Stuff and whantot.

First beforecontent while I am limping along with my Nanoword count (speaking of, Team Awesome -yes I unofficially call all of my Nano buddies Team Awesome- how are y'all doin?) Rachel I have no idea with Torrid feel free to email me at nudiemuse@nudemuse.org that address. :)

Just a few things then back to this monster I'm calling a novella.

First of all Trolls I'm talking to you.

If all you want to do is call me a fatass skip it. It's a waste of your bandwidth and my time clearing the shit out of my inbox.

Remember folks, calling someone "names" when they are pretty constantly saying the same fucking thing is boring and you're not even trying. Save your wrath for someone who's feelings you're actually going to hurt if that's your aim.

Second thing on my list (no really I made a little list so I wouldn't forget anything) I have some sexytimes advice to give and put a question out to some of my penis having/loving homies. So answers soon.

Thirdly, the weight I thought I gained was in fact a bit of bloating. I don't know how often I've mentioned it but I have some digestive issues and now that those have calmed down to a dull roar my pants fit better except of course for the ones that are too big.

Speaking of pants.

I went to Target on Sunday to see if I could find any that I liked. I did but, I am a smidge too fat for the juniors size 15 and the rise on the ones I liked was a little too low and I'm too small for the plus size pants (what few I found) and I had a little bit of a fit. And admittedly I fully had that "well if I was a little thinner" moment. It was a rough one folks.

The fact is that I keep seeing TONS of things that fit with my aesthetic go on sale hither and yon that would fit if I was about a size smaller. I had to really take a moment to work it out in my head. My body is at it's natural set point give or take ten pounds. Now I did spend some time working out what it would take for me (not anyone else, just me) to lose and maintain enough weight to lose an overall dress/pants size.

Currently I would say that my level of fitness is medium. Pretty good for me personally. I can dart up the stairs (knees willing) without huffing and puffing, I can make my walk to my bus stop which is a little under quarter of a mile at a good pace. Physically I'm doing pretty well if I do say so myself.

Now, in order for me to lose enough weight to actually make an entire dress size I would have to sustain (not just for a little while but as long as I wanted to maintain that weight) myself on a starvation level diet coupled with a hell of a lot of exercise and neither of those would be very good for me.

Mainly because I do not beleive that it would behoove my current and future health to do damage to my body with levels of activity it can't handle. This has nothing to do with my current weight but with the same health problems I've had for most of my life fat or not. I don't believe that it would be healthy for me in the long run to spend my time in pain, having a hard time walking just so I can buy more pants.

And the food.

Yeah I don't want to spend my time (and I've done it before) being faint or having my blood sugar drop precipitously. I don't want to be ragy all the time because I'm fucking hungry. I just don't.

And I really had to take a few minutes on Sunday to remind myself of these things in a concrete fashion.

I thought long and hard about this and saving a few bucks on pants when I need them isn't worth the stress or detriment to my health both current and future. It really just isn't.

Am I still a little peeved about it? Fuck yes I am. Fuck yeah I'd like to go round to whatever random sale I find and know I'll most likely be able to buy some pants but, I'm not so annoyed that I want to hurt myself to make it happen.

I did however get myself a replacement for my favorite knit skirt (that Old Navy fold over waist one) for 4$.

But then boo again, I could not find a bra I liked that came in a 40DD. Lots of 38's but not 40.

So I will probably reorder the bra I love from Torrid at some point.

In other news it is SO funny to me how much that ass seam in the We love Colors tights bugged me. I am super persnickety and neurotic about random things like that. I think if it was an up and down the buttcrack type seam I wouldn't have such an issue, it's the u shape.

I was thinking about it and really whenever I can feel seams (whether or not said seams are weird ass seams or are actually large or not) I don't like it. I have SUCH a thing about that.

One last wee thing I was wondering if any of you folks know what I'm talking about here.

Sometimes at the little import market Uniballer and I go to there are these enormous slightly super ugly pears that they get in. The sign is in Korean so I can't read it and I CANNOT find what they are called. They are usually more brownish than green, the texture is very juicy and they aren't rock hard like the pears I usually get. And they are huge, like the palm of my hand huge. They aren't the crisper Japanese pears and they almost look like Bosc pears but on roids and greener.

Am I hallucinating these pears? Are they not pears at all?

Does anyone know what the fuck I'm yammering about?

Okay now I am off to eat a little food and do some writing.

I love you guys.

Homo Out.

PS I'm going to try some new tags to try and make sure this doesn't post on the Fatosphere feed twice.

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Friday of Random...er Sunday of random.

First things first, if you're feeling delicate I suggest skipping my next few sentences.

I have to say that the song in the video below reminded me that I would like to screw Billy Idol red white and blue. That man is a hot piece of ass.

There is no visual for this video but the audio, and yes. I say again Billy Idol is a Hot Piece of Ass.



Ahem. Moving along.

Actually wait a sec while I am lusting can I just say that OMG Skin+Jojon from Sevendust=Tasty mother fucking deliciousness of epic hot black folks proportions.

I've been having yet another week of bullshit sleep and I swear people, after having this issue for so many years, I really get to the point I might want to run headfirst into a wall just to knock myself out.

And don't worry about me overmuch dearest homies. I have been a terrible insomniac since childhood and I do sleep eventually. I quite honestly hate with a burning kind of hate, taking sedatives. I really do so I deal until I can't then I take the fucking sedatives and call it a night.

While I'm randoming this is for my fellow broke ass homies.

I've been doing this thing called SwagBucks and it's pretty amusing. Basically you can use their page to do searches, get some Swagbucks (like points) then use those in their store. They have some pretty neat stuff. E-gift cards, books, mp3's etc. They have contests and things and whatnot. Now, if like me you have some time on the intertubes I do suggest doing it here and there and getting yourself some swag. I am saving up my Swagbucks for a Sephora card and if you are so inclined please feel free to join with my wee affiliate link here and do some clicking, win some stuff. It's pretty low effort you don't have to do offers or bullshit. And my fellow poor homies, every little bit helps.

OH and I wanted to tell you guys that after Nanowrimo I am going to launch some NEW stuff.

I've been working (my coding skills are not super awesome but I'm determined to do it by myself..don't ask) on some special pages mostly link pages.

Part of why this is taking so long is that I am uber picky about whom and what I link to and I had to work out some personal reservations I had about affiliate type linking.

So here's what I've come up with and I'd really love your input.

I will have a page of Fatty resources. Links to blogs, feeds, clothing stores, and other important fatty stuff that I approve of.

I will have a *gasp* porn and sex toy page. All places/things I've picked. Some will be affiliate links some won't and I promise full disclosure on that. Also along with that educational sexuality resources for all flavors of sexuality.

My Amazon store already has it's own thing. And again all that stuff is hand picked by yours truly. I'll be updating it soonish.

And of course a page for people I just like. Bloggers, authors, artists, maybe a twitter list. I really get a personal bit of happy when I have introduced someone I think is fabulous to other people I think are fabulous.

And I'm kind of thinking of doing something else with my essays. This is based on my own inability to buy books at will, I think I'd like to offer essays via a PDF/Word/Text whatever option for individual download for like a dollar. As much as I'd like to do a whole book I am a.) not ready for that I think and b.) I really want to make what I do accessible without costing myself a shitload of money (as in doing the big fancy Lulu package) and without costing anyone who wants to read them a shitload of money.

Now I know I could offer them for free and I was very tempted to do so but, I am ready to take the step of wanting to be paid for my work. And a 1-2 bucks seems fair to me. So much shit is so fucking expensive and SO many of us are poor that I don't want to be that person you know? Maybe that's not totally clear but it's part of the whole convoluted mess that is my feelings about art and commerce which I don't want to go into here.

I've been sitting on these ideas for awhile. I've built a template I like and can manage fairly easily. But I've been hesitant because I don't want to come off as being douchy about it.

Another thing I have a bit of a want to do is some interviews with folks I like who I think you'd like. Would y'all be into that?

Now, I am 80% sure that I want to aim for a 2010 launch of awesomeness. I am even redoing my home page so it will be more like the portal to an actual website rather than just my blog.

And honestly, some of this is my way of exploring something I've wanted to do for a really long time.

I want to have a (adult of course) boot fetish/tease website. Mainly because I do actually have a boot fetish as in boots give me the special tingle and I think tease is fucking awesome. I want to see if I can in fact manage a website. I'm researching that and still deciding. But I do really want to do it with the help of my partner Uniballer.

Okay that's it my homies. I'm really fucking exhausted and in some pain. Uniballer has promised some delicious noms, and I have a shawl to finish crocheting.

OH wait I think I will be opening an actual etsy store sometime after new years as well. I've been crocheting like mad and made some really nice things. I have to save up some start up monies but it's another thing I'd really like to do. However if I decide that I don't want to do that I might just offer my things up for sale in my LJ. Jury is still out on that.

Regardless of whether or not I sell my crocheted things, I really love doing it. It's like meditation which I need.

Now I'm really going to bed.

I love you guys.

Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, random,

Stumble It!

OH I am itchy.

I am having a bit of a week.

I am all kinds of out of sorts for varying reasons including, everything makes me itchy.

It's not the regularly oh my allergies suck kind of itchy but the my body is about to have a disco freakout over everything it comes into contact with kind of itchy.

So I am putting most of my skin care items away and going back to cocoa butter and African Black soap until this fuckery passes.

And now a picture of the other big issue I'm having right now.



That is my knee. That is the knee that swells and makes me walk funny and I am still right in that place of trying not to be angry about it but it's so fucking hard. So hard.

However.

There are awesome things.

MCCN sent me this fantastic necklace that I forgot to upload pictures of and it was so sweet. So sweet and the card was beautiful and I got teary.

Also someone (Forgive me I don't remember your name) sent me 5$. I had no idea until the other day and you are so sweet.

I am thankful that awesome people remain in the world.

I am dreadfully and woefully behind on reading blogs. My attention span is pretty much OH SHINY...wait where was I?

Case in point I seriously started this on Friday.

Okay so Sunday Uniballer and I tootled about town running errands and I wanted to head into Target to a.) look for new foundation and b.) check out the clearance racks.

Dear Target, you fucking fail.

So my first issue with Target right now is that the plus size clothes are mixed in with the maternity clothes. Not just in the same section but intermingled on the racks which makes for confusing shopping. And what I could discern as being their plus size clothing had no rhyme or reason.

What they did have was not great.

Also there was no sign of their Young Contemporary junior plus size line which upset me because from the size charts, a lot of those basic pieces should fit me well. Actually I take that back this was there but there was no indication that it was from that line. Unlike when you stroll through the juniors section and even the women's and maternity items that are clearly labeled on the racks for the most part.

My other issue is that their "ethnic" (code everywhere for Black) section of hair care products has twindled to three shelves by two feet or so. I couldn't even find it to begin with and an older Black woman told me where they were.

Also of the many brands of cosmetics carried by Target who make colors appropriate for women of color (including Latinas and my Asian homies) I counted four shades darker than tan. Which would also preclude any White folks who tan dark during the summer.

Unfortunately this is a huge trend in Seattle in general. Typically if I am looking for something Black oriented whether it's the deep conditioner I like to use, face powder or foundation etc, the selection is dwindling to nothing and it pisses me the fuck off.

Typically in the past if I needed some say regular old face powder of the sort that almost every big cosmetics company makes, I would have to go to three stores max. And usually it could be the same chain just different locations. Yesterday I looked in five stores and found a big fat fucking nothing.

This is like a lot of my local clothing options. I can only afford so much so when something I can afford and have access to goes away, I'm shit out of luck.

This is also why I tend to not participate in a lot of the discussion about where fat folks are shopping because a lot of the retailers that get talked about I just cannot afford to shop in.

Yes, in theory it's a good idea to save up for one fantastic high quality item of clothing. But being that I work every day what else am I going to wear?

Unlike make up with clothes I can fudge things.

I do have the privilege of being able to buy the 6 dollar (like I'm wearing right now) tshirts from the Juniors section of Target without a lot of fit issues. Sure sometimes I have to stretch out the arms and on my fat body the shirts don't get that long look that gathers round the hip area but they are workable.

Now with make up I can't wear a foundation that is not the right color. Yes I could add shit to it to make it the right color but that is both time consuming and expensive.

Even if you don't care about make up, can you see what I'm talking about here?

While I would love to buy high end quality items whether it's shoes, clothing or make up the reality is that I do not have the resources to do it.

I can't drop 50$ on one piece of clothing.

I can't go to Sephora (much as I would LOVE to) everytime I need foundation or face powder.

I am going to sit myself down and write some letters to Target. I did not flip the people working in the store any shit because they don't have any power with this sort of thing and b.) they don't get paid enough to listen to me rant.

So if you run into these kinds of things be kind to the people working. The cashier in the red polo shirt and khaki pants really had nothing to do with it.

Moving along.

I'm still almost out of foundation but I found a seller on Ebay who does some lovely handmade mineral foundations I will be trying out.

I've also not been around because frankly I'm having one of those phases in life where a lot of the things I want to do and express are just beyond me. I'm getting through it and coming out the other side I think.

I've been doing a lot of writing, a lot of writing and that has been really good.

There hasn't been a tectonic shift but more of a few little tremors and I have my feet again.

Tomorrow sex advice finally for our fantastic former virgin, for a Cupcakey darling, and YES for a boy. Cupcake and boys questions are actually related which is quite serendipitous I think.

Now if y'all will excuse me I am in desperate need of coffee to counteract the not awesome that is the mega assload of antihistamines I'm on right now because I've only been at work for two hours and I feel kinda sleepy and woo in the head.

Oh and I will probably add a link to my associated content producer page because those short articles have thusfar funded some awesome (YEAH AFRICAN BLACK SOAP..I will talk about that at a later date) and clicks=pennies dudes.

And I love you guys. So hard. Really thank you for your concern and your notes and sweet comments. You make me feel wonderful and the universe is a better place with such awesome people in it.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

And one more time.

Sexytimes advice this week swearsies my friends.

Posting is indeed light, I'm doing some weird brain thing right now where my thoughts are a little too far into other writing and whatnot. I'm working on balancing things out.

In other news over the weekend while I wasn't really near my computer much I got some amusing troll messages.

One message alerted me to the fact that the audacity of having a paypal button I am in effect begging and stealing from people. Clearly this person knows from their learnings that I make vast amounts of money blogging and it's a terrible thing.

Uh huh.

For the record as far as "profit" goes I have probably made less than ten dollars with this blog during any of my sporadic internets big pimping money making attempts in seven years. What a silly thing to do. Why would a person spend a good twenty or thirty minutes reading, then go to the form just to say that?

Really?

How silly.

The other gem (why is there such a dearth of intelligent or reasonable trolls?) was sparked by an old entry that I can't find now where I explained the flaw in the reasoning that fat has nothing to do with genetics etc. I believe it was sparked by the assertion by some jackass that I was "blaming my fat" on genetics solely.

The ever so concerned troll apparently does not understand the correlation between many things about a persons physical body and genetic traits.

Oh no wait here's the entry click here to play along.

Now I have yet to find anyone who would disagree that things like eye color, hair color and texture, hell even the timbre of a voice can be somehow linked to genetic traits.

How is it at all reasonable to exclude body shape and size from that equation?

Why is it that almost everytime I see this issue in a fat hat/fear/etc argument any common sense someone might have had goes right out the fucking window?

Similarly, in FA circles I have never ever seen the cries of OMG everyone should be faaaaaaaaaaaaaat as many anti FA/fat/whatever folks seem to claim all the time.

Nor have I seen people (for the most part though I'm sure at some point it happens) hating on not fat people.

Disliking the cultural imperative that deems everyone must look fit (as in be thin) is not hating thin people.

For fuck sake man, how hard is it?

I suppose a big part of my frustration when it comes to talking about bodies and weight with a lot of people is the assumption that humanity is a physiological monolith and everyone must have the same values and opinions about health. Not to mention the ideas that what is awesome and fantastic for you must be fantastic and awesome for everyone.

The whole issue of health as a moral imperative is a whole other fucking thing.

I just don't understand that whole mindset.

I hope I never will understand it to tell you the truth.

I have decided I'm not devoting any more time or energy to trying to figure these things out. That in and of itself is a difficult thing for me because it's my nature to want to figure out why but, I'm going to work on that.

In other news.

Somehow I won a subscription to some supposed health magazine but predictably being that it is geared toward women almost every article is about some new fabulous way of losing weight, looking younger or other things I'm not much interested in.

However what is interesting is that despite the handfull of "miracle" diets they pimp monthly there is rarely a word about any kind of cautions.

I also find it amusing that their idea of healthy and affordable equals (at least in my neck of the woods) about 15$ a meal. Which is a lot for my household, not even factoring in the fact that I would have to leave my neighborhood all together and go traveling on the bus to find a good many of hte things that are "must haves".

I tend to take a lot of those eat this instead of this things with a huge grain of salt.

If you've paid attention over the last twenty years or so, like clockwork entire food groups and types of food are demonized for awhile then someone comes out and says something like, oh wait it's not that bad.

Milk, eggs, various kinds of meat, corn, etc.

The one thing this month that caught my attention was the promise that if you did any of several things you'd lose weight without even trying so said the hype.

The first was walking. I have been walking anywhere between 2-6 miles a day for the last four years and have not lost any great amount of weight.

I haven't been a regular soda or other sugary evil drink drinker in probably ten years and yeah not lost a great amount of weight.

I find these kinds of things terribly misleading. And potentially harmful to people who have special dietary needs, sensitive stomachs, bad knees or backs. I really don't like it and am going to spend some time with the magazines I've gotten and write those folks a good long letter.

I think that's about it my darlings. How about you show me some links and pictures. Show me what's new and fabulous in your lives.

Pets, boobs, boy ass, shoes, purses whatever.

MCCN did hotmail eat my email again? I think it hates me I might try sending from my back up email address.

And sexytimes advice soon.

OH wait, wait. I've been doing some serious writing work and I've dipped my toe into trying some magical realism. If you'd like to read an unedited raw story I did last week feel free to download it here.

Now you all will excuse me I'm having some back spasms and am going to stretch a little and try not to throw myself down the stairs.

Homo Out.

Ah crap note to self reinstall grease monkey mmkay.

PS..I'm trying to get a functional mobile version of my feed going as well as some other neat stuff. Stay tuned.

Stumble It!

NO U!

I know posting has been light. Mainly because I've been in other writing overdrive.

I've also been very in my head in a thinky sort of manner.

I realized something recently as I had to slow my pace walking up a bit of an incline due to pain in my knee areas that I have unconsciously been pushing my limits in ways that are not good for me.

I have a problem with this.

I have had this similar kind of problem since I was a teenager.

It's a huge challenge for me to separate what is healthy and normal and what could be pathological and potentially dangerous when it comes to exercise.

I forget how to listen carefully to my body and pay attention when it says bitch stop.

There is a disconnect going on and it takes a lot of work and energy on my part to mend it before I fuck myself up.

I have to continually remind myself in stern terms not to be such a fucking dick to myself. Not to blame myself when my knees are hurting or my back hurts. I have to remind myself that while I may be mighty I am not unbreakable and breaking myself is just a shitty thing to do.

Also (I will probably talk more about this in particular at some later date) spiritually it is not at all awesome for me to be treating myself like a punching bag metaphorically speaking. Not at all.

It is of utmost importance to treat my body like the sacred thing it is. It is a temporary home but goddamn it I need to make sure my roof ain't leaking? You know?

To that end. I am going to take a few minutes when I get home and have a nice chat with myself. Possibly if I'm not in too much pain spend some time dancing.

In other news.

I have some awesome sexytimes advice for a special homie.

I am also working on what may potentially be a small anthology of my own brain spew to put out on Lulu.

Um.

Also, I am seriously trying to work up the courage to go get my first professional pedicure. I have a serious thing with people, especially strangers touching my feet. But I would like my toenails to look cute since I have some cute sandals and am not great at doing my own toes.

I seriously curled my toes in my shoes thinking about it. I am freaked out.

Ummmmm...anything else?

Okay yeah my head is not in the game my friends. I've got writing to do and whatnot.

So remember, I love you my homies. Be nice to yourselves even when you know you're being a douche.

Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, random, afrosphere

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In the fatness...and the um..

The above title references nothing save something I was just singing to myself.

First of all, as always I love you guys. And you too Lurker Lurkerson.

Now okay I've talked about April Flores AkA FattyD before but holy hot damn she's doing a clothing line. Fat hot ass fashion (NSFW linky there) as announced today. I am very excited to see what she comes up with.

What else?

Oh I was re-reading an entry about Weight Watchers over at F-Words today via I think um...Queer Fat Femme? and being that I don't watch TV I had no idea Janeane Garafolo was doing their voice overs.

I have to tell you folks I'm not mad at her.

I have been a big fan since I first heard her comedy but I get it.

I can't be mad that she needs to earn a paycheck because I do shit I don't really want to in order to earn one. So I can't hold a grudge.

If I were in her position, regardless of how much it might piss me off I can't say I wouldn't have lost the weight and done the bullshit to get roles.

On the self portrait front I hit a bit of a snag.

I took a crapload of snaps that just did not turn out as I wanted at all so I'm starting over. I might try some body part images since my full body shots are not what I want.

To tell you guys the truth I'm hitting that wall o frustration at the pace at which I am learning these things.

I get really impatient with myself when my skills are not where I want them to be. Especially when it's arty related.

I'm working on that but I want to be awesome right now not eleventybillion pictures from now.

What else?

I'm a little stuck on random today I've been editing fiction and my head is about to straight up blow up.

I think there is a possibility for make up etc videos. Uniballer told me that his mostly broken camera will do vids while hooked up to my computer. I am really not good at this sort of technology so figuring out the logistics and how to's will take me a bit.

Probably tomorrow I am going to do a product review on the Cheekan. I've been roadtesting some stuff that I am super excited about.

While I am excitable and nearly brain dead pimp your links.

Show me your links, random stuff you've found. Whatever awesomeness you have.

With that my homies and haters I'm out. My brain needs a rest and some time to eye fabric on the ebay.

Incidentally, operation mend clothing was a semi success unlike operation give self braids. I also found that I have a skirt that is quite floofy and that I don't recall buying but whateva. I plan on wearing it on a day the wind isn't blowing quite so hard because I don't have any booty shorts cute enough to risk showing em to the world.

Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, afrosphere, random

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Of Fluffy hair and a weekend project.

So it's Friday and I am SO glad mother fucking Fail week is over.

In light of that I am going to share with you my weekend plans.

I am going to attempt to give myself braids.

Yarn braids.

Now I am opting for that because I am not the best braider in the world and I have a fuck ton of black yarn.

It will probably take me all weekend no lie.

If you're not on the lj the other day I was talking about my latest round of studies. I'm teaching myself how to write screen plays properly. I am excited about doing it but it's really difficult because I don't really get the form.

I am also probably going to have to make some clothing repairs.

See internets (more confessions) I have a strange and insatiable love for vintage slips. And before you ask yes I wear them as outerwear as often as underwear. And I have a few of them that are ailing and sitting in a little silky shiny pile that need some hand mending.

I love slips. LOVE THEM and I don't know why internets. I especially love older ones. I have one faaaaaaaaaaaabulous full length red ply nightmare of one that has lacy bits between the boobies and I love it. I have been known to wear it as a sundress or as a slip under this transparent full length dress thingy I have.

So yeah, that is another of those occasionally questionable fashion choices.

And shit yes I will rock one of my half slips with some torn up fishnets and big stompy boots. Especially with a black mens ashirt. I'm good to go.

I also have a couple of skirts I think I want to try adding a little gore to in order for them to fit more comfortably.

That is a lot of hand work and braids take priority so I might not get to that.

I really need to do laundry too. In a bad way.

Okay I have to go back to the slips and tore up fishnets thing for a minute.

I just had such a vivid memory I have to share.

So picture your hostess more than a decade ago. Clad in an outfit as mentioned, torn fishnets, four inch solid platform boots, tank top and bondage belt, carrying a shiny black purse and sporting a bright purple short curly do kinda like Marilyn Monroe wore when her hair was shorter.

Now picture said me stomping along Broadway (yes the Broadway from the Sir Mix A Lot song), I was stomping because I had a mad insane crush of DOOOOOOOOOOOM on this older dyke who worked in a little shop in the area, and I was on a mission to ask her on a date.

I can't remember what she looked like or her name but I do remember that she had these creamy ivory colored round plump arms that slayed me. I wanted nothing more than to squeeze her repeatedly.

I was on a mission and had pumped myself up for two weeks. I mean pumped myself up like you don't even know.

I grow some and finally that day decide to ask her out only to find out she's like twenty five years older than I was and happily married to a pretty lady hippy for like fifteen years.

I went to one of my baby homo's place to cry and play dress up.

Ahhh memories.

So I'm about done. I'm going home soon I'm all out of random and I was promised a cheeseburger. A cheeseburger give me it.

So I will leave you with my self portrait of the week.



That is me, full face of make up but still in my jammies with uncombed hair. I think this shot says a lot about me in general.

I leave you my homies, you need to tell me what's new and fabulous. Gimme yer links, show me yer fotos, show me yer awesome videos and whatever else. I'm open..HIT ME.

Homo Out.

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Secrets revealed.

Pardon if this goes all over the place I'm on day three of a migraine. Thankfully it's finally in a downturn but still.

I started a thinky post about some stuff I find to be bullshit but I'm not in the mood.

So instead I'll answer a couple of random questions I've gotten lately via my webform thingy.

Someone wanted to know why I don't post in either the Inbetweenie or Fatshionista communities on LJ.

The latter mainly because I am well aware of the uh, discomfort of some of the community with smaller fat folks and I just don't want to deal with how I feel about that in any kind of confrontational (as in confrontation with myself) way. I quite honestly hate feeling like I'm making someone uncomfortable. Granted, I'd prefer not to feel that way but it is how I feel.

Also, to tell you the truth there are some things I've been hearing about my clothes for the last twenty years that I don't want to hear ever again namely:

"You should wear more color"

-Not my thing. Yes I can appreciate and enjoy color but my personal aesthetic is not that. Granted I'm no longer the uber fancy goth of awesome I used to be but still. I'm over hearing about it and explaining it.

"I wish that was tighter/more form fitting/more flattering"

-I know people generally mean well with these types of comments but if I am in the mood to wear something form fitting I will. If I'm not I don't.

Also I generally don't really like trying to figure out how to politely tell someone that I am not into wearing their aesthetic. And while I'm being honest sometimes the community just gets set on asshole cycle and in order not to get myself banned I don't participate.

So mostly I comment when I feel like it, if I have info someone asks about I'll volunteer.

Essentially it boils down to me not feeling comfortable enough there to participate actively. I've fought the feeling in the past but, yeah it's still there and it's better for me to just not.

And I will admit that being that I really can't afford a lot of the options offered when I have asked advice I just don't.

As far as Inbetweenies goes, I'm not all that comfortable there yet either for the most part. Mainly because I don't know the dynamics since it's only recently been more active.

And really, I have my own litterbox right here to thrill the masses with my occasionally questionable fashion choices.

Speaking of.

OMG.

I bought a pair of platform mother fucking flipflops on ebay.

I am in love. The thong part hurts my toes a little but I've been assured I will get used to that. I think my discomfort is mostly psychological because I'm weird about my feet.

I must confess I have never have a professional pedicure because I can't stand having people touch my feet.

I might let Uniballer tug on my toe, or I might put my feet on him when they are cold but OMG even thinking about someone touching my feet makes me cringe. No really it does. When I went to a podiatrist I barely let him touch my toes.

In case you haven't noticed I've been on a bit of a confessional spree lately.

I feel like I want to be more authentic to how I'm actually feeling. That's something I've been working on and I want to share it with you guys because, it's fucking hard.

Moving along.

We all know I develop massive crushes on random people and I have to tell you that my ever growing girl crush on Mollena has reached critical mass.

Not in small part because in this picture (yeah totally NSFW). There is something that makes my little black heart swell with awesome because from that particular angle, in a moment of gravity defiance her boob looks like mine.

I have this weird fascination and love of boobies that are similar to either of mine in size or shape. I've seen Miss Hotness there pretty nekkid in pictures and her nipples are bigger than mine but that particular picture made me squee.

Also, I will tell you that stumbling on her blog (was it one of you guys that pointed me that way? Twitter? Fuck I don't remember) was a breath of fresh chocolatey air of awesome.

It's hard to describe just how happy it makes me to meet (even if only on the intertubes)other kinky black folks. It is in fact mother fucking awesome.

What's more, it's been a pretty damn long time since I've had the experience of uh, fuck how to put it. It's been a long time since I've stumbled onto the words of another woman of color that had me nodding, getting a little tingly in the ladyparts and laughing and smiling and thinking, I really need to talk to this person.

So because I am in this kind of super hippy powers activate mood, let me say all loud and in public, Mollena you are fucking awesome. And thank you for breaking up the overhwelming thin whiteness of my sex related readings. Thank you. I appreciate it and I really hope some day I get to take a class from you.

So yeah I think I'm spent.

I'm a tired lil fucker.

I need a nap and some pie.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

A few things.

It rained some so I can breathe without drugs and I'm clear headed today so I have to say a few things.

First off, most importantly I have the best mother fucking readers on the internets.

You guys give me great advice and insight and I really appreciate it. I appreciate it so much I would like to come to each and every one of your houses, have a cuddle and share some pie.

However being that I am not that kind of super mega rich and I really hate to fly, it's the thought that counts right?

What else?

Oh late last night (I don't know why I've been doing the late night blogging thing lately it's weird) I did part two of my Fabulosity on a Budget series over at The Cheekan. And as always if you have questions or show offs of your hauls or whatever share them with me I love them.

What else?

Uniballer (my partner, I will get a cast list up at some point) and I are going thrifting this weekend. So operation clothe the fatty is on. I will bring my camera so I can show you guys whatever I find. One of you folks sent me in a very thoughtful question about the inbetweenie experience and I am working on it.

Now before that post goes up let me make a few things entirely clear.

My experience in my body in my life does not negate your experience or make your experience any less than. It might just be different. I am really honored that anybody thinks I am a good person to ask these questions so I want to work at making it a good experience.

That said, some of what I say may or may not rub your fur the wrong way and we can talk about it but, let's remember. My experience is not the inbetweenie experience.

Oh wait...WAIT.

You guys know how much I really love Sarah Katherine Lewis right? I enjoy her writing, I think she is a beautiful person. You can see her lovely face right down there on her banner on my blog. She mentioned me in an interview at Pop Matters guys. It's a really good interview (and yes I do suggest you read her books) anyway but holy SHIT that's my name.

That makes me so happy and honored and good feeling I want to cry. No I really do want to.

Wow.

I also got another note from the ever lovely M.Christian (one of my serious favorite authors ever) and he is just wonderful. (HI! this is where you picture me waving madly at my monitor).

I know I'm heading into damn dirty hippiness right now but, I am so thankful that there are so many wonderful beautiful soul having people in the world. I really am. There are so many things that suck in the world, it's a blessing to know that there is light and glittery gorgeousness residing in people.

It's a beautiful thing.

You all of you are beautiful things.

BEAUTIFUL.

YOU RIGHT THERE ARE BEAUTIFUL AND LOVED.

All caps, that's right I'm yelling.

I totally forgot what I was actually going to talk about. I'm too busy shooting love rays all over teh internets.

That sounded way dirtier than I intended.

So I'm going to make myself some French Press Kona.

Do some writing.

Bask in the love.

Homo Out.

PS...I think I will show you some of my wardrobe fails. I bought some stuff on Ebay with a vision in mind that did not turn out uh...well let's say.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, random, afrosphere

Stumble It!

You heard...

Okay I feel better today.

And despite my ongoing frustration I am making an effort to enjoy things.

So my legwear fun let me show you them.



Those are my Target Merona brand size XL magenta footless tights I got on sale quite awhile back.

They are so fucking violently magenta. I wasn't sure about them but now I love them. They are quite stretchy so someone pear shaped could probably rock them well. If you're apple shaped go a size up maybe.

I was wearing them in the picture with a big floofy black skirt on one of the first actual Spring like days.

My big win from target this year though is the following.



Yes those are argyle socks my homies. I wore them with old black capri pants, pulled all the way up. NERDS REPRESENT!

I love those socks so much y'all don't even know. I love, LOVE fancy socks. Also my homies with larger calves if you see the two pack with grey and argyle socks buy them. These actually are a smidge too big and if I walk briskly as I do often, they fall down a bit. But LOOK they are awesome.

Also, as I was saying to Sinner (whom I've been reading for years now and who I think is quite the delicious bit of man) I have started to enjoy the phrase I am becoming.

Despite my weird Springtime ass dragging, I am becoming.

What?

I don't know.

I feel stirrings in my back brain. Not my angry survive at all costs reptile brain but let's say a level up.

In yet other news, I still haven't found shoes I like.

Expect some pictures next week. make up, crafts, some of my arty stuff. I have a crapload of pictures to upload.

Also I'm almost done with my script WOOOOT. And might make it available to read publicly but I haven't decided yet.

So yeah I'm spent. It's Friday I had a BLT and my feet are cold.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Fluffy assed Friday..and win.

Has it been all week since I've posted?

The season changes are always a weird time for me. As in physically, the time change, my allergies deciding to see how it feels to dry fuck themselves into raging holes of evil, allergy meds not working, weird eating habits, etc.

Springtime always puts me in a weird brain place.

This not withstanding I will be back to my usual glittery ranty self in short order.

Until then can I pimp some stuff?

If you don't know this isn't my only venue for writing. This last year or so I have become very serious about my writing and honing my craft (gods that sounds so fucking pretentious) and I am really happy to share some of my recent publications with you all.

For some of my (this story is seriously the third flash piece that I did on purpose ever) flash fiction head on over to this excellent webzine Diddle Dog. That link is just to my story but check out some of their other stuff it's awesome.

And some of my poetry here at Opium 2.0.

The one I am incredibly proud of, and been most excited about of late is this piece 'Goodbye L.A' currently up at The Legendary. It's not quite erotica but it is pretty explicit. What I love about this one is it's visual proof to me that I can trust my voice and my instincts. And it's proof of just how far my writing has come since I started this crazy adventure as more than scribbling in a paper journal when I was eight.

Something has shifted in my brain and instead of fretting about how not like a lot of my favorite authors I am, I just write. And it works.

What else?

Oh can I tell you about how my eating has been wacked out all week and now I feel funny?

There are things that I like to eat that do not get along with my digestive system or other bodily system oriented things. Among these are dairy (which I've had a ton of. delicious cheese, awesome light super rich ice cream, milk in a coffee), and sugar.

Yesterday I had more sugar at one go than I normally have in two days or so and wow. Granted it was totally worth it, I had this piece of traditional Danish cake with cream, raspberry deliciousness and fucking marizipan on it but holywowomgwtfbbq!!!!!!1eleventy shit that was way more sugar than I should have at one time ever.

So lesson learned. I will refrain from taking in sugar on that level for like ever.

Um.

Oh right o.

I'm still crocheting away and have made some awesome things which I haven't had the chance to upload pics of as of yet. But, okay peoples. Informal poll time.

Do people need cheapish (not cheaply made, cheaply priced) Fall/winter wear? Crocheted hat and scarf/cowel combos? I have some sizing down because I am lucky enough to have heads to try them on.

Also, are organic cotton/bamboo/other organic material wash cloths, dishcloths etc something that is awesome or dumb?

Further.

I have grand ideas about getting my sewing skills up there and making some other stuff. For instance Loli-ish, gothy fripperies for us fatties. Boot covers, accessories, wearables that don't pinch or squeeze. I'm working on that part.

In other news.

I have seriously declared myself the Dowager Queen of all Fatassia and my boy prince is a stuffed bunny named Gary the Gay Glitter Bunny.

Remember to pass the word.

What else?

Um.

I think I'm about spent. I'm off to work on my screenplay and then possibly try not to pee on the floor in angst.

So my homies. Show me your links, show me links to your awesome photos, whatever you wanna show off. Now is the time to do it.

Noodz encouraged. Boys, I know there are some of you that means you too.

So have a fabu weekend my homies and haters.

Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, random

Stumble It!

Good day for a poor girl.

Uniballer and I had a good day today.

Spent the breezy warm afternoon running errands and getting lunch at Taco Del Mar.

As I have mused to myself before, when you've spent a large amount of time poor finding awesome deals on things that you might not really need but want and can have is a wonderful and beautiful thing.

We stopped in at Big Lots and I picked up a 12 dollar lipgloss for 2 bucks. I also got a nice sheer red glossy lipstick for two bucks.

What I am super proud of is the deals on necessities. At least necessities for me.

For 27$ I got about a 160 day supply of multi vitamins, the omega 3-6-9 formula I like, hair nail and skin vitamins. Similarly awesome we went to the dollar store for my favorite conditioner that I use for conditioner washes. I got 4 bottles of white rain tropical coconut conditioner. Great stuff.

Also snagged a pyrex massager octopus thingy, that came with bonus moist/warm/cool wraps for the neck for five dollars and I really need those.

Got a bra at big lots and some Ghost Rider boxers that I have on right this instant.

Nothing over ten bucks. Excellent.

While I was having a poo earlier I was looking at our toilet paper. A few weeks ago Uniballer picked up the tripe big rolls of that fancy quilted toilet paper and when I saw it, I was so excited I actually hugged the package. Why?

When you're poor and you're a champion pooper, having really nice soft not 1 ply bum wipe is a marvelous wondrous treat. Even better when you get it on super sale.

Also I did new a new make up look that is sparkly and gorgeous.

I wore a pretty outfit.

Very uber goth in summer. Full length straight black skirt with a lace overlay, black cami, black lace bell sleeved bed jacket. Black cotton mary janes.

Ahhh the goth in summer.

I have no color released henna in my hair which I'm going to wash out here in about an hour. Then a light shampoo and a deep condition.

Also awesome. My make up lover homies always remember to check your local Big Lots for good deals.

And check out this website for Mac pigment samples. Quick shipping and an extra little thing of yellow glitter that I think I'm going to add to some lip gloss. The Body Needs.
They also sell some tasty looking very cheap lip glosses.

I love pigment samples so much. Enough color for plenty of uses and a cheap way to experiment with high end make up. Awesome.

I think next week I will write up a being fabulous in the make up department on the cheap.

Also still trying to figure out how to do some youtube reviews.

Okay time to make a snack then prepare to wash and dry.

Tags: hair, random,

Stumble It!

Quickly.

I just relaxed my hair and it is the hot motherfucking sex.

Also my uterus is showing her might and I do not approve. Bitch calm down.

Twitter is too fun.

Also my fucking boobs hurt.

Now off to be fed goodies by Uniballer and potentially ruin my dinner with cookies and cheap ass fake Koolaid because I am craving it so bad.

I also have a bag of cotton candy that won't eat itself.

Or as the running joke in the house goes, "crack don't smoke itself"

Oro I hope you feel better and the cloud lifts.

And um..okay that's it I'm going to lay down and ingest cookies.

In bed.

Fotos later on.

Homo Out.

PS..why do I have a weird patch of rash on my left tit? What the fuck is going on here?

I blame estrogen. Today I would be happy to own a penis.

Tags: random,

Stumble It!

I like it.

Weightlessone asked me an excellent question that has my ruminating.

How would you feel if those images ended up in a gallery or were sold to a collector?

First question.

I have thought about it and quite frankly I would be pretty honored. Even if the person was buying the piece only because of the photographer, I'd still be pretty stoked.

Also I would think it was a little funny, someone paying who knows how much money to stare at my naked ass for Gods only know how long.

Which leads into another thought.

I am not anonymous or even pseudonymous on the intertubes. If you looked you can find out all sorts of info about me, seem my picture, behold my mighty cleavage, see me giving the finger.

So if I publish somewhere, naked photos chances are lots of things could/would happen.

1.) People I don't really want seeing me naked will.
I can deal with that.
2.) Coasting on number one, people could steal and do rude things to my photos.
I can deal with that as well. I kind of doubt that there is anyone on the intertubes that can come up with something so awful to say about me that I haven't heard before or won't ever hear again. Hence my generally humorous reaction to trolls. Not that I get any really but I don't have issues getting them.

I can't take anyone seriously who uses U/UR/ in a serious way. I also cannot take someone seriously who's entire argument is basically. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT THERE"S FAT PEOPLE NAKED ON THE INTERNETS AND MY LIFE IS RUINED". So yeah.

3.) People could love them.
That would be pretty cool. However it's not for those people it's mostly for me. I want to see my body and know it from an outside view.

Also okay that's a little misleading.

When I think about taking nudies of myself, or scantily clothed or whatever. I am thinking of a woman. And this is not sisterhood this is solidarity which I'll get to shortly.

So this woman I'm thinking about is maybe home alone, maybe the husband and kids are asleep, maybe the wife is asleep maybe she's single. She can't sleep maybe. She's surfing the intertubes and comes upon my nekkid ass.

Maybe after some clicking she realizes, hey this woman looks just like me. She clicks around some more, realizes that hey, that is pretty fucking cool. Realizes that if the other woman is beautiful and is doing something awesome, maybe she can too right?

You see where I'm going here. My readers are smart.

That means a lot to me.

That is why I really do actually love you my readers and commenter and lurkers. Even if you don't agree with me it's wonderful that something I say, resonates somewhere.

As a youngster that is what I was missing. I read a lot of things and it was very rare that I found anyone who really spoke to me and I got it. And I like to think that in my own small way I am giving someone else that moment of, oh WOW someone else thinks like I do.

Incidentally the nudies I alluded to yesterday have yet to be found. I moved a bunch of stuff on my hard drive at home and cannot find them.

Naturally.

In other news I had a delicious blueberry, acai, pom smoothie and now I have horrible gas. But it was supa tasty.

Also earlier I had my first and last frappacino. It was so sweet even though I got the supposedly lite version. Another affirmation of the fact that I love coffee flavored coffee with a side of, coffee.

The last line of this entry by SweetMachine all I'm gonna say is, FUCK YEAH.

Via (not exactly work safe)Lindsay I found Photoshop diseasters.

I scrolled through all of the entries and found myself goggling bug eyed much of the time.

In case you're not quite as much of a dork as I am and haven't spent oodles of time looking at retouched images before and after wow.

Look at this.


Even Heidi Klum isn't quite good enough.

Seriously? Is this what has to happen before any woman is "acceptable"?

Fuck that and the horse it rode in on.

Is it any mystery as to why so many women cannot understand that perfect does not exist ever?

Ever.

Ok I'm spent. My tummy hurts a little and I need some tea.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Stuff I like.

So there is Stuff White People like, Stuff Educated Black People like and stuff everybody and their grandma likes.

Now we have stuff Shannon likes.

I Love my hair. I write about it here. And have been growing it out with loads of help from LHCF.

I also love make up and learning new techniques and styles. Some links to some of my favorite folks on youtube doing video tutorials.

Enkore Makeup. I LOVE him so much. His videos are easy to follow, he's adorable and they are entertaining.

I just recently stumbled on MakeUp Geek. And I like her a lot. I like her site and some of the looks she's got going and she also has a youtube channel.

Next up Scandalous Beauty. She is a Mac Fanatic and most of her work is geared towards us brown sorts.

And of course Lauren Luke AKA Panacea81 from youtube. Not only is she talented but I just love her personality. Love her.

OH and before I forget if you are reading from something other than a reader check it out. I am Twittering now and I joined the Beauty Network. YAY.

You can also find me at Make Up Alley.

What else do I like?

I am a music fanatic. It's almost a religion. My tastes are insanely eclectic.

My musics let me show you them this playlist is a little smattering of some stuff I am into.




Unfortunately a lot of those are just previews but whateva.

And what else do I love?

Doods, no srsly doods I LOVE clothes.

I have been using Polyvore since I found it. I don't usually make outfits but rather groups of crap I like. Like this one:



That is stuff I am wanting for summer. It's unlikely I will get 99% of it but it's fun.

This outfit I might actually get. Very much the Goth in Summer.



What else does Shannon Love?

I love coffee. Specifically I love making myself fine French Press coffee. A French press was probably the best 10$ investment I made last year. I stand by my statement that French PRess is the last goddamn civilized thing left in America today.

Also much to my own detriment sometimes I love cheese. I love stinky weird fancy cheese. I love processed cheesefood. I. Love. Cheese.

I also love books and will read just about anything I can get my hands on although I am getting pickier as I get older. You can also see this badge in my sidebar.

So now you know I am a beauty loving, clothes horse, cheese eating, music enjoying, book reading critter.

I am also really distracted because Uniballer is cooking something that smells fantastic and I am starving.

Anyway. Feel free to ask me anything that comes to mind. I'm in a dialogging kind of mood today.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

I presents, my presentation.

First before I present my presentation (that totally has a point and it's not just me being crazy..er crazier than usual) welcome my Fatosphere Homies. Put your feet up, pop a beer, have a donut, eat some cheese and feel free to put them on the glass and send me a picture.

Also before I begin can I Just say that listening to late 70's soul and disco makes it so your day cannot go wrong. I am seriously trying very hard not to get up do the hustle, and add in some post millennium booty shake for reals yo. If there were fewer people at the office I totally would.

Okay so sorry my darlings but before I get to the serious we need a booty shake break.

The weather here is gloomy and damp enough to make my joints ache so as I have previously mentioned, this is a situation that calls for booty shake.

Proceed to get your groove on, feel free to demonstrate your spectacular lack of rhythm if you indeed lack it. Doesn't matter if you has booty or not, that thing that's in your seat, shake it. Or if you can't, shake whatever is hand. I present, Chic Le Freak.

And okay another digression but I have a firm belief that there are certain kinds of music it's impossible to be upset while listening to. And I'm not talking like personal emotional shit that's happened to you this is a vast generality I know but it's a theory.

Zydeco. Have you EVER seen an angry Cajun booty shaking to some Zydeco? No because it is impossible. I dare you to listen to some Buckwheat Zydeco and not just feel happy.

And please remember folks. I use the term booty shaking as a celebratory I'm motherfucking happy and am going to project that by shaking parts of my anatomy in love and joy. Don't get it twisted.

Okay now really back to what I wanted to talk about.

I want to talk about presentation and what it means and doesn't mean to me and why I am not conflicted about it at all.

I was musing the other day while looking at this tshirt from Tshirt Hell. And yes before anyone gets frothy I know a lot of people hate that place. I think some of that shit is funny. What I was thinking about is how I tend to turn my back on throwing around political terms when it comes to how I present myself to the world.

Why do I do that?

Tell you the truth I can't put my finger on it in a meaningful way other than my serious aversion to anything that sets off my DO NOT WANT radar. I don't know why my radar will go DINGDINGDING but it does. I can deal with that.

That said I realized a few years ago that the things I find delightfully funny, absurdly ironic and that make my inner 9 foot tall silver glitter afro wearing drag queen go OH HONEY YES! Can be (and is often viewed) by other people as some radical political statements.

Holy. Shit. Man.

Whoa. When this dawned on me (don't ask me how I didn't figure out it out previously) I actually stopped wearing a few things because I was like (no really you have to picture this) *OMFGWTF WUT WUT OMFG* doing that while running around in little circles trying to figure out how to be responsible about presenting what can be construed as whatever radical statement.

Where I failed then as I do sometimes now, is that I don't actually have a deeply radical political agenda when I decide to wear a tshirt that says I love My Pussy or says something about balls. Yes that is my big secret.

That said there are a few things that are absolutely purposeful fuck you's.

For instance.

If I am ever able to comfortably excite the corporate world in pursuit of my writing or whatever else I am getting the words "Fuck You" tattooed on the inside of my right middle finger. Why?

The most honest explanation is that I have a deep and abiding dislike of being in the mainstream workforce where I feel like I have to spend time conforming and settling in order to get along and make the filthy lucre.

Actually if you want to know the most basic truth about who I am as a person and my political stance. The message is brought to you by the letters F and U.

Frankly I have always been in some way or another an oppositional fucker. I also have a very strong and sometimes bullet proof sense of self and of where I stand in this big wide world. Hence, trying to sway me in a direction politically speaking is hard going.

Anyone who has a desire to see a party line toed I am not your homie honestly. I will question, challenge etc until I am satisfied. Sometimes (this is a personality flaw) I am not nice about it.

All that said, if you want to know why I am wearing something or doing something feel free to ask. I am glad to talk about it. What I am not glad to do is have anyone try to drill their reasons for doing something into my headpiece. If I say because I think it's funny/sparkly/pretty/OHBOOBIES that's probably exactly why.

Moving along.

MoPie posted this tidbit about Madonna and her self proclaimed fat thighs. Honestly my initial reaction was eye rolling however I have to wonder if Madonna suffers from that terrible affliction where people believe that a womans thighs are in fact fat if they are not small enough and shaped so that there is a concavity betwixt them.

This leads me into something that I've talked about previously on occasion. (see this recent entry for some of my musings on fetish art)

I was perusing Deviant Art recently and happened upon a photograph where the photographer made quite a point about the model being in the "curvier" section of his models.

The model is a fairly fit looking woman with a slight pear shape, flat stomach, muscular what I would call athletic looking thigh parts, medium boobies, clearly serious hip to waist ratio.

What bothers me is the use of "curvier" as a euphemism for bigger/fatter. A large majority of this photographers subjects are extremely very thin with the (thesedays)fairly ubiquitous boyish shape, no pubes look.

Why is it necessary to have the warning qualification that the model isn't stick thin? The model in this particular photo is not fat by any stretch of the imagination but because she isn't more like the standard model there is the qualifier.

I find that tiring and a serious turn off. Just like when in the mainstream media any non skinny performer of any sort has the qualifier tucked in there, portly, chubby, etc etc.

Can you imagine if people started doing that in regular conversation? Picture this

You and your homie run into me on the street and you want to make introductions.

You: Oh HAY Shannon this is my *deep breath* female, bisexual, monogamous, red haired, European American, average height, fat, Democrat, flat footed, furry arm pitted, Jewish friend with no benefits or other sexual component.....

Me: *blink...blink*wut?

I know it's ridiculous in that amount but if you were showing me a picture of your aforementioned homie would you feel the need to tell me all that? Or warn me of fatness or armpit hair? Or would it be easier and more enjoyable to just sayL

You: Shannon, look at this picture of my friend.

Me: Wow she is awesome.

See?

My point here is that at some point we human types are going to have to give up all these bullshit monikers we've assigned each other because as people get more diverse it gets way over complicated and frankly I think it's fucking dumb.

So please. Really.

I really think that making a point of ignoring the splashy useless adjectives that are pinned to people to keep them in a comfortable labeled wee box is mother fucking radical. Moving on.

My homies do any of you read VenusZine? Ever since the long ago demise of Sassy I have been pining for a kick ass magazine I can get into. However most magazines I lose interest fairly quickly because I am picky about good and interesting writing and not just the same old sucking it in broken down doll models.

Is it any good?

And along with my warblings about art I want to talk alittle about my still forming attempts at photography.

Lately I've been looking at a lot of interesting self portraits. I want to learn to really see myself.

So I am pretending to be an artiste.

And the following photo is not artistic but very me.



Homo Out.

Stumble It!

And then I said..

I have a seriously really bad makes me kind of want to die kind of migraine that is settling in my neck and head. So instead of serious I am going to show you some clothes.

Also Lindsay thanks and I would totally lay a smooch on you.:)

Old Navy is actually kind of catching my attention these days with things like this silver metallic pleated skirt. My brain immediately saw that with one of my black tanks, some cute flats and bam cute summer outfit.

This summer I'm really leaning towards that kind of look. I have a fucking TON of skirts of varying sorts. I really need more. I have been having issues finding just the right summer dresses that don't offend my delicate goth sensibilities or look like my boobs will just pop right out. There's a time and place for that and at the bus stop in downtown Seattle is not it.

I am developing an unhealthy obsession with not really high wedge heels since I walk so much. I have some sexy ass calves and I think that would be the hotness.

Also if anyone wants to buy me something buy me this skirt reconned by Ugly Shyla. I bought a straight black skirt from her with the same design and just love it. But that circle skirt is screaming my name.

For that skirt I would probably wear a wide patent belt and um...use an actual razor on my legs.

Okay I have to digress here for a minute.

If I see one more person whining about how "family values" are endangered because the homos can get married in some states I am going to have a fucking stroke.

Say what you fucking mean. You mean "Christian heterosexual nuclear family values" you fuck.

Family is not just one fucking thing.

Gods.

You people make Jesus weep with that. You know that right?

Wow migraine+apoplectic for a minute is not a good combo.

Moving along.

I found a new fat fashion blog and you should read it I like this lady. Fat Chic. She posted a link to an old youtube video with former model and author Nancy Hayssen.

You can see her NSFW famous response pic to that freaky anti anorexia ad that was up quite awhile ago here.

I really like that shot a lot.

It's now past one in the morning and I am really tired but migraine mania is clawing at my brains and I'm feeling kind of OHEMEFGEEWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE right now.

Fuck.

So here I am to ramble.

I was trying to organize my flickr account and sometimes I forget that goddamn I am fly.

So in celebration of my hotness I present mah hams.

Mah hams...let me show you dem.

First foto hams crossed.



I used to be so self conscious about my big ole meaty thighs. Even when I was quite painfully funny looking thin, I still had myself some big ole hams. Now, yanno I am kinda digging them. I'll have to get uniballer to take a shot of me standing in a short skirt but they are pleasing to my eye. I dig the shape of my hams. They have curves that I enjoy. I'm entirely thankful I don't have thigh bone+half inch of meat. Cool if it's what you've got but that's not for me.

And one of my beloved "spilled coffee" birthmark high up on my left thigh. That is a mole in the middle of it and yes I get it checked.



Forgive the weirdly lit webcam photos I totally don't feel like unplugging my digital camera from Uniballer's computer.

That birthmark is my favorite of all of them that I have. I spill things all the time so it's just kind of funny.

And I totally do not have pants on. It's not Half Naked Thursday but I am half naked.

Also yes, my hams are kinda dimply and I STILL dig them. Yes I do.

Ye gods the weather change has my skin from scalp to feet going buck wild and I am dry and itchy on the stems and greasy in the face.

I also have stretch marks. *GASP* oh noooooooooooooez.

And it's not because I'm fat. It's because I went through puberty fairly quickly and when skin loses elasticity for any reason BAM stretch marks. I used to really super hate those as well but now, fuck it. All the women in my family have them. Whether on the booty for the tall skinny ones like my Mom and Gma or round the arms and boobies for the short big titty having ones like me. It's not that big a goddamn deal.

Okay I am going to go get in the tub and exfoliate my ass until it's shiny and smooth. And I am going to remove a layer of fuzz from my stems because my legs are itching like hell and so dry I want to kind of dunk myself in a vat of Crisco.

So goodnight my darlings.

Tomorrow, new make up pics in the flickr, and if I can find all the components, a hot ass outfit.

Homo Out.

Tags: big girl love, body image, fat fashion, random,

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Dood seriously.

Hello Jo and Joy (an aside here I totally sat here sing songing Jo-Joy Jo-Joy to myself for like two minutes).

Now for some news yes? Yes.

So as you may or may not know I am a struggling/wannabe/whining writer type and I have had some fiction publication over the last few years and I am only recently making any serious foray into non fiction. My first paid gig as a um, well non technical amusement comes via the website MeanPC. My second editorial is hot off the press and find that bad boy here. This is a pretty kick ass website for us geek types. There are some great tech heavy reviews of stuff and then you have my silly editorials. My other one is located here. So that is hella exciting. And as an aside, HI Lonnie :)

My thus far shaky and slow writing career has spawned some hot porno, a hot mess of poetry and now some editorials. I have delusions of becoming a fabulous essayist and quite possible the perviest chick you know. Although that second one, I am probably 65% of the way there.

Yes, my friends I am a pervert. I like really very dirty and probably to some people gross things. Yes I do.

So that's what's new and fabulous with me right this instant.

In other news I really want to get my eyebrows done this week. I'm not sure how much it costs though since I usually do them myself but I am craving a little pampering. Or I might just do them myself and save some more $$ for some cosmetic type shiny things.

I really want to try some new mascara although the Maybelline Lash Stylist I've been using is pretty damn good. I was skeptical of the little comb thing at first but once I got the hang of it it's actually pretty good.

I really want something that'll give me the huge spidery lash I love so much.

I've been thinking about making Uniballer teach me how to use my digicam for video so I can make some youtube make up videos. Several friends have told me I should and I think it would be fun since um yeah HI I watch a shitload of them so I might as well make some.

I also need to make a list of what make up brushes I need. Probably should stock up on those before I go eyeshadow crazy again. I am also going to have to get a bigger train case at this rate.

Ye Gods my hobbies are freaking expensive. Even with my uber bargain shopping abilities some things I will just have to pay full price for and that chaps my ass.

Okay I'm done for today I have things to do. First I have to make a list of all the supplies I need to take care of my hair for the summer since I still can't braid my own goddamn hair.

Homo Out.

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Good times man good times.

I don't feel like being uber serious today so I am going to talk about beauty, knitting, possibly my boobs and um...whatever.

But first go read this post over at Racialicious about the assumptions people make when you date interracially. Being that I have dated all sorts of differently pigmented peoples, I do have lots to say about it just not today. Go read that, digest, then come back and see what crazy I pour forth.

Okay so let's talk about knitting. I tried to learn how to knit from a kit I got at Walmart probably five years ago now and it ended with me in tears, throwing the needles yarn and the book across the room and I believe Uniballer may have thrown it away to keep me from hollering about it more.

However I have this horrible lust to learn how to knit. So I might pick myself up a copy of Knitting for Dummies (hey the for Dummies taught me my html basics back in the day and when it comes to knitting I am in fact, a dummy)and trying to learn again. Mainly because I have these lovely genteel fantasies of knitting away while on the bus, making myself some socks while listening to Slayer on my headphones.

Sweet innit?

And okay onto fat.

I've been using my health insurance companies website to try and find a new doctor. I've been clicking around and it has a handy dandy "Ideal Weight Calculator". This works so fantastic. All it asks is your height and sex. Not your age, ability, etc. According to it I should at 5'3" weigh 126 pounds.

And since I have a vague idea of how much I weigh, it says my BMI is=death by obesity. This is me for reference. However, if you go by my waist to hip ratio they say:

Your shape puts you at reduced risk of coronary heart disease, diabetes and stroke. Frequently referred to as pear shape, you tend to keep fat off your midsection and more on your hips. Our bodies do not convert this lower body fat as readily as midsection fat, which keeps cholesterol down.

Orly?

So by their calculations I am going to die of the fat, but my pear shape saves me from heart disease, diabetes or stroke. But wait, wait. Isn't my fat going to make me die of diabetes, stroke, and heart diseased? Are you chasing your tail yet?

Now according to them the optimal way for me to lose all these killing pounds would be to run at 12 MPH, for 116 minutes to lose 1 pound.

Now if I were to do that, I would be in so much pain my weight would become a moot point. Now this "personalized" profile knows that I have joint problems, a bad back etc. And it tells me to run.

They also say I need to lose weight NOW, my nutrition sucks, and I am depressed and stressed out but my wellness score is....96% out of 100.

How fucking stupid.

It says I need to:

* You need to start a weight-loss program.
* You need to quit smoking.
* Get your blood pressure tested.
* Buckle up.
* Get your cholesterol checked.
* Add more fiber to your diet.

So I'm too fat, even though I'm pretty fucking healthy I'm fat and OH NO, I don't buckle up.

The "assessment" assumes you drive which I don't. I ride in cars maybe twice a year. If that often. The fiber issue was based on white breads and pasta which I don't eat a lot of.

Yes smoking is bad I know that. But come on now.

So I messed around with their meal planner and I cannot afford that shit. If I could afford to eat salmon every other day and buy bulk flax seeds and shit I fucking would.

I wouldn't be so annoyed if it wasn't all over the site that it's "personalized recommendations just for YOU" type shit. It's not. I know how it works but it's fucking misleading. And I know a crapton of people who would read stuff like that and flip their fucking wigs.

Moving on that shit was irritating. But I feel better after soup and vitamins and tea.

So my boobs. My boobs OH EM EFF GEE my fucking boobs.

I need new bras in a real bad kind of way.

Somehow the UK has found out I have big tits and I am on the mailing list for Bravissimo Bras. specially made for us big titty having types.

Have a looksy there and look at their varied models. Now no none of them are fat and a lot of the bras only go up to band size 40 if you're lucky but, it's a huge step up from air brushed weirdness that is most lingerie catalogs.

Now this has freaked me out for years and yes, it's a little weird but I seriously get creeped out by the airbrushed out nipples, pudenda and pubes in Frederick's of Hollywood Catalogs. I don't know if they are trying to get past some weird mail obscenity laws or what but it's fucking creepy. I have nipples, not big nipples but my nipples have a presence, and I would like to see just how sheer a bra might be when paired with, some dark nipples is that too much to ask?

Or come on now.

It is weird.

So anyway I think I am going to save up the loot and try to find someone in the UK to receive the package for me because I love their bras. And after a measurement I am in fact a 38 D rather than a 40 DD as I had thought.

I am excited about that. Also they say boobs a lot in their catalog and website copy and how could I not love anywhere that says boobs?

OH wait one more thing. I have an insane hard on for this model right here. All because she looks almost exactly like this girl we'll call Miss Too Hot that I tried my damndest to get into her pants back in the day. Despite the fact that she was at the time 35 and I was 19. Also despite the fact that her wife could bench press me then break me in half. Actually I was angling for a threeway because I thought she was hot too.

Tru fax man.

So if you want to buy me fancy lingerie feel free. I am very partial to black, microfiber, not a lot of lacy bits (I HATE my titties being itchy), plunge, full coverage and/or the occasional balconette bra. I like my D cups all up like WHOA.

Skip the panties though because I hate my junk being contained. Yes, that means I don't really like wearing panties because I invariably either have a wedgie of doom, my labia get irritated or I lose chunks of pubic hair and I am not down with that.

Cause seriously, 60 goddamn dollars for a bra. I know it's worth it but I better get a blow job to go along with that or I'm going on strike.

Now speaking of hair, I made an awesome (you have to sing that out loud, awwwwSOOOOOOME like that) hair treatment last weekend. My hair feels super silky and strong and I am happy about that. Read all about that here. I really do love creating little weird concoctions for my hair or skin.

It makes me feel smart and fancy.

Still here?

Me too. Strangely enough.

Well barely. I got all into doing something else.

So tomorrow big exciting announcement, my perfume reviews now that I've worn both new ones a couple of times. Also, possible outfit photos if the weather is warm enough for me to wear the cute outfit I am pining for.

And I will totally remember to tell the story behind my sign out.

Homo Out.

PS..tomorrow is Half naked Thursday and I expect to see some pictures people.

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Only amusing to me.

I was stat checking a little bit earlier and there are posts that have been found via amusing search strings on the google and they are I would bet my left ovary totally not what the person thought they were and that makes me laugh.

For instance if you google the term (not entirely work safe here just don't cruise images) "got hurt by a stripper" it will take you to my paen to the ass I was sporting while I was stripping.

Another WTF google one, "whos the girl in the holy shit i love oreos poster" on google.co.uk and I'm right there on the first page with a link to my first page of my journal here and not a specific entry.

My keywords are pretty funny as well. My current keyword analysis tells me that people are coming from all over ze world looking for "fat black ass".

Although I did get a hit from someone searching "monkey fucking bastards" that was win.

I am such a stats nerd. I am very amused with how people get here, then I am further amused by the disappointment they must feel when there is no actual porno. Or naked fat black ass.

And I think on some version of the Fatosphere feed I'm still on it but I'm not sure which incarnation. I'm not quite that energetic to track it down.

Okay that bit of nerdery out of the way I am going to talk about fashion.

I have this incredibly horrible LUST no seriously it's a burning I should probably take some valium type want to get myself a hot ass Lippy outfit, take a shitload of camwhore pictures and post them everywhere and enter every one of Lippy's photo contests.

I don't want to do this because I think I'd win because I don't actually. Mainly I think that there are probably some other people who are bored with the same tall, thin, pale aesthetic and would appreciate seeing a face that is different. I know when I first got on the intertubes seeing some hot ass super goths who stepped out of that aesthetic rocked my wee world.

In other fashion news I think I really need a mid length denim skirt. I also need some calf high ish boots, more cool socks, and some girly tees that fit right and don't cost my left tit. However highest on my priority list of clothing right now is a new bra.

I also want to play on the Fatshionista Flickr group but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to submit a photo. Insert "UR DOING IT WRONG" macro here.

And can I just say how frustrating that my wardrobe aspirations and wants are seriously outpacing both my budget and sewing ability? That sucks fucking balls.

Out pacing like racing a Pinto and a fucking Mustang.

In other news I bought a fabulous super cheap little Curvations black/red lacy lookin cincher. It's very cute and I still don't know what exactly I'm wearing it with but it's a keeper.

I also decided that I'm going to sell off a couple of pairs of boots I have because one pair is a little too big enough that they aren't comfortable to wear. And the other pair my calves are just too fucking musclebound and hot.

In other news I've been doing some testing all day and my brain is full of jello now.

Tomorrow, maybe the feminism post. Or maybe not I dunno yet.

Also you should go read Davita's latest post it's pretty goddamn good.

I know I'm going to totally sound like a little old lady here but those two over at Pregnant Drug Dealing Prostitutes are fucking adorable. I want to go to A&W with them and have floats.

Okay going home I have cramps still and can I just say WTF? Why is it I don't bleed much so my uterus makes up for the lack of volume by trying to wrench itself out of my abdomen?

And if you were wondering the jerking off went off of the menu in favor of stabby then drugs and napping.

Homo Out.

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