Mouth-gasm and Fatty ponderings.

First and foremost I am right now eating this giant spanikopita and I think I jizzed in my pants.

I really love Greek food however I am persnickety about it. And this is good. The green onion isn't overpowering and the feta is tangy crumbly and melts on my tongue.

The Tzatziki sauce is also excellent. I think I taste a little bite of dill or something in it.

The following meandering thoughts may be spurred by the rough month I've had or maybe I'm just over sensitive but there's things on my mind.

There was a conversation over in Fatshionista regarding the sizes on sales posts.

Some few sentiments expressed rubbed my feathers entirely the wrong way.

Among them the continued not wanting to have them. While I understand that everyone has their indidivual tastes when people say things like, "well I would never buy used/thrifted/whatever clothes like that." (emphasis mine) I get a little annoyed. I said it there a long time ago but, some of us fat folks are fucking poor.

I am among them. I buy brand spanking new from the store clothes maybe 3 times a year and only when they are on serious clearance. To tell you folks the truth I don't even remember the last time I bought a piece of clothing that was regularly over say 15-20$ for full price. No wait I lie, the last brand new thing I bought full price was dundundun, a 22$ bra.

So yes, maybe I have poor mans hackles up but that sort of thing annoys me. Good for you if you can afford fabulous new clothes at will, not everyone can.

Also, some people live in areas where finding a Lane Bryant, Torrid, where ever they sell decent plus size clothes is just not happening.

What else? Actually I had something about size to talk about here but now I don't feel like it. To tell you the truth I don't fucking care anymore if other fat people don't want smaller fat people in the sandbox. i'm over it.

Instead I want to talk about an entry by The Endomorph. Her List of Fat Sins.


I am someone who for most of my adult life has been poor. Working and very poor. When I say poor I mean making decisions between paying the rent and going to the doctor. Buying groceries or paying the phone bill. Not getting fresh fruit or vegetables for weeks and sometimes months on end.

One thing that bothers me a lot is just how often it is that I hear, "oh eat organic and healthy and you'll feel GREEEEEEEEEEEAT" fat or no. It's infuriating because if I'm struggling to keep myself in Top Ramen how am I going to afford the fucking lettuce that costs five goddamn dollars a head when for that same five dollars I could feed myself for a week?

And yes, I can feed myself (just myself not Uniballer too but I will get to life wit him in a moment) on five dollars a week.

All too often (not just in the Fatosphere) I hear so much about things that are just out of my reach and somehow plant that, "less than" seed in my head. Less than because I can't afford Big Body Yoga Classes and organic no hormone happy cow milk or fantastic Dansko shoes that don't make my feet hurt. It's painful.

It's painful because being poor is hard enough. And trying (even though I personally try really hard not to do this, sometimes I do anyway) to feel like a part of something that is outside the reach of my fingertips, is heart breaking.

It's painful when your doctor lectures you because you're not only fat, but your diet sucks. Which I've had happen way more often than I'd like to say.

And going to what I said earlier clothes. For the longest time I was really not excited about the fat girl clothing communities because it's so fucking expensive. All I read about for the longest time were these stores with these beautiful clothes made for a bigger body then I checked it all out in my absolute betwitterment and it hurt. I still can't afford things like that.

I'm not going to trot out the whole Privilege Backpack or whatever the fuck that is, I am not your minority lecturer. Instead I do ask that you think about things outside your portion of the world.

Anyhow as promised to the Lovely Ms. Endomorph my favorite ramen recipes. Broke ass comfort foods.

First one:

1-2 packets (depending on how many you're feeding) of chicken ramen
1-2 tins tuna. (I often buy tuna at the dollar store or other hood grocery store for even cheaper)
1 tin of the following, depending on what you like. Corn, Peas, Green beans whatever.
Dollop of one of the following (again depending on your taste) ranch, sour cream, cream cheese

Crush up your noodles and boil them, drain them. Add your flavor packet and creamy sauce, mix well. Add pepper to your taste. I also like to add some garlic something, onion powder if I have it. A dosh of hotsauce and/or chili powder. Crumble up your tuna mix, then last drain and add your veggies.

Hearty and no more than 1.50 per serving.

#2

1-2 packets of beefy ramen. I like to use the spicy one.
1-2 of those super cheap log hamburger patties, (or the weird frozen log of ground beef, here the boxes often go on sale for HElLA cheap and we get one for this sort of thing.)
Seasonings to your taste. The spicy beef ramen doesn't need it but feel free to add whatever floats your boat. The dollar store dried minced garlic is good for this.

Brown your beef with the bits of dried garlic chunks. No need for salt. Let that bubble. Crush up your noodles cook em and drain em. Drain your beef, add your flavor packet to your noodles, stir, add beef, stir. Enjoy filling beefy ramen.

#3 Same as above but add ranch, cream cheese whatever for a creamy comforting type warm food.

Also any sort of lunch meat, or if you are like me and like cheap deli meat you can slice that up and add it for a tasty treat.

Currently I don't always have to eat like that and I'm grateful. Uniballer and I have been poor enough to be splitting packs of Top Ramen or taking change to buy Top Ramen for weeks.

And let me clear up a few misconceptions about poor fat people.

Not all of us live off of Little Debbie snacks and fast food.

Some of us, it doesn't what/how much we eat, we're still going to be fat.

And eating these things, shopping at Hellmart, not being in a HAES state of mind, none of these things makes one a bad fattie. None of them.

I think that's all I'm spent and I want to eat some Haw Flakes and drink some hot ginger drink because my tummy is upset.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

I'm a FAYREEEEE

So I'm again cruising the interwebs and I'm finding some really cool things that give me ideas.

Ideas are good.

I have a serious goal to get back into sewing because stuff I like is freaking expensive.

So.

I really love this overdress style. Very versatile looking and I bet if I made one with sleeves in a heavier fabric it would make a nice fall coat.

I also have this plan in mind to redo a coat given to me by a coworker. It's cute but not my style so I want to turn it into a three quarter length monster fur coat with a hood and ears.

I'm pricing materials and have been coming up with a plan to make the Beasty Coat live.

My ultimate goal here is to get to a point that I can just whip up whatever outlandish winged, chain having, furry outfit I get an itch for and thus save a shitload of money in the process. Which would leave money for fabulous shoes.

And who doesn't need their wardrobe to turn into a stygian morass of velvet and shiny things? Exactly.

I think I love Kiera Knightley a little bit right now. I just read this quote:

Talking about seeing Ditto at a Gossip gig she told Elle magazine: 'When she was performing she started taking all her clothes off. I stood there watching her strip, thinking, 'Oh my God, that woman is so sexy.'

I think that was a very cool thing of her to say. And from the rest of the article I don't think she was being facetious which I love even more.

I think it's sad that she gets picked on so much. Yes she is a very skinny girl. And from what she's said goddamn it leave her the hell alone about it. It makes me sad that she's made to feel badly about her body. Fucking stop. And how people are reacting makes me ill.

And really if any celebrity is actually suffering from an eating disorder does harassing them help? No. Frankly I'm over the whole debate. Let people work it out if they need to and leave them the fuck alone while they are doing it.

It's fairly maddening.

Onto happier things.

I ate some Beltane chocolate and will probably dance around a little.

I think this year I might actually celebrate Midsummer. I think going to the Summer Solstice Parade and Pageant might do me some spiritual/soul good. Naked Bicyclists and other random strange people is a good thing.

That would be a good excuse to dress up in sparkly fairy wear and make with the cuteness. That would be fun.

What else?

Not much actually altough I do have a favor to ask.

I signed up for this silly send money via text message etc service and for every person I refer I earn 5$. All you have to do is get an email sign up with any phone number, get a call at that number, listen to the message and press 1. I get five dollars and if you decide to use it you get 5$ too.

I want to make 40 dollars so I can purchase a relaxer and a few other random girl type things that I am otherwise too broke to buy.

Comment with email and I will send you an invite.

Now I'm off to do other GPT type things and try to earn some more loots for stuff.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Money Making and whatnot.

So in my eternal quest for more income I'm doing a lot of GPT and affiliate type stuff.

Tiring but necessary.

I'm not doing anymore online sales for now because I seriously dislike the PO closest to my house.

However I have found some more drop ship options that I am looking into.

The bottom line is that I am tired of working for the man for peanuts. Like every other jackass with a computer and a fragile bank account I search and search and search. I don't want to become rich. Granted that would be pretty cool but, for now I'd just be comfortable being comfortable. Not worrying about every penny and budgeting myself into a lather.

Pocket money is a good thing.

In other news my poetry book is 95% done. I've got it edited, formatted and my front cover created. All that is left to do is a title page, back cover and upload. Then maybe create some banners and get to pimping. I'm thinking I will probably charge 10$. I priced it out at Lulu and that seems to be an appropriate price.

I'm still kind of hemming and hawing about creating a myspace page for it. But yeah whatever. If I'm going to pimp it I might as well go big yes?

I'm not entirely over my issues with self publishing but, I think that doing this will satisfy the desire I've had to do a chapbook since I was a kid. This isn't exactly what I had in mind back then. Back in the day what I wanted to do was one of those crappily xeroxed punk rock hand stapled monstrosities that I was so in love with. I remember I used to have quite a collection of them that I'd bought everywhere or snatched from free piles.

Even the ones that weren't very good i coveted because it represented something to me that I to this day can't really name. Some feeling that I've accomplished something very cool. Even if everyone reads it and says, "go cry emo kid". I don't actually care.

I also think that finally completing this will free me up to get on with some other things creatively speaking. Purge one obsession and grow another I suppose.

I am still kicking around the idea of doing some kind of spoken word CD. I'm a little leery though, I don't want to go crazy with this self publishing Lulu thing. I don't want to be one of those authors. Hard to explain but I just don't.

Not much else going on. I still have a few submissions out there in the ether but I'm not holding my breath. I did finally grow some balls and resubmitted to a magazine I LOVE and the one where the editor actually asked to see more of work.

Ugh. The shy writer.

Fucking stupid.

What else?

I keep having a recurring fantasy that involves nothing more exciting than spending say half a year doing whatever I please. Not working, writing, walking, going out for coffee, laying about naked, maybe going to the zoo outlandishly dressed and spending some quality time talking to the reptiles. Also in there would be doing things like eating a lot of fabulous desserts and fruit. And probably getting a lot more tattoos at my leisure.

Sense the theme here?

Yes, right now my entire fantasy fueled desires revolves around relaxing. Gods I've gotten boring.

I suppose I can feel a little better since part of that fantasy revolves around traipsing around town in a tiara.

I think that's about all for now. I'm going to eat a stale peep (mmmm best part of the Bunny holiday) and probably do a little writing.

Stumble It!

Makin MONIES foo!

So I've been doing auctions and sold two items. YAY.

I also did a new pay per click thing I spent 1 dollar and made 25$. I'm going to do more this weekend and hopefully get another 25$ Next week.

So I'm chipping away puttering up to my 200$ goal.

That's good.

Birthday is tomorrow and I'm working that sucks.

Missing SEAF sucks.

But, I will get work done this weekend. I have auction blurbs written I just have to take photos and measurements and I'll have 4 more auctions up. That's good.

I've also decided to start selling on amazon again. So I'll probably be tossing out a link to my used book store there instead of doing a page myself. It's just easier. Amzon does all the payment stuff etc.

So yeah.

Um I don't really have much more to say right now. Aside from my poetry book is 31 pages down and I probably have another twenty or so pages to add and some newer stuff to transcribe. H opefully I can get that done this weekend.

So yeah homo out.

Stumble It!

Bears lookin in my window

The title refers to this article I read on CNN. Bears crack me up when they aren't you know, doing bear things like ripping off faces.

A tip from your citified Nudiemuse, leave the bears the hell alone.

What else?

The weather has been lovely today. Sunny bright and chilly. So I am wearing a favorite outfit. Black knee length slipdress, crepe button up shirt thing, black tights, mary janes. Similarly simple make up, a swoosh of black liquid liner, buttload of mascara. Shiny barely pink lips.

In other news that payper click thing I was nattering about (the gangster greed link at your right) paid the other day. 10$. Some people scoff at that but, that's a weeks worth of coffee, a pack of imported cigarettes, a few feel goods etc. It all helps. I am actually saving it though, I've got more coming this week or next. I am actually saving up for henna to treat my hair with.

I am excited because I don't mind clicking away for goodies.

The next thing I need to save up for is a digital camera of some sort. I don't really need anything fancy but I'd like to start auctioning regularly to make some of the proverbial extra moolahs and I don't have a camera to use. And I refuse to sell stuff without taking photos.

I will also need some plastic tubs for storage.

This year I am getting my fucking hustle on if it kills me goddamn it.

I also think I'm going to seriously sew. I'm a little scare but fuck it.

My birfday is coming up and I've been considering what I want to do to celebrate the big 30 and I'm kind of coming up short.

I could kind of go for some new hair. Braids or something maybe. I don't know.

I'm going to go make more tea and do more clicking. I want henna now.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Onto the Soapbox I climb.

I've been reading here and there various takes on Tower closing up shop. I worked at Tower here in Seattle in the U district for a time and frankly, (contrary to what I thought i felt about it) I am not entirely moved.

Probably due to the fact that I worked there. Granted there were none of the absurd Pep Squad tactics of say the Warner Bros. Studio store (where I also worked) but, for all the amusement and cool things there was a lot of bullshit. Not just the typical retail bullshit, I was used to that by that point. But doing a lot of work for minimum wage.

What always irked me that even though I was (and am) a gainfully employed hard working drone, I could not afford to shop there. They did not keep up. When someone at the store lamented about getting crushed by local competition when it came to large selling titles my response was fairly simple. Stop charging 1991 prices.

I did love that I could find pretty much anything at Tower. I loved that I could call the store in LA, talk to the boy who always said I had a sexy voice and he would often send me something. I liked getting free shit from record lables, I loved after the boss went home blaring NWA interspersed with Squarepusher. I loved dancing in the front window for tips (with a few other disgruntled employees) when we were not allowed to leave a half hour early on New Year's Eve.

But am I really sad to see it go?

No.

Another reason I'm not overly upset about it is the greasy feeling I had working there. At a look Tower was fantastic. Cool strange people working there, I could wear pretty much whatever, no one batted an eye when I (or any of the other employees) wore weird clothes or hair. But, underneath the uber-cool facade was the reality. Wage slaving for minimum wage and praying for a "promotion" to make that extra quarter.

Most of the people I worked with weren't slackers, most of them just to make it, had 3-4 roommates, ate shit food etc.

Actually let me stop here. My blase feelings about Tower are the same blase feelings I have about many companies.

Too much expectation for too little payout.

I'm sure many of you gentle readers know what I'm talking about.

You take a job, whatever job you have and (at least from personal experience) most have the rah rah "give 110%" type credo of one sort or another.

Sell more!
LOVE the customers!
BE the BEST!

However when it comes time to pay you for your efforts, you're presented with what amounts to a drop in the bucket. I don't believe that people are poor simply because they don't work hard enough. I think many people are and remain poor because working doesn't pay the bills. Let me put it this way, if you're making 24k a year as a customer service rep. and where you live the median income to live is around 36K a year, do you really make enough money to give a tin shit about your customer?

When you're scrambling to make sure the rent is paid, the phone is paid, the car is working, you have a bus pass etc etc etc, when you are sitting debating eating ramen for a week so you can pay your phone bill or just going without, would you care?

I don't.

I don't know how many people I know who work damn hard, who struggle and hustle just to keep a rented roof over their heads. What's the solution?

I think Big Business needs to take another look. What would be the best thing ever I think, (as suggested by Tupac Shakur) would be that the Haves trade places with the Have Nots. As in that book Nickel and Dimed.. If you make say 250K a year, you get to trade places with someone who makes 25K a year. You're a well paid whatever? You get to work at McDonald's or WalMart.

I'm not talking forever. Say 6 weeks.

I'm suggesting that the people who ostensibly run shit, need to be reminded if they've forgotten, or learn if they don't know how hard it is just to be a working stiff.

Now don't mistake here. This isn't about welfare, liberalism or even so much class issues. It's simply about practicality. I'll steal a line from Fight Club here and say, "we protect you while you sleep."

It's about understanding what the fuck is really going on in this country. It's about right and wrong.

I will step off of my soapbox now.

No wait back on it for a minute. I just read a post in a LJ community about the "low income lifestyle" what the FUCK is that supposed to mean? Being poor isn't a fucking lifestyle. I hate it when people try to be some cachet into economic motherfucking hardship. Worrying about being homeless isn't a lifestyle. Working yourself to death just to stay clothed fed and housed is not a fucking lifestyle. Fuck sake.

And now I'm spent. I am honestly not in a great frame of mind. Holiday malaise combined with a cranky tummy. I'm spent.

Stumble It!