Keeping it on the DL.

As promised yesterday I want to talk about racism on the down low. And I'm not talking about boys who like getting a little boy on boy action in secret. That I will discuss at another time.

Now as a person who lives in an area of the US that is not known for a lot of race issues, and who has been to places where the race issues are right there in your face I can come at this from several different ways. And I will cover a few so buckle up.

First let's discuss the institutionalized type of racism. I'm talking about racism from on high as it were. Racism from people in positions of authority.

Let's talk about the police.

I am not and haven't ever been a knee jerk cop hater. Matter of fact I've known some cops whom I've respected, loved and thought were good at their jobs. Those are not the cops I am talking about. An example from real life mmkay?

A few years ago I spent a day out shopping by myself in downtown Seattle. Feeling cute, all happy and I noticed a man following me all over downtown. Through Westlake Center (mall) into and out of several other shops and it made me uncomfortable and not happy. So, I walked up to a gaggle of police officers and explained quietly and on of the officers put his arm around my shoulders, said thanks for bringing lunch honey and scooted me around the big police van thing out of sight. The other cops, went after the guy.

Turns out, they had been getting complaints from women all weekend about this creepy man following them.

Happy ending, I was treated respectfully and asked if I wanted to be escorted to my bus stop, if I needed anything. The sort of thing I expect from those carrying the weight of the words, "To Serve And Protect".

Now another example.

For a long time five nights a week I walked home via the same route, at the same time. I would get off of the bus and head home. For weeks, several officers in m neighborhood would creep along some ways behind me, spot lighting me occasionally, never once saying a word. For weeks. Now as suspicious as a lone, 5'3" inch woman in an overcoat and carrying (at the time) a pretty business like soft sided briefcase type thing might be, I would think that loitering groups of littering, clearly intoxicated people might be worth more of their time.

Is that racism? I have to wonder.

Even when I was living in an area where it was 98% white (I was quite literally one of two black women in the immediate vicinity) I was only spot lighted (for those that don't know spot lighting is when the cop shine the big light on their car directly into your face) except for the time I was walking home and dropped my purse.

In some of my interactions with police it has been assumed that because I am black and happen to be in a place where shit may or may not have happened, I know something. Or worse I'v been stopped and asked where I am going. On the face of it these things don't sound so bad. Police doing police work. However at 31 years old I have come to loathe the tone.

It's the condescending, you must be doing something wrong tone I have heard from many police officers in and around Seattle. I have been in a car with someone while he was pulled over for driving while black. In a neighborhood with a posted 15 mile an hour speed limit we were trying to find an address after dark and were questioned for about half an hour. We weren't speeding, his tags were fine, his tail lights and headlights were in working condition, we were not impeding traffic, we were not creeping along the street. If you have never been spoken to this way you probably can't really imagine.

It's far worse when you know for goddamn sure that you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

More examples?

I was talking to a black man about my age on the bus the other day, he is well dressed usually not a person you'd look at and maybe think "oh nooo". About three weeks ago while he was waiting for a bus along a fairly industrial stretch of road he was issued a 300$ ticket for..wait for it... spitting on transit property. As in on the sidewalk.

I know the bus stop where this occurred, and it is not a high crime area. It is not a high crack zone. Now why is it I have seen police locally cruise right by men who are not black who are clearly stumbling drunk? Or pissing on things?

Ask yourself.

Now these are not things I've heard or read about in the paper. These are things I have experienced myself. I won't even get into class today.

What about other people? People one can reasonably look at as having some authority in the big bad world.

One thing that stands out in my memory was a student teacher I had. He had come into one of my classes, I had written a paper on my take on Prohibition. It got passed around and he read it an apparently liked it quite a bit.

However when we were introduced I saw the look. It's that look of "Oh yer black". He did have enough class not to actually articulate the thought but it was there. I've been hearing and seeing that reaction I know it on sight.

Yes, folks that counts as racism.

Why?

Okay let me break it down for you.

Racism does not have to involve action. Nor does it have to be a conscious thought to be a racist thought or opinion.

Nor does it matter in my view what your intention is. Haddayr (while you're there reading check out her fiction too).

This bit is very astute.

But my feelings were not at issue, here.

Exactly and thank you.

Many people all over the blog world have said this and I will repeat it again myself. Your feelings are not the issue at hand.

I look at it like this.

If I walk up to you and start calling you an asshole and you're offended and hurt and yes maybe a little pissed off, I don't think me getting butthurt because I might not have "meant it that way" is a good reason to tell you, that you can't be offended or pissed off that I said it.

I have seen this happen time and again and sometimes I believe it's inadvertent.

Most human beings when they feel picked on want to defend themselves. However, I do think people need to learn when defending yourself is clearly not the best tact.

As I have said before as well. To my people, I love you, your smart. When you get caught up using a word that someone tells you is really offensive, or hurts them. No they might not be polite, actually they might yell at you. However the answer is not to whine and point, "but I didn't mean it that way".

The best things to do pick one that suits you.

"Oh SHIT I am so sorry I didn't know that's what that meant."
"Really? I didn't know that I'm sorry."

See the theme?

Acknowledging another persons experience does not mean you're ceding your point, nor does it mean you're wrong and horrible, and it doesn't mean you lose the argument. What it shows the person you're speaking to is that you value what they have to say, and have enough class and brains to know maybe you done did something wrong.

Now back to racism and when it's devious and subtle.

Down low, devious insidious racism is way harder for me to deal with than in my face I know where I stand racism. As a person, it hurts my heart far more when I notice someone clutching their purse at my approach even though they've seen me nightly for two weeks.

It hurts me more to think I might've heard someone mutter nigger than someone saying it right to my face. Has this happened to me? Yes it has.

And it's infuriating because on one hand when you point these things out, some people will say yeah fuck that sucks. On the other hand it's easy to get branded as reactionary and crazy and people will either not listen to you or worse laugh and quite frankly I don't generally feel like dealing with that sort of shit.

I would much prefer having someone pointing at me and being forthright in their hate or whatever than not.

It's extraordinarily tiring to figure out if I am being followed in a store because I am black, or because I look like I don't belong etc. It's tiring. And don't tell me not to think about it because I can't not think about it.

I'm probably going all over the place. I'm very tired I didn't sleep well.

I also am still working on my AromaLeigh review. I'm going to do all the colors I bought so you have to wait.

Tomorrow, I have no idea.

Probably fat and um...somthing.

Homo Out.

Tags: race, racism

Stumble It!

Noisy Fat Girl.

Before I start yammering I want to tell all my Seattle area homies to go see Miss Sarah K.L read next weekend. Get info here then go.

Also note to self get her banner up kthnks.

And as SharkFu posted today Mrs Loving passed away. That makes me really sad. And I can say that it really pisses me right the fuck off that I can't find the fucking news story on CNN. That reinforces my anger that the story of the Lovings wasn't something I was taught in school but had to find out for myself.

Okay now more stuff.

I finally saw Michael Moore's slightly histrionic film about insurance "Sicko". I tend to take Mr. Moore with a bit of a grain of salt. He's going for the jugular in his films, he wants to yank on those heartstrings and make you cry.

I did not cry.

Nor was I in the least bit shocked at anything in that film. There are many reasons for this so let's go through them.

1.) I was a sickly child in a poor but mostly making it home. Born premature, prone to ear infections, bronchitis, falls, ER visits. That means lots of expensive prescriptions, doctor visits etc. Thankfully nothing was ever life threatening and my parents had medical coverage.

2.) As an adult I spent quite a bit of time being very very poor and having no insurance and being sickly. Thus I had some medical bills that I still owe on ten years later and I went untreated a majority of the time.

3.) I know and have known people who were gravely and not so gravely ill with not enough medical coverage.

So bearing that in mind nothing I saw shocked me. It's nothing new in this country. There are few corners of American life where the prevailing sentiment no matter what the politicians say is, "Fuck you if you're poor nobody gives a shit."

I am all for universal medical coverage in spirit however, looking at how well our government does in other areas I am skeptical that our country could handle it at all from the end of those in charge.

Most of the people I know who are vehemently against universal health care come from affluent homes, have never been seriously ill and don't have children who are ill. I'll give you a for instance.

A friend of mine had a sister who was about 14 years his junior, when she was 8 she was diagnosed with cancer. Despite the medical coverage his parents had, they could not get her the help she desperately needed because the treatment her doctors recommended was "not available" and the cash amount for it was up over 300,000$. And if there was no clear payment she did not get treated. She got chemo, shitloads of drugs and died at age 10.

A different friend, nearly the same situation but his parents had that kind of money available. His sister is now almost 25 years old and healthy.

Am I shocked? No.

That is the reality of being an American Have or Have Not. The fact is that it doesn't really matter overmuch how much you weigh, how much you eat, how healthy of a lifestyle you live. It's about dollars. If you don't have the dollars you are pretty much fucked.

I have known many people who've lost their homes, livelihoods, have lost everything including their lives because of the mismanagement and greed of the health care industry at large. Does it piss me off? Hell yes.

Really at this point I would rather move to another country if I found out there was something seriously wrong with me than be treated here.

In a similarly histrionic vibe let's talk about SuperSize Me for a moment. Whenever something like that gets hyped so much I am generally quite slow to want to have anything to do with it.

Super Size Me was no exception. Frankly I thought the whole thing was stupid. If you work off of the assumption that all fat people are fat because they eat the way that man did all the time, you're probably the same kind of person who believes poor people are poor because they are lazy. If you believe in the demonization of the fast food industry as being the scapegoat for the health woes of this country, yeah. Really seriously man?

All that aside the reality is that yes, not eating a crapload of fast food and other processed foods is good for you. Orly? Woooooooooowwwwwwwww I had no idea. /sarcasm.

I was unimpressed and really kind of grossed out.

I am no huge fan of fast food. I know right? HOLY SHIT A FAT PERSON DOESN'T LIKE FAST FOOD OH GOD.

I don't. If I want a burger I want quality beef, cooked to order preferably with melted blue cheese and bacon on it. If I want french fries I prefer them to be made from a substance that was discernibly a potato once. I will say occasionally, I do like greasy crappy food but not a lot and I pay the price because my body doesn't like it.

Also people who do eat like that I would guess are the exception rather than the rule. Who the fuck can afford that?

Now via the Fatosphere from a post by Equality on the plains apparently there is a rebuttal for Super Size Me called FatHead . I watched the trailer and it looks decent.

However, I am leery that some will turn it into yet another "just an excuse for teh fatties" thing and I am not into it at all.

Honestly, I think that people are probably smart enough to be presented with facts and make up their minds without the theatrics and weird stunts. I consider the insane Fast Food menus to be weird stunts.

I think at some level we all know that no matter what you're studying, the facts can be skewed to say what you want them to say.

An example I am pulling out of my ass:

60% of African Americans think that poop is a disgusting nasty word.

Now..

40% of White people believe that poop is a fantastic and wonderful word.

Same information presented two different ways right? So if you're talking to people who want to believe that poop is a disgusting nasty word which form of data would you present?

And while I'm on a roll here I want to talk about privilege again.

If you don't believe that a certain privilege exists whether it's thin privilege, white privilege whatever. People watch for awhile.

An experiment.

I will assume here everyone knows someone who isn't the same ethnicity they are. Ask them if they have ever been uncomfortable in a situation the moment people laid eyes on them. Or if you don't want to do that sit down and really think about this, you don't have to tell anyone what you come up with but yourself.

Have you ever walked into say a convince store, all you really want is a candy bar, a bottle of milk and a magazine or something. The minute you walk in you can feel eyes on your neck, the second you pick up your candybar the person behind the counter moves to keep you in their line of sight. Let's say you go into this place all the time, have never stolen anything, have never been rude or weird.

Let's say you get all your stuff and get in line behind another person. The person in front of you pays with a twenty and goes on about their business. Your turn comes and the person behind the counter stares at your pockets, or your purse. Then when you hand over the twenty dollar bill, it gets examined, you get stared at again, maybe they call someone from the back to look at your bill.

How would you feel? How would it feel to know that the sole reason for this treatment is the way you look?

Think very very hard about it then tell me privilege doesn't exist.

The sad fact is there's not a lot you can do about it aside from acknowledge it and then, here comes the hard part, understand that someone who gets that treatment in places you don't, is having a wholly different experience than yours. Listen to people when they talk about it, don't assume that if your experience being thin/black/white/fat/trans etc is all sunshine and glitter, that it must be that way for everyone.

Now to look at it from the flipside, my minority homies you have a responsibility in this conversation too. The fact is that the person you're speaking to will probably absolutely not get it. That is just the truth. They might empathize, they might question, they might sympathize but the fact is that person is not going to completely understand and that's ok.

Don't expect that person to understand fully it's unfair. Also unfair is to carry your own prejudices and anger into situations that don't warrant it. Not all of "them" (whomever they may be) are the enemy so to speak. And if you treat everyone you encounter like an enemy, you'll probably get that reflected right back in your face. It's a vicious cycle of suck. So just don't do it.

Example?

Of course.

In the US there is the oft repeated stereotype that Asian people of whatever descent don't like and hate black people. I have heard it all over, listened just the other day to a black man at the bus stop ranting about the Asians in the neighborhood.

I have seen this particular man around quite a bit and he is almost always combative, hateful and speaks disrespectfully to people. He carries that, he wears his disrespect for everyone like a badge on his shirt that says fuck you.

So the other day he was ranting all about how rude the Asian (for the record they are Japanese) people who own a new little smoke shop in the neighborhood had been to him. He went on and on about how "they" are taking over "his" country and he can't get welfare because of "them" yadda yadda.

When he turned to me I shrugged and told him that they are always very nice to me, have gone out of their way to order a few things they didn't carry just because I asked. And not like huge orders, things specifically for me. How they always slip something free into my bag even when I buy just a pack of smokes or whatever.

Why?

The answer is actually quite simple and has worked for me pretty much where ever I go. I don't act like an asshole as soon as I step in the door. I don't give people fuck you looks for no reason. I don't walk around being a dick so in turn people tend to be pretty nice to me.

Even stores I'd heard were notorious for "hating black shoppers" I have often had no issues.

That isn't to say I've not been followed in stores, harassed etc. But it's the exception rather than the rule.

My point here is if you're giving the finger, someone is likely to give it right back to you.

It goes both ways.

Okay I'm done. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about racism on the downlow and why I'd prefer it right in my face.

Now I'm going to eat my tasty noodly beefy soup.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Those wacky racists man.

Okay I've been fairly serious lately and I'm a little over it.

So some funny stories about racism as it has happened to and around me.

Story#1.

Picture this. I am with this dude who is enormous, white, seriously tattooed and essentially looks like he eats glass. He was a friend of mine from the UK and whenever he passed through town on one of his adventures, we would have ourselves a good visit. So he and I went to a Denny's/Shari's/shitty diner type place. I believe it was a Shari's here in WA. So we go and get seated in the smoking section and start catching up with each other.

In walks equally giant dude with what looks like lots of Rebel Flag related paraphernalia about his person. Now contrary to what some people might think the sight of that particular image isn't one that will send me into an instant froth of rage. Anytime I'm met with "The South Will Rise Again" type rhetoric I will laugh in the persons face. Yeah, a.) not an issue b.) are you fucking serious? So yeah that bit didn't make me pee myself in righteous wrath, we giggled a little and kept on talking.

So my friend goes to the mens room and the Rebel Flag wearing, heavily inked guy is in there and speaks very loudly about race traitors, the mud people, what have you. My friend comes back looking really fucking confused. And big and bad as my friend looked he was quite adorable when he got that perplexed 6 year old expression on his face. A classic disapproving bunny kind of look. (also note here, random flickr is AWESOME). So I give my friend a quick explanation of the red neck, blowhard variety of racist and he snorts and replies, (I will seriously never forget this)

"Like a fuckin' skinhead with bad hair? Fuckin silly twat."

You have to imagine that said in a basso profundo very Cockney accent.

I was fine until he called the guy a twat then I got the giggles. There is something about a British accent and the words, twat, tit, tart etc that give me giggles on a massive and horrendous giggles. Like can't breath please say it again but don't say it again or I will wet myself kind of way.

So there I am snorting in laughter and Mr. Redneck blowhard starts in talking to the (I am quite certain) hard of hearing old man next to him at the counter. Old man doesn't say a word or even acknowledge him. So he's ranting away about the stupidness of the evil Mud People of doom and the shame of the British (my friend) and their race trading.

Then I swear to fluffy bunnies the dude turned around and just stared at us.

I have a certain personality flaw that makes me laugh at people. Not in a nice way but in a mean yes I am totally laughing at your stupid ass kind of way. I will dissolve in giggles and snortings. Which is exactly what I did. My friend wasn't laughing, it was just me.

Mr. Blowhard got really pissed and got that red faced look of rage because I was still laughing. Everytime I turned to look at him it started all over again. When I laugh that hard I make "eeeeee" noises, I might fart and I might fall on the floor. I finally got enough breath to point to his meaty forearm and say,

"Dude, White Pride has an E on the end man. That's spelled wrong"

At which point everyone in the immediate vicinity started laughing. Mr. Blowhard left in a huff probably to kick the shit out of some back alley tattooist.

I've said before that I will laugh in your face if I think you're stupid. It's kind of a fucked up mean thing to do but sometimes I really can't help myself. I'm actually kind of surprised I've never been beaten up or had my ass whooped. Although I think it surprises people enough that it kind of takes the wind out of their sails. Also quick tip, when someone is freaking out on you a dead stare does wonders. Then when they're finished say dead pan (bonus points for a cocked eyebrow) "feel better now?"

It's mean but it works.

Story#2

My friends and I went to a show at the Showbox here in Seattle. I think it was Pretty Girls Make Graves, or maybe Voodoo Glow Skulls. I think it was the latter. So we're having a good time, drinking beer, dancing and I notice a kind of cute boy hovering around the edges of our wee group. As one of my friends pointed out he seemed kind of fixated on me.

After awhile we got kind of skeeved so we took off and as we were walking down First Avenue South in downtown another friend notices boy is following us. I am not the sort of lady to keep quiet if someone is bothering me so I turned around and asked him what he wanted.

He got this terrible stricken look on his face and I instantly felt bad but then he started blabbering (no really blabbering like on the verge of tears blabbering) about how he'd been in some neo-nazi youth thing when he was younger and how it'd been so terribly fucked up and then he apologized to me.

I was frankly shell shocked and just sort of stared at him for a little while but then I gave him a hug and invited him out with us for more beers. He turned out to be a really nice guy albeit a little over eager to repent his evil ways. But a sweet kid.

I've had some friends and family members be very alarmed at my ability to forgive reformed or trying to reform racists. Especially ones who have been members of whatever supremacy groups. It's actually not all that difficult because I understand how those things work.

You take a disenfranchised person, someone who feels like they have nothing and are nothing and you make them feel important. You make them feel loved, you give them responsibilities, you give them purpose. You give them someone to look at and say, "You did this to me" and if the person was beat enough at the outset you get one good goddamn soldier.

Any large group of people do it. Activists do it, religions do it, political groups do it. They all have a lot in common. There is the idea that their ideology is the best, that their ideology will be or is the saviour of the rest of us poor fuckers. Don't delude yourself into thinking that only wingnut rednecks get sucked in because that's not true.

Now someone might intervene. Deprogram people as it were. But the point is in order to best a foe you have to know them. You have to make yourself sit in their seat, understand what they are saying and why or you'll be at it forever and making no progress.

In that same vein I think it's vitally important to learn the skill of seeing through another persons eyes and into their experience. If that means reading a book by someone entirely different from you, do it. Until you can accept and really see that our experiences as human beings are as varied as our fingerprints, and learn that negating that experience can potentially be the most divisive thing in the world, I don't think human beings are going to get anywhere.

I personally (and have since childhood) make a serious effort to understand things that are out of my sphere of knowledge. Whether that means talking to someone in the religious right, or if that means asking a nice Muslimah about her life, or if that means taking in information I find repugnant I will do it. For my life to proceed I need knowledge, and knowledge doesn't just come from my surface impressions of anything.

Okay yeah I went serious anyway. Couldn't help it.

I'm in a mood today.

My main point here is that open communication between people I believe could actually solve a shitload of our problems as humans. If we learn the ability to apologize and mean it, if we learn how to listen without inserting our own anxieties into the conversation, if we learn to stop being such self righteous ego maniacs, maybe we're not all as fucked as it might seem.

Later on today a review of AromaLeigh (I think I'm in lurve) and PixiePotions tasty home made perfume in Tupelo Honey.

Also I just edited this bitch twice because I can't spell or make a proper link apparently.

Tags: race, racism

Stumble It!

What the SHIT IS GOING ON HERE?

No seriously what the SHIT IS GOING ON ON THE INTERNET TODAY?

Being that I don't have a particularly wide readership aside from you random Google people who come looking for black girls with fat asses booty shaking I AM ZUUL I KNOW YER SEARCHES BITCHES, I feel like I can let loose as I please.

So.

Seal Press what the FUCK are you doing? What is with this mealy mouthed mother fucking shit? Are you fucking serious? No Seriously WHAT THE FUCK MAN?

I am entirely divided about how I feel about all this(I'm sorry my darling loves no recap I'm already too pissed off) on one hand Seal Press has published some books that have really impacted me. Someone I think is darling and wonderful (Sarah Katherine Lewis, who's new book you should totally buy, note to self get her banner placed today mmkay) has been published there and I've found glee and things that made me go YEAH YEAH YEAH (Picture me pumping my fist while I do that).

But, seriously. I hate to trot this out but oh HAY LADIEEZ YER PRIVELIGES IS SHOWING AND YER BOOK LEARNINGS IS NOT MADE OF WIN ON THE SUBJECT.

Bitch was actually pretty gentle about it because I suppose they are all homies. However I would much rather my friends if they see me smoking crack bitch slap my ass twice and tell me, BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

But then again I'm no gentle flower and since I'm one of "them" I engage best in a negative way. /snark. You have to read the original link up there to get that.

Okay *deep breath*

No wait...one more. OH GOD FUCK OFF.

Okay sorry. Had to get that out.

Now, okay. My homies who are not in the realm of People of Color. I am going to be your advocate right now. Everyone needs a friend like me and today baby I am your girl.

This is a case where (and I'm giving some huge benefit of the doubt here) maybe, the lady who made the original comment of:

Krista Lyons-Gould and Brooke Warner said...

Seal Press here. We WANT more WOC. Not a whole lotta proposals come our way, interestingly. Seems to me it would be more effective to inform us about what you'd like to see rather than hating.

---B

Now that is direct from the blog.

First of all this person does not know the blogger personally. And just like when you're strolling down the sidewalk just because something has an informal tone does not mean you come strutting in like you know people. It's rude and presumptuous.

Now BlackAmazon actually responded a lot more politely than I would and I tip my hat.

Blackamazon said...

First and foremost how ever rude and disrespectful your entrance , welcome to MY blog.

Secondly , considering you want more women of color I find it highly comical your response to a WOC is to tell her what it seems like to you is the best option for her experience.

Because immediately my display of anger is met with a public call for what is essentially servitude

I t seems like to me that this lack of out reach and unbelievable entitlement might have something to do with thelack

And finally since were not toddlers or characters from Miami's most wanted. I would prefer you not use the phrase "hating". YE s my language was strong but yes I would encourage or do EXTRA work for someone who characterizes my words as essentially empty minded hating or envy.

Now optimally, Lady1 should have read that taken it in and reworded. Or just said, (HERE'S THE LESSON BABIES) "Shit I am SO sorry."

Now yes there were other comments but being that, that comment came right from the blog owner and author, there you go. Coming back to defend what you said, when you've been told repeatedly how it was not appropriate is not the way to start any kind of dialogue.

Also, when speaking to people of color using the terms, "us" and "them" really doesn't help your cause.

Unlike my usual stance I will offer some alternatives to making yourself look like a dickhole a few appropriate and probably useful phrases to tuck into your mental roledex.

"Shit my bad I really didn't mean to be offensive. I'm sorry"

"I'm really sorry."

"Oh crap, oh crap oh crap. I'm sorry about that"

You my readers are smart so you see where I'm going. After making one of these statements shut the fuck up and put your listening ears on.

When dealing with someone who is not just like you, if they are a different color, fat, thin, have boobs, have boobs and a penis, have a penis, hate penis, love the vagina whatever. Remember that if that person tells you, that you have fucked up. Chances are maybe you did a little bit and it would be in your best interest to acknowledge that and not be a dick about it.

To go a step further when a LOT of these different people are saying in various ways that you Fucked. Up. Then seriously shut it and listen.

Don't whine.

Don't try to play the victim of teh evul whomevers who're all out to get ya. If you want to be taken seriously shut up.

If after all this you're still offering excuses and reasons why it's okay to have said what you said, fuck you. No really fuck you.

Okay. I'm better now.

See, this is why I should probably not be invited to things that require soft handed tactics because really, I can't control myself sometimes and I'd hate to make someone cry.

If you are afraid of, intimidated by or can't deal with angry black women I am probably not your homie. Sad to say but it's totally true and I can own it.

Moving on.

TR over at The Rotund needs a coblogger. Go do it. DO IT.

Over at BFD Mo Pie posted this, and as I'm looking at my crappy cup o Starbucks, (don't laugh it's almost payday and I'm kinda broke) I actually really like the Retro Chubby Mermaid. I find the shape of her stomach very pleasing to the eye and I'd like to lay my head on it.

What else?

OH Lindsay over at Sneaky Kitty started a new blog about pain and Fibro and stuff. Go read it here.

My pervy homies, check out this Knotty Boys video blog featuring Monk from Twistedmonk.com.

I dig Monk. I don't know as much about rope bondage as I'd like to and I've not done a lot of it but I would let him tie me up anytime he likes. Srsly.

While I'm discussing pervy things I think you should all go and read some of the archives over at Black As My Soul. I've read The Sinner for a long time and he's quite a tasty morsel.

And yes before you ask I am in fact objectifying men. And enjoying it.

And if you're still with me here after my frothing I reward you with some bewbies. I missed half naked Thursday so take some DAMN THEM SOME BIG TITTIES Friday.

That is a beer label and yes thems is my boobies.



Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, pervy, race, racism

Stumble It!

Bingo Part two.

I managed sleep last night however I do have a migraine. But we'll pick up the bingo game where I left off.

"I'M NOT A RACIST/I HAS BLACK FRIENDS/MY ONE BLACK FRIEND TOLD ME/YOU'RE DIFFERENT THAN OTHER BLACK PEOPLE"

Okay, super um, what's one more than a trifecta?

That's where I left off. If you will please reopen your bingo card and play along.

Now more true stories.

I can't tell you how many times I have asked someone who is not black a question, doesn't matter what question, and if I've raised an eyebrow at the answer or questioned the answer I have heard the instant, "I'm not a racist"

Another flavor of this is as follows:

Girl: I guess he's ok for a Black guy.
Me: *blink...blink...blink*
Girl: *Fluster, stammer then BINGO* But I'm not a racist or anything.

I have two responses for this sort of thing. If I'm annoyed enough, the first response is the stare of doom as in I will make you feel like it's that movie Scanners and your head is straight up about to blow right the fuck up. Or I will ask a seemingly innocent question which can lead to the person I'm talking to making an ass of him/herself.

The best one is (and you have to have the innocent confused look or it doesn't work) "what do you mean for a black guy". So yeah. There's that and often the responses that follow are along the lines of, "but I has black friends really, REALLY" or "well I didn't mean you, you're not like other black people" etc.

Yes that is racist. Is it on the same level as someone showing up at my door in their Angry Ghost outfit no, but that doesn't make it ok.

I'm not tackling all of the spaces I am too tired and my head hurts too much.

However I will tackle one last one that seems to be the theme of my dealings with people lately.

"Uses popular hip hop songs to relate to the culture"

Now I've said it before and I will say it again. And this goes for people of any color because it pisses me the fuck off.

Here is what happens, and it's usually from men trying to pick me up. Example:

A few weeks ago I was standing at my usual bus stop on my way home, two youngish white men both fairly tipsy come up the sidewalk. One says "hi" the other one drops this um...well I guess he was trying to sound like 50 Cent, at least that's the impression I got.

He said yo a few times, holla another few times, and I stopped listening to the actual words. When he was done I smiled and said, "fuck off."

Why? No I am not offended by being hit on but, someone presuming some role because I happen to be black and they think I might be impressed is fucking stupid.

Another example is lately, I have had so many white people try to demonstrate their downness with black people by randomly telling me how much they love Obama.

Um. I don't really care. Just because you like Obama does not earn you instant cool points, does not give me some instant sense of camaraderie with you, does not really make me want to talk to you when you hit me with it out of the blue.

Also, just because you are interested in or like something you deem "black" does not mean that I want to talk to you. Nor does it mean that we have something in common. We might but that's not the point.

The problem is that people like to put things in neat little groupings, this is what being black is, this is what being white is, this is what being fat is. That is not how life works at all.

Also, if you approach someone in the attitude of a prevailing stereotype do not expect to be met with a happy oh HAY yer cool.

As in many things your approach is key.

Example:

You love Hip Hop. You know the history, you love the music, you are excited about it. You want to talk to me about it to see if I like it too. Here is the optimal way to go about that.

You: Hey Shannon have you heard this new mixtape? It is SO good.
Me: No I can't say I have.
You: Wanna listen?

That is lovely. If you are genuinely passionate about something, or if you're not yet and want to know more ask me politely. Ask me in a manner that broadcasts not "you're black so you know" but "HEY I dig this thing do you dig it too?" do that and we'll be all good.

And while I'm giving tips here are some things I'd rather you not do so you don't get punched.

Do not say things like the following:

"But you're black.."
"How come black people..."

etc.

You get where I'm going here. I will think you do because I think if you're reading me you're probably pretty sharp.

Also do not touch black people's hair without permission. Do not EVER tell me it feels like wool, just don't. If you like my hair tell me it's pretty. Ask me what I use in it. K?

My point here is that whatever assumption you might make based on the wrappings is probably wrong and it's not up to me to show you that.

It is also not up to me to give you the grand tour of blackness, nor is it my job to make you feel okay talking to me. Think before you speak, ask yourself whatever question. If you can't figure out a way to say or ask something just be honest. If you tell me "okay I know this is probably a really stupid/rude/racist question but I'd really like to know." I will probably not eviscerate you.

Understand that there is no one set of things that will define a persons experience of life. There is no one set of qualifiers for being a Fat, black, queer woman because there are not. Understand that at the root of it, if whatever you're thinking deep down (you have to be honest with yourself) is because someone is black/gay/fat/white/whatever that is a prejudice and it is your own job to work that out. I will not do it for you.

Seriously now I am done discussing this for now.

Also YAY Sara From F-Words is back to posting and I am so happy she's doing better.

Okay I'm done. My head is throbbing in a kind of disco way and it's not pleasant.

Homo out.

Stumble It!

Let's play Bingo.

Okay as promised yesterday here is my thing. First of all to play along here and get what I'm talking about open this image in another window or tab. And follow along.

Edit- AHAHAHAHA mother fucker I forgot to upload the graphic. This is what I get for sleeping for 90 minutes last night/this morning. I r smrt.

Now you'll see I renamed the graphic to jackhole (fuck sake that was a lot of effort.) don't say these things. And I've bingo daubed everything that I have had said to my face. So here's how we're going to play. Look at the bingo square, note what it says and what I'm going to say about why I do not want to hear any variant of these things out of anyones mouth anytime soon.

If you find yourself daubing along and you come up with more than (I'm exhausted and feel poopy so I'll be generous) say five squares that you have said to people. Feel free to jump up. yell BINGO! Then slap yourself. 5-10 squares a slap and a wedgie. More than ten and just go ahead and punch yourself in the neck.

First up the ever popular-

"Welfare is just a handout/welfare queen/etc"

Okay. First of all before you decide to spout off with all your learnings about welfare (and this applies to more than black folks) take a minute. Have you ever been extremely, really poor and had children at the time? Also while you're at it, think about being that poor, trying to feed your kid(s), and bonus prize having to bear the brunt of the frustration from the people who are supposed to be helping you and seemingly everyone else.

Then imagine that exponentially, all your family members have gone through/are going through this. Imagine standing in line at the grocery store (I have witnessed this with my own two eyes, in "polite" society) you're trying to pay for your milk, ramens and baby food with your foodstamps and someone behind you, says audibly "lazy welfare nigger".

Maybe you have a baby and an upright age child. While you're trying not to cry, and get your food paid for what do you tell your child who asks, "Mommy was he talking to you?"

Now, look me in my face (and I will promise you have no idea if I've ever been through any of the above) and tell me welfare is just a hand out for lazy people.

Fuck you in your fucking ear.

Next square.

"Believes that white males are oppressed"

Story time. Here in Polite and "liberal" Seattle, on the bus maybe two or three months ago. A white man hears a youngish black girl talking on her cell phone excitedly about being accepted to Morehouse. Girl gets off of the bus, man snorts turns to his buddy in the seat next to him and says,

"Oh and I'll bet she gets a scholarship too." His tone was very snide, and very bitter and plain rude. his friend snorted back.

They then proceeded to have a very loud conversation about how they had it so hard, how (they didn't specify race but they did look pointedly at the black folks on the bus) some "guy" took his job, the other one about how many of "them" were working at some place now.

They go on to talk about at great length how hard it is for white guys to get a fair shake, if it's not women going for their balls it's "them" taking "their" jobs, taking their women, and apparently running the whole world.

Someone close to them pointed out that the vast majority of people in power are rich white men who don't give a fuck about either one of them. They huffed and puffed, cited (DOUBLE SQUARE BONUS) the evils of Affirmative Action and how that has effectively ruined the whole company, the whole work force and the lives of white men everywhere.

Um...wow.

So (lucky me) 40 minutes or so later, when it was pretty much just them and me on the bus. They started talking about how "they" with frequent pointed long looks at me when they said "they" have pretty much fucked up the right order of the world. Then they ring the bell for my stop. At that moment despite being exhausted from my day, I had to think bout whether or not I wanted to have to walk an extra quarter of a mile because those men, were putting off menacing vibes or if I wanted to not do that.

I might have bigger balls than I do brains but I got off at my stop and when they loudly made some other jack ass statement and turned to look at me (they were ahead of me on the sidewalk by then) I stood there, not blinking, not moving. I shook my head, said "goodnight gentlemen" and walked the rest of the way home.

Draw your own conclusion there.

Next square+bonus squares:

"I'M NOT A RACIST/I HAS BLACK FRIENDS/MY ONE BLACK FRIEND TOLD ME/YOU'RE DIFFERENT THAN OTHER BLACK PEOPLE"

Okay, super um, what's one more than a trifecta? I am seriously operating on 90 minutes of sleep and I am feeling seriously fucking crazy today so yeah.


Actually my darlings you will have to wait for another installment because I am exhausted and trying to write and code at the same time has sapped whatever ability to brain I that I have.

I have new links (YAY to put up). Mostly promoting someone I really dig and who I think you should dig too. As well as get rid of some permalinks and add some new ones because the things I like have changed.

If you want to read some of my fiction you can here at Wretched and Violent. An oldie but one I enjoyed writing.

And if you like reading about gay men having some violent kind of knife weilding butt sex another oldie but goody here. I had forgotten all about that until Uniballer showed me just now that it's still up.

I need to write more porn.

And I'm spent.

Also let's hope I get more than 90 minutes of sleep otherwise I will be an insane cranky fucker tomorrow.

Homo Out.

Clap hands. <--MUSIC REFERENCE FTW!

Tags: race, racism

Stumble It!

More reasons why I shouldn't talk to strangers.

Picture this-

I am on the bus on my way to work, reading my book and sipping coffee. This kid turns from the seat in front of me and sticks his head over the divider way too close and says,

"What you reppin girl what you reppin?"

I arch an eyebrow. Lower my book enough so he can see my STFU glare and respond deadpan:

"Vox Celeste, homie."

He gives me a puzzled look, nods and leans back away from me. I resume reading my book.

These are things I say to people.

I was cruising google not too long ago and did you know that there are black people in some of Heironymous Bosch's paintings? Also in a lot of other paintings of the same era. Now generally Africans were portrayed as Magi which is fine with me but that's pretty damn cool and I did not know that.

I also spent some time reading about some black entertainers in the burlesque world. Very eye opening. Read that here.

Matter of fact read her whole site it's very enlightening and educational.

I actually took a minute to write her an email.

What else?

Also why the FUCK did I miss the Sex Worker's Art show? Um wot? Granted it was in Oly but I would've spent four hours on public transport to get there. Seriously. I'm upset I missed that. Go look at the website and if it comes to your town check it out.

I really hope they do it again next year and I will go.

OMFG and I missed Sister Spit? what the FUCK is going on here?

I really need to start reading the 'alternative' papers and whatnot again. How am I missing these things? I also missed Lydia Motherfucking Lunch being in town.

I MISSED LYDIA MOTHERFUCKING LUNCH.

Srsly. When I heard she'd been in town I sat and had a weepy moment.

I also really need to read "It's So You: 35 Women Write About Personal Expression Through Fashion and Style" edited by Michelle Tea. One of the blurbs says:

It's So You emerges from third-wave feminism, which celebrates not only the frivolity and playfulness of women’s fashion, but also the daring aesthetics of sex workers, out queers, and fashionistas. Contributors include Six Feet Under Producer Jill Soloway, transgender icon Kate Bornstein, Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon, poet Diane di Prima, NPR regular Sandra Tsing Loh, novelist Beth Lisick, Calvin Klein model Jenny Shimizu, actress Laura Fraser, and writer/herstorian Trina Robbins.

I can get behind that. Srsly.

So now my darling five readers, tell me more about what I can read about this Third Wave Feminism. I've shied away from reading feminist books/anything for the last few years because, frankly none of it spoke to me.

I do not want sitting around arguing about eyeliner kind of feminism. I want the kind of feminism that gives the finger, says cunt a lot and is not afraid to masturbate a lot. I want feminism that will do a crotch grab while yelling fuck you.

You get me there?

The first person to mention RiotGrrl gets their foot peed on. Being a Seattle lady I have heard that term way more times than is ever needed. Really no more.

Judicious use of the phrase may be acceptible.

I also want the kind of feminism that isn't so amazingly centered on white middle class people who only academically know what suffering is. I'm talking about people who don't really know what it's like to be down and out. The kind who'll look down their nose at you when you are buying your 10 for a dollar ramens, then proceed to tell you how bad you are for not using htat dollar to buy half an organic apple. Fuck that.

Also, no anti sex. I don't want to hear about how sex is bad and sex work is bad and what I do with my cunt is bad. Do. Not. Want.

Now another thing I want to know is if my criteria here just automatically shuts down a lot of options? I have no idea. I have my own ideas about feminism. That is a question I've been pondering.

I don't expect anyone to answer my questions honestly. But I do like to think it over and let it all percolate.

Also I am real enough with myself to know that I am kind of a weirdo and that's just fine.

Speaking of weirdness I've been nesting like a motherfucker again.

*Sigh*

I am pining to make my apartment Uniballer and my super goth lair.

Poor Uniballer.

So far I made him hang my giant skull named Mathilda up on a wall. I have plans to make him make me a coffin shaped thing to store my BPAL in that I can hang up.

I also need NEED a shitload of neat candle type things. I've been haunting the dollar store and have some really nice ones.

OI.

I've also got a serious yen for accessories. I haven't seen too much that made my heart go pitter pat but I've seen a few things I think I would like to wear. Mostly I want to wear rings again. I lost quite a few in a household move and would like to have them back. Or at least reasonable replacements. Although I had one that I loved and is irreplaceable. It was a pretty wide tarnished gold band with runes on it. Very nice.

Ok I think that's enough for now I need dinner and water and vitamins.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Holy Married Mother of Khan

First of all I have to say I think the world ended on Saturday as I noted in my LJ.

Mainly for one reason...wait for it.

I bought a pink sundress.

You read that right. Your very own Bat Cave Dwelling Goth Gothity Goth Goth, So Goth She's Black bought a pink dress.

I blame Target and my darling Cookie for this transgression. Target because it was jammed in a clearance rack and marked down to 4.95 and Cookie because she has been big upping the cause of pink to me for years and it's wearing me down.

First she has me shaking my ass to Justin Fucking Timberlake now this.

What next?

I also walked away with another clearance dress, a cute black wrap style one that I discovered when I got home is actually a bathing suit cover but I can work with it. I also got one of their Long and Lean line tank tops that is absolutely soft and comfy and layers well with my big fucking pink dress.

I also (no I really did this) nearly hip checked someone to get a pair of black knee high knit socks. I should be ashamed but I'm not they are warm and cute. I also got some Halloween socks that are black with glittery silver bones on them.

I also managed to go to Sally Beauty Supply and spend less than 40$ on random shit I didn't actually need. That has to be some sort of record for me because I really only got things that I needed. I will probably talk about that morw later on.

I learned several things from my Target shopping. My ass+XL size panties=wedgie of doom. I bought a cute pair of microfiber booty shorts that I took off as soon as I got to work.

However my boobs+XL tops=snug nirvana.

Mmmmkay.

Also I apparently entirely missed Celebrate Bisexuality Day. What the blue FUCK? Um damn man.

And what else?

Ah yes I was reading Ms. Oro's entry about African-American names and I have some stuff to say. not directed at her really just things to add in general.

First of all, my wonderful brown brothers and sisters of African descent. Please stop giving your children names of cars, shiny things, misspelled things, or words you think sound pretty or fancy but mean something terrible. Please right now.

I myself am a bit of a name collector. I love names. I love the meanings behind names. I think about these things a lot not because I am of the baby making variety of human but, because I am an author and I would say that 95% of the names I use in my fiction I use because I like their meanings.

Also call me a culture pirate but I like a lot of names that some people would say I don't have a right to.

In fact my name is an Irish boys name. These days Shannon (so says behind the name) is unisex but when I was a little kid the only other Shannon's I ever met were a.) Irish as in with accent still intact and b.) boys. I have been known (I can be very cheeky about race and I mostly do it to make other people uncomfortable) to tell people my name is Shannon because I'm Black Irish. Really Black Irish.

Most Americans I've said that to find it vaguely horrifying and give me that sort of wide eyed, OMDG what do I say look, the Irish people I've said it to thought it was hilarious. In fact in the SUPER Irish pub locally here called Kell's, me saying that within earshot of the bar got me a free Guinness that I proceeded to be unable to drink.

Then they laughed at me.

I will say that I've met a fairly large number of people from Ireland and I think because all of them have been nice people who I enjoyed, that has fueled my desire to visit there.

Um where was I?

Race, cheeky right-o.

Ms Oro said in her entry that people have/will ask her things as if "I'm the Black Chick Who's White Enough To Explain and I'm all, Dude, fuck if I know. "

I used to be that girl. I say used to be because, it only takes someone one time to ask me a question about Black Culture they will find out yes I find the idea that Black Culture is wrapped up in just Hip Hop as fucking offensive. I won't start foaming at the mouth here but, I will say that I have grown up to be Not the Girl To Be Asking Stupid Fucking Qustions.

Here's a little wound up of things I never, EVER want to hear about my skin color or my life.

1. Why are you trying to be white? That has usually been said in reference to how I speak, what I read, how I dress, the music I listen to. My response as a youngster was generally a blast of nuclear type anger. Now I still get pissed but I can articulate how I feel about that. If you (and that you is directed at everyone, Black White whatever) think that my Blackness is only wrapped up in speech or music you have a sad and narrow view of what being a Black Woman is. And before you try speaking to me try stepping out of your little fucking box before, I punch you in the neck.
2. If I ever hear anyone say the following after making a racist remark, "well I don't mean you, you're different." Actually no I am not. Just because I don't fit into -your- idea of what Black is does not diminish my blackness in any way shape or form.
3. My skin color does not dictate my tastes.
   
4. Before asking me any questions related to the color of my skin ask yourself very carefully if it is a jackass question.

The truth is I don't mind people asking me Black Questionstm it all depends on how you ask me.

For instance, I'm talking to a friend of mine who is yes, white and she asks me why it is I get so upset when someplace like Bartell's doesn't carry make up in my colors. The answer is very simple, if they are going to use the lovely in store displays with people like Halle Barry. Queen Latifah and other gorgeous brown skinned company, in theory those people should be able to shop there for some fucking foundation. So yes, I will get pissed off.

Things like that feel free to ask me.

Wanna know about my hair? Ask but do NOT EVER fucking touch it without me knowing you really super well or asking first.

Seriously that shit has actually happened to me in public and I almost stabbed that bitch. She "just wanted to see if it was real". Yeah. Behave like that and I will fuck up your shit.

Essentially what I'm saying here is the same thing I say about life in general, don't be an asshole. And if you behave in a stupid manner I will in fact be mean to you.

There are exceptions to the rule. I have met many people for whom I was in fact the first Black person they had ever seen in person. The first they'd met and spoken to so, in that case I will gladly put up with some really stupid questions and/or random petting and rubbing.

Case in point:

When I was in Japan years ago some girls followed me into the bath house and pretty much stared the whole time I was getting naked and washing up, then they sort of floated by me in the big tub until one of them worked up the nerve to reach over, touch my arm and ask in broken English if it was a tan. I said no and via some sign language, pop star names and vigorious rubbing of my epidermis, they learned that Black people are in fact brown even on the ass, and that it doesn't come off and no I was not Janet Jackson.

Also at random downtown Seattle I met a woman from New Zealand who'd never seen nor spoken to a Black person and we spent a whole afternoon together drinking tea, bookshopping and I snuck a wee smooch. I couldn't help it I am a sucker for accents and she was open for it.

So sometimes I can be nice really.

But a lot of the time I'm not. Really. No matter what race you are or what skin color you have, my rule stands. If you are stupid, behave in a stupid manner or just piss me off I will be fucking mean to you.

Srsly.

And Ms. Oro, you said you have a unique name. Please to be telling me and schooling me on how to pronounce it?

Pretty please?

Also anyone else who'd like to tell me how to say their name properly feel free to comment.

Um.

Yeah.

I think I'm done.

I had one of those antioxidant smoothies from Tully's and I think I might wet myself because it was super tasty and went through me like it was beer.

Homo Out.

PS...actually I will probably post more randomness later.

And again I have to blame Ms. Oro because I was looking at boots from the UK. DAMN YOU. Srsly.

If I ever do get to the UK I'm going to have to ship about 80 pounds of boots home.

AH BLADDER SPLODY go now.

PS what the bloody hell happened to my code?

Good lord Blogger is wanky sometimes.

Stumble It!

Things I question.

I spend a lot of time cruising the interweb. For a few weeks I was very into looking for and reading street style blogs.

I found most of them to have two things in common. Mostly white people, and mostly very thing white people. Why?

I'm not angry about that just sort of annoyed really. Is it only thin white people who are deemed worthy of high street style? Annoying.

Whatever.

I am currently cruising Ebay looking for some new lipstick. I'm leaning towards a Manic Panic color. I'm very torn between Black Rose and Kiss of Death. I'm leaning towards Kiss of Death mainly because I am 90% certain I have a similar color to Black Rose made by Sinful Colors. I might just keep the shade of Kiss of Death in my head and go drugstore hunting for a duplicate. I'm almost positive I could find one cheaper.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that because I am teh broke I am working a shitload of overtime and do not get to meet a pretty girl for lady dancing. That makes me sad.

However should things go right I may have enough money next month to buy a pair of dreadfalls which I would be excited about.

And the new Otep album Ascension is really fantastic.

I think that's about all I'm out of steam for the day. Maybe more later.

Homo Out.

Tags: random, race, poop

Stumble It!

Of Blurbs and Bastards...

I know I said I was done I lied.

I got the book "I Have Chosen to Stay and Fight " as a birthday gift and started reading it last night.

First off I love Margaret Cho like you people just don't understand. She is smart, hilarious, and superbly talented and I think she's hot. I have since the first time I saw her hollering on HBO I think it was and I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.

Anyway.

I was pissed about this enough to actually write to her.

This book is really good. Very personal. And the blurbs ar fucking stupid. One of them says "murderously funny". Which in a way is true. Yes Ms. Cho is fabulously scathingly hilarious. BUt this book isn't about that. I don't want to give too much away but she talks a lot about activism and racism homophobia etc. This is NOT motherfucking comedy.

I actually came about ( ) close to yelling that on the bus on the way home last night. I was su upset I might actually just take the dust jacket off because it's fucking offensive.

I have to say that this feels to me like yet another pat on the head, isn't she adorable, oh how funny bullshit thing. I have this mental image of these "reviwers" sort of chortling away while reading about racism, nodding because they KNOW what she's saying is true but, "Oh well it's just some Asian chick ranting, isn't that funny". See what I'm getting at here?

I don't really know how else to express how I feel about this.

It's the kind of thing I understand.

Maybe (yes I'm willing to consider this) I'm overreacting because of sme of the condescension I've gotten from people. That pursed lip, wobbly head nod "Oh how nice that you do that" type. Their tone clearly indicates rather than "how nice" "Oh you're black and you write" usually followed up by the ienvitable question about whether I'm writing raps or "slam" poetry.

Shut the fuck up.

It makes me angry when people show their cultural biases without so much as a bat of an eyelash.

Along the same lines here are things I NEVER want to hear again:

"You didn't sound black on the phone."
"WHy do you talk so white?"
"I didn't know black people liked (insert thing here)"
"You are really well spoken." (With the unspoken caveat, "for a black")

Anything near to those themes and you can shut the FUCK up and fuck the FUCK off. I've been hearing it my whole fucking life and I'm 30 years old and fucking over it. Do NOT voice your bigoted opinions to me. Do NOT put your narrow views in my personal space. Do NOT fucking act like it's okay because, "well not you, I mean them." I AM them motherfucking and don't think I don't want to stab you in your motherfucking eye.

If honestly deep down inside you have any trouble believing that a black person can be who I am, I don't care to know you. Black, white whatever. Keep it to yourself. I don't care who you think I should be so as not to make your world view seem fucked up. I don't care.

That said, if you want to speak to me about my experience in life as a bi sexual black woman. If you want to know the road I've been walking ask. We can talk about that all day.

Okay, now I'm actually done. I'm going to make some genmaicha and calm the fuck down.

Homo Out.

PS, I saw the sun and had a conversation with a squirrel.

Stumble It!