me a happy lil camper. I remember making some of their DIY projects before I knew what the fuck DIY stood for, and for the record. I fucking hated Courtney Love then and still do.

Anyone who makes their name on sheer skank factor pisses me the fuck off.

If these bitches are famous why am I not?

Before I start frothing about jack asses who's sole reason for being famous and/or rich has to do with birth and ick let me move on.

Speaking of Nerve does anyone aside from me remember the amazingly HOT spread of Mia Tyler that was in that a few years back? My God that girl. Luscious like hot damn I wanna take a bite of that ass. Mmm yeah.

While on the subject of juicy I just ate another pear. And I'm about to eat a banana with peach yogurt on the side. Actually not on the side, to cut down on my personal mess factor I'm chopping the banana up and dropping it into the yogurt.

So while I'm on the subject of health I realized a little earlier today that taking MSM as a supplement has been such an enormous help with the arthritis and other assorted joint pain. Unlike glucosamine it's not so damn expensive and it works fairly quickly. The reason I mention it is because I ran out between shipments last week and wow. My knees and ankles were hurting quite a bit. Being without that for almost a week made a huge difference.

Good thing I hit up the Puritan's Pride I picked myself up five bottles of MSM, two of melatonin, and two tea tree blemish treatment sticks for 25 bucks and free UPS shipping. Not bad I say.

I also feel the need to share that Ting Ting Jahe ginger candy is like fucking crack and I can't stop eating it. At this rate I'm going to shit myself later. Ginger is fabulous for your digestive tract but seriously, ingesting it in this amount is likely to induce speed guts.

Now aren't all five of you glad you read my blog?

The moratorium on pants continues. Outfit of the day is a black full length slim velvet skirt, black tights, black flats, black v-neck tunic length sweater. Didn't do much with hair or make up today.

I really should've worn boots.

I am listening to Wumpscut that makes me giggle a little because I haven't listened to them in years.

In other news, I am really annoyed that in my spate of vitamin ordering I entirely forgot about buying more hair/nail/skin formula and I neglected to remember my megaC either.

Fuck sake.

NO MORE FUCKING GINGER!

After I finish my hot ginger drink no more for the day. Otherwise I will have an accident. And there is nobody here to wipe my butt but me.

I have been introduced to a new web comic and you must look at it. I command you.

Now I think I'm spent. I have to pee and make some tea. Pu Erh is calling my name.

Homo Out.

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