Beauty, and Friday whatnot.

It's Friday, I don't have shit to do...no wait yes I do.

The above was a reference to the movie Friday which is one of my favorites to this day.

Okay oh wait before I get to the pretty and sparkly HI guys (this is where you picture me waving madly at my monitor) welcome you commenting hotnesses.

Now if you've read me for awhile or know me I am a beauty fanatic. I LOVE all thins sparkly, cosmetic-y, and make me feel fancy and fabulous.

Now my budget is not one that is conducive to feeling fancy or fabulous but I have developed some fool proof ways to not only experiment with some fantastic high end stuff but to learn new techniques and whatnot.

So first.

Money. I don't has a lot of it. So I joined some make up communities on LJ and since I started getting into mineral make up I have discovered the joy of samples.

I've already done some pimping. I am a HUGE Fyrinnae fan. I use their eyeshadow base, I have a ton of their eyeshadows and their oil control mineral finishing powder is the motherfucking bomb diggity. I also love the fact that their products are hand tested, doggy approved and frankly having cosmetics I know were packed just for me makes me feel fancy.

I am a recent lover of AromaLeigh products. Read the lady in charges Miss K's blog here. The colors of the shadows are excellent and the sample deal is off the chain. You get extra samples and free shipping on an all sample order. And there is plenty of product in the samples for quite awhile. I am in ass over tea kettle love with her Rocks! Sonic Eyes shades.

And we can't forget Ebay. I very randomly back in December purchased a sample of Happy Minerals Oil control primer powder and have gone back for more. I was a tad skeptical at first because my skin is insanely oily and has pretty much defeated every other primer I've ever tried.

To give you an idea I've tried:
Smashbox Photo Finish Primer. Generally speaking primer, foundation and powder are things I'm willing to shell out the bucks for but this was awful. I bought a 14$ sample of it and used it as directed then experimented a little and it broke my skin out something awful. It made my face look greasier and my foundation application was weird. I didn't like it at all.

I've also tried a product Cornsilk used to put out a mattifying gel. Didn't work so great either. I've tried so many things.

The Happy Minerals powder primer is hands down the best I've tried. And unlike some other mineral make up I've tried it does not get chalky or ashy on brown skin which is a huge plus. Every day I wear make up I use it. It's silky, lovely etc.

And if I'm going for uber hot smooth matteness I will use Milk of Magnesia on my skin first in a thin layer. Wet a cotton pad (I hate cotton balls) and very very lightly smooth it on, use your fingertips if you get any puddle like spots. Let that dry, then with the Happy Minerals on top BANG DAMN HOT.

Okay so we've covered the hows of making some fabulous on the shoe string budget.

Also I keep saying it over and over again but sign up for beauty newsletters. I signed up with Sephora and when my birthday and spending cash came around I got some fabulous things and Sephora actually sends some kick ass samples that you get to pick with your order. Awesome.

Next up let's discuss brushes. Unlike a lot of make up lovers I won't tell you to toss the little applicators that come with your eyeshadows a lot of the time. I keep mine and use them to put on my eyeshadow primer, to fix oops's, occasionally I like ot use the edges to line my eyes.

I LOVE make up brushes too. My little collection is growing quite a bit. I don't tend to buy expensive brushes. And I don't use a whole lot of the different fancy ones. For basics these are what I use:

The first brush I pick up is one like this Flat Top Bronzing Buffer brush from Coastal scents. And let me remind you darlings, you absolutely do not have to ever use a brush according to what it's called. Use it for what it works for. I use that brush to put on my powder primer, it gives a more even layer than the big puffy brush I was using.

Then my trusty Eco Tools Foundation brush. Purchased at Walgreens during a 2 for 1 sale. Now I don't do this every day, it really depends on my mood and how much time I want to spend. I mixed myself up a tinted moisturizer with SPF that is more tinted than you can generally find them. Cheap and easy. I used some Oil of Olay Complete all day UV defense and mixed it with some left over Maybelline liquid foundation I had laying about. I put the lotion in a little plastic flip top bottle that came with my portable train case, then added foundation in wee squirts until it was the consistancy I wanted and voila. It cost probably 7.50$ all told and is lasting me forever. I use my foundation brush to brush my mix on and I smooth any lines with a cosmetic sponge or my fingers.

Next, my handy dandy trusty kabuki brush. Mine looks like this one but it's a different brand. I use it with my Covergirl Freshlook pressed powder in soft sable. I will probably retire this because frankly it is too goddamn hard to find it in my color. I am movin on up (because of mah economic stimulus dood) to a Mac MSF. Anyhow, I swirl my buki in the powder and buff away. I actually really love doing this. Even when I skip the tinted moisturizer my skin looks and feels really lovely.

Then if I feel like it blush or bronzer. Or more likely I pick up my buffer brush again or my big fluffy brush like this one. Dust myf ace with my Fyrinnae finishing powder and voila. My face looks awesome and I am happy with that.

Most of my eyeshadow/liner brushes are from Eyes Lips Face. They are pretty damn good for costing only a dollar. I have a few fancy high end brushes bought either on livejournal or ebay. I haven't noticed a huge difference in quality. Not as big as some make it out to be.

If you haven't wandered off glassy eyed in boredom I am going to talk about why I do and love all this shit. I'll try to keep the flippancy to a minimum.

There was a time when I tried very hard to fit in with some feminists I knew. My nails went unpainted, my face unsparkly, I didn't admit to owning glitter and made damn sure The Man would not find me attractive. I hated it.

These women were doing the one cardinal sin when it comes to trying to educate me. Don't make the assumption that I perceive and deal with societal pressures the same way you do. Ask me.

When someone did finally ask me, my answer then as it is now. It makes me happy. From the time I was around 4 and almost had a heart attack in joy because my tap dance at class had a recital in which I not only got to wear a black and white tutu with sequins but I got to wear make up. I was a child in ecstasy.

I know you could show me your book learnings that would tell me that no I was only excited because of the models set for by the governing (and evil) patriarch and I was (and am) just a poor hapless victim who doesn't know better. You could.

And then I could show you my pointy nailed (currently painted a blueish silver) middle finger.

I attribute my rejection of these things out of hand on lots of things. I was an only child for a long time and spent blessed hours alone. My fantasies and other childhood entertainments were based solely on what made my wee heart go babump. Included in that were hours and hours of dress up and giving myself make overs.

I remember sitting poring over old magazines for hours with my mother's small make up collection spread around me and me ever so carefully emulating the frosted eyes and too much mascara that was the thing then. And you know what? Those were very very happy hours.

As I have gotten older, the bulk of my self esteem has come from some wellspring inside. If I feel like I feel good in there, I am more than happy to do stuff with the housing. IF that means I want to wear my jeans a hoody and a tiara, a look replete with rhinestones on my face and fake eyelashes I goddamn well will whether you like it or not.

I will say this, one last time and I hope to never have to say it again.

It (whatever aesthetic choice I've made that day) is not about you. It's not about your Dad, your boyfriend, it's not about whether or not I am heterosexual or not. It's not about "playing a role", it's not about what society says I'm supposed to do. It's not about a political statement or refutation of a statement.

My big glossy lips and sparkly eyes are not for you. I don't care if you're a man or a woman or inbetween or neither. It. Is. Not. For. You.

Who am I trying to impress?

Myself so fuck you.

NO really fuck you a lot.

The only person who ever has to absolutely without reservation love me, is me.

This is the crux of the intersections of my fat, femme, queer flavored, black life.

My body, how I treat my body, what I do to my body, how I might adorn it has fuck all to do with you and everything to do with me.

Some might say this is ego masturbation and I don't care.

The hardest person to please in my life is me. The worst most evil critic I know is me. I am the one who can hurt me the most and I am also the one who can lift myself from the gutter. Me.

And you know what?

Right now, right this very instant I am in love again. I have finally after 31 years on this Earth shed enough skin to know that I am mostly ok. I am in love because I am secure in my knowledge of myself. I know myself better than anyone and I think I'm pretty fucking cool. I have finally after all these years let go of my continual searching for the right words from other people to affirm what I already know.

Fuck that.

Fuck it right in the goat ass.

And now some links.

Read Sarah's new sex toy blog. And check out her banner down there at the bottom of the page. And I am SO happy I am 99% sure I get to see her on Sunday which is win.

And LaToya from Racialicious is in Bitch Magazine this month. That is pretty kick ass.

Check out what Fillyjonk had to say about tattoos over here. I am fairly into the tats and whatnot myself and will probably do an entry about it at some point fairly soon.

Via SassySays I found (totally not safe for work)Human Variation project. That is super fucking cool.

Go have a looksy at what Davitta (who still refutes being Queen of Black People) said about dieting and talk about dieting.

And lastly FatChic posted about Lola and Gigi clothing and I am kind of in love.

I leave you now my darlings. No photo today. I am not in ze mood.

Also I still keep forgetting to get batteries for my damn digital camera. Bloody hell.

This weekend I have a couple of interweb related projects that I am going to work on. One of them I may or may not get up tonight is my about me page. Something better than the sill blogger profile.

Homo Out.

PS...send dark chocolate stat.

Stumble It!

Good times man good times.

I don't feel like being uber serious today so I am going to talk about beauty, knitting, possibly my boobs and um...whatever.

But first go read this post over at Racialicious about the assumptions people make when you date interracially. Being that I have dated all sorts of differently pigmented peoples, I do have lots to say about it just not today. Go read that, digest, then come back and see what crazy I pour forth.

Okay so let's talk about knitting. I tried to learn how to knit from a kit I got at Walmart probably five years ago now and it ended with me in tears, throwing the needles yarn and the book across the room and I believe Uniballer may have thrown it away to keep me from hollering about it more.

However I have this horrible lust to learn how to knit. So I might pick myself up a copy of Knitting for Dummies (hey the for Dummies taught me my html basics back in the day and when it comes to knitting I am in fact, a dummy)and trying to learn again. Mainly because I have these lovely genteel fantasies of knitting away while on the bus, making myself some socks while listening to Slayer on my headphones.

Sweet innit?

And okay onto fat.

I've been using my health insurance companies website to try and find a new doctor. I've been clicking around and it has a handy dandy "Ideal Weight Calculator". This works so fantastic. All it asks is your height and sex. Not your age, ability, etc. According to it I should at 5'3" weigh 126 pounds.

And since I have a vague idea of how much I weigh, it says my BMI is=death by obesity. This is me for reference. However, if you go by my waist to hip ratio they say:

Your shape puts you at reduced risk of coronary heart disease, diabetes and stroke. Frequently referred to as pear shape, you tend to keep fat off your midsection and more on your hips. Our bodies do not convert this lower body fat as readily as midsection fat, which keeps cholesterol down.

Orly?

So by their calculations I am going to die of the fat, but my pear shape saves me from heart disease, diabetes or stroke. But wait, wait. Isn't my fat going to make me die of diabetes, stroke, and heart diseased? Are you chasing your tail yet?

Now according to them the optimal way for me to lose all these killing pounds would be to run at 12 MPH, for 116 minutes to lose 1 pound.

Now if I were to do that, I would be in so much pain my weight would become a moot point. Now this "personalized" profile knows that I have joint problems, a bad back etc. And it tells me to run.

They also say I need to lose weight NOW, my nutrition sucks, and I am depressed and stressed out but my wellness score is....96% out of 100.

How fucking stupid.

It says I need to:

* You need to start a weight-loss program.
* You need to quit smoking.
* Get your blood pressure tested.
* Buckle up.
* Get your cholesterol checked.
* Add more fiber to your diet.

So I'm too fat, even though I'm pretty fucking healthy I'm fat and OH NO, I don't buckle up.

The "assessment" assumes you drive which I don't. I ride in cars maybe twice a year. If that often. The fiber issue was based on white breads and pasta which I don't eat a lot of.

Yes smoking is bad I know that. But come on now.

So I messed around with their meal planner and I cannot afford that shit. If I could afford to eat salmon every other day and buy bulk flax seeds and shit I fucking would.

I wouldn't be so annoyed if it wasn't all over the site that it's "personalized recommendations just for YOU" type shit. It's not. I know how it works but it's fucking misleading. And I know a crapton of people who would read stuff like that and flip their fucking wigs.

Moving on that shit was irritating. But I feel better after soup and vitamins and tea.

So my boobs. My boobs OH EM EFF GEE my fucking boobs.

I need new bras in a real bad kind of way.

Somehow the UK has found out I have big tits and I am on the mailing list for Bravissimo Bras. specially made for us big titty having types.

Have a looksy there and look at their varied models. Now no none of them are fat and a lot of the bras only go up to band size 40 if you're lucky but, it's a huge step up from air brushed weirdness that is most lingerie catalogs.

Now this has freaked me out for years and yes, it's a little weird but I seriously get creeped out by the airbrushed out nipples, pudenda and pubes in Frederick's of Hollywood Catalogs. I don't know if they are trying to get past some weird mail obscenity laws or what but it's fucking creepy. I have nipples, not big nipples but my nipples have a presence, and I would like to see just how sheer a bra might be when paired with, some dark nipples is that too much to ask?

Or come on now.

It is weird.

So anyway I think I am going to save up the loot and try to find someone in the UK to receive the package for me because I love their bras. And after a measurement I am in fact a 38 D rather than a 40 DD as I had thought.

I am excited about that. Also they say boobs a lot in their catalog and website copy and how could I not love anywhere that says boobs?

OH wait one more thing. I have an insane hard on for this model right here. All because she looks almost exactly like this girl we'll call Miss Too Hot that I tried my damndest to get into her pants back in the day. Despite the fact that she was at the time 35 and I was 19. Also despite the fact that her wife could bench press me then break me in half. Actually I was angling for a threeway because I thought she was hot too.

Tru fax man.

So if you want to buy me fancy lingerie feel free. I am very partial to black, microfiber, not a lot of lacy bits (I HATE my titties being itchy), plunge, full coverage and/or the occasional balconette bra. I like my D cups all up like WHOA.

Skip the panties though because I hate my junk being contained. Yes, that means I don't really like wearing panties because I invariably either have a wedgie of doom, my labia get irritated or I lose chunks of pubic hair and I am not down with that.

Cause seriously, 60 goddamn dollars for a bra. I know it's worth it but I better get a blow job to go along with that or I'm going on strike.

Now speaking of hair, I made an awesome (you have to sing that out loud, awwwwSOOOOOOME like that) hair treatment last weekend. My hair feels super silky and strong and I am happy about that. Read all about that here. I really do love creating little weird concoctions for my hair or skin.

It makes me feel smart and fancy.

Still here?

Me too. Strangely enough.

Well barely. I got all into doing something else.

So tomorrow big exciting announcement, my perfume reviews now that I've worn both new ones a couple of times. Also, possible outfit photos if the weather is warm enough for me to wear the cute outfit I am pining for.

And I will totally remember to tell the story behind my sign out.

Homo Out.

PS..tomorrow is Half naked Thursday and I expect to see some pictures people.

Stumble It!

Noisy Fat Girl.

Before I start yammering I want to tell all my Seattle area homies to go see Miss Sarah K.L read next weekend. Get info here then go.

Also note to self get her banner up kthnks.

And as SharkFu posted today Mrs Loving passed away. That makes me really sad. And I can say that it really pisses me right the fuck off that I can't find the fucking news story on CNN. That reinforces my anger that the story of the Lovings wasn't something I was taught in school but had to find out for myself.

Okay now more stuff.

I finally saw Michael Moore's slightly histrionic film about insurance "Sicko". I tend to take Mr. Moore with a bit of a grain of salt. He's going for the jugular in his films, he wants to yank on those heartstrings and make you cry.

I did not cry.

Nor was I in the least bit shocked at anything in that film. There are many reasons for this so let's go through them.

1.) I was a sickly child in a poor but mostly making it home. Born premature, prone to ear infections, bronchitis, falls, ER visits. That means lots of expensive prescriptions, doctor visits etc. Thankfully nothing was ever life threatening and my parents had medical coverage.

2.) As an adult I spent quite a bit of time being very very poor and having no insurance and being sickly. Thus I had some medical bills that I still owe on ten years later and I went untreated a majority of the time.

3.) I know and have known people who were gravely and not so gravely ill with not enough medical coverage.

So bearing that in mind nothing I saw shocked me. It's nothing new in this country. There are few corners of American life where the prevailing sentiment no matter what the politicians say is, "Fuck you if you're poor nobody gives a shit."

I am all for universal medical coverage in spirit however, looking at how well our government does in other areas I am skeptical that our country could handle it at all from the end of those in charge.

Most of the people I know who are vehemently against universal health care come from affluent homes, have never been seriously ill and don't have children who are ill. I'll give you a for instance.

A friend of mine had a sister who was about 14 years his junior, when she was 8 she was diagnosed with cancer. Despite the medical coverage his parents had, they could not get her the help she desperately needed because the treatment her doctors recommended was "not available" and the cash amount for it was up over 300,000$. And if there was no clear payment she did not get treated. She got chemo, shitloads of drugs and died at age 10.

A different friend, nearly the same situation but his parents had that kind of money available. His sister is now almost 25 years old and healthy.

Am I shocked? No.

That is the reality of being an American Have or Have Not. The fact is that it doesn't really matter overmuch how much you weigh, how much you eat, how healthy of a lifestyle you live. It's about dollars. If you don't have the dollars you are pretty much fucked.

I have known many people who've lost their homes, livelihoods, have lost everything including their lives because of the mismanagement and greed of the health care industry at large. Does it piss me off? Hell yes.

Really at this point I would rather move to another country if I found out there was something seriously wrong with me than be treated here.

In a similarly histrionic vibe let's talk about SuperSize Me for a moment. Whenever something like that gets hyped so much I am generally quite slow to want to have anything to do with it.

Super Size Me was no exception. Frankly I thought the whole thing was stupid. If you work off of the assumption that all fat people are fat because they eat the way that man did all the time, you're probably the same kind of person who believes poor people are poor because they are lazy. If you believe in the demonization of the fast food industry as being the scapegoat for the health woes of this country, yeah. Really seriously man?

All that aside the reality is that yes, not eating a crapload of fast food and other processed foods is good for you. Orly? Woooooooooowwwwwwwww I had no idea. /sarcasm.

I was unimpressed and really kind of grossed out.

I am no huge fan of fast food. I know right? HOLY SHIT A FAT PERSON DOESN'T LIKE FAST FOOD OH GOD.

I don't. If I want a burger I want quality beef, cooked to order preferably with melted blue cheese and bacon on it. If I want french fries I prefer them to be made from a substance that was discernibly a potato once. I will say occasionally, I do like greasy crappy food but not a lot and I pay the price because my body doesn't like it.

Also people who do eat like that I would guess are the exception rather than the rule. Who the fuck can afford that?

Now via the Fatosphere from a post by Equality on the plains apparently there is a rebuttal for Super Size Me called FatHead . I watched the trailer and it looks decent.

However, I am leery that some will turn it into yet another "just an excuse for teh fatties" thing and I am not into it at all.

Honestly, I think that people are probably smart enough to be presented with facts and make up their minds without the theatrics and weird stunts. I consider the insane Fast Food menus to be weird stunts.

I think at some level we all know that no matter what you're studying, the facts can be skewed to say what you want them to say.

An example I am pulling out of my ass:

60% of African Americans think that poop is a disgusting nasty word.

Now..

40% of White people believe that poop is a fantastic and wonderful word.

Same information presented two different ways right? So if you're talking to people who want to believe that poop is a disgusting nasty word which form of data would you present?

And while I'm on a roll here I want to talk about privilege again.

If you don't believe that a certain privilege exists whether it's thin privilege, white privilege whatever. People watch for awhile.

An experiment.

I will assume here everyone knows someone who isn't the same ethnicity they are. Ask them if they have ever been uncomfortable in a situation the moment people laid eyes on them. Or if you don't want to do that sit down and really think about this, you don't have to tell anyone what you come up with but yourself.

Have you ever walked into say a convince store, all you really want is a candy bar, a bottle of milk and a magazine or something. The minute you walk in you can feel eyes on your neck, the second you pick up your candybar the person behind the counter moves to keep you in their line of sight. Let's say you go into this place all the time, have never stolen anything, have never been rude or weird.

Let's say you get all your stuff and get in line behind another person. The person in front of you pays with a twenty and goes on about their business. Your turn comes and the person behind the counter stares at your pockets, or your purse. Then when you hand over the twenty dollar bill, it gets examined, you get stared at again, maybe they call someone from the back to look at your bill.

How would you feel? How would it feel to know that the sole reason for this treatment is the way you look?

Think very very hard about it then tell me privilege doesn't exist.

The sad fact is there's not a lot you can do about it aside from acknowledge it and then, here comes the hard part, understand that someone who gets that treatment in places you don't, is having a wholly different experience than yours. Listen to people when they talk about it, don't assume that if your experience being thin/black/white/fat/trans etc is all sunshine and glitter, that it must be that way for everyone.

Now to look at it from the flipside, my minority homies you have a responsibility in this conversation too. The fact is that the person you're speaking to will probably absolutely not get it. That is just the truth. They might empathize, they might question, they might sympathize but the fact is that person is not going to completely understand and that's ok.

Don't expect that person to understand fully it's unfair. Also unfair is to carry your own prejudices and anger into situations that don't warrant it. Not all of "them" (whomever they may be) are the enemy so to speak. And if you treat everyone you encounter like an enemy, you'll probably get that reflected right back in your face. It's a vicious cycle of suck. So just don't do it.

Example?

Of course.

In the US there is the oft repeated stereotype that Asian people of whatever descent don't like and hate black people. I have heard it all over, listened just the other day to a black man at the bus stop ranting about the Asians in the neighborhood.

I have seen this particular man around quite a bit and he is almost always combative, hateful and speaks disrespectfully to people. He carries that, he wears his disrespect for everyone like a badge on his shirt that says fuck you.

So the other day he was ranting all about how rude the Asian (for the record they are Japanese) people who own a new little smoke shop in the neighborhood had been to him. He went on and on about how "they" are taking over "his" country and he can't get welfare because of "them" yadda yadda.

When he turned to me I shrugged and told him that they are always very nice to me, have gone out of their way to order a few things they didn't carry just because I asked. And not like huge orders, things specifically for me. How they always slip something free into my bag even when I buy just a pack of smokes or whatever.

Why?

The answer is actually quite simple and has worked for me pretty much where ever I go. I don't act like an asshole as soon as I step in the door. I don't give people fuck you looks for no reason. I don't walk around being a dick so in turn people tend to be pretty nice to me.

Even stores I'd heard were notorious for "hating black shoppers" I have often had no issues.

That isn't to say I've not been followed in stores, harassed etc. But it's the exception rather than the rule.

My point here is if you're giving the finger, someone is likely to give it right back to you.

It goes both ways.

Okay I'm done. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about racism on the downlow and why I'd prefer it right in my face.

Now I'm going to eat my tasty noodly beefy soup.

Homo Out.

Stumble It!

Princess Rantypants is in the house.

I awoke this morning feeling extra super stabby. It's either PMS or just one of those things. I'm thinking a mix of the two.

I think when people start leaving work I'm going to have to turn on less gentle music because the gentle is just not cutting it right now.

And since I'm so cranky I'm probably going to say some things that will probably make some people mad.

Let's start with this link I found somewhere in the Fatosphere. This "Real People Model" thing from Newsweek. I want to look at a quote from the article.

"Now, with New York's Fall 2008 Fashion Week arriving this week, fashion watchers say we may begin to see subtle indications of the trend on the runway: the models will still be thin and gorgeous, but they may look more like thin, gorgeous versions of real people than like stereotypical models. "In the '80s and '90s, models were expected to look glamorous and clean, like Niki Taylor and Christy Turlington," says Faran Krentcil, former editor of Fashionista."

So these "real people" models are only kind of like real people but thinner and more gorgeous. So otherwise, they are maybe instead of a size 00 model who looks like she's really pissed on the runway, a size 2 model who's only scowling a little? Are you serious? I am really starting to hate the phrase "real people". It's yet another example of people finding some phrase that sounds really great and promising but, it's not really what they mean.

The article also talks about street style blogs but, I don't care about those. I've abandoned my search for one I actually like.

That irritates me.

It falls into the same category as the whole "real women have curves" mentality. Guess what? A lot of women are not curvy. Fat or thin or inbetween some just aren't. I read a manifesto of sorts about reasons to love being curvy and honestly I found some of it highly offensive in the, so if you don't have a big booty, big hips, or big boobs screw you? Having any of those things does not make you better or worse than any other woman.

Now I want to have a look at the privilege meme that has been floating around teh intertubes lately. I find it flawed. Let's see why shall we?

Here is the list of things you are supposed to bold if they are true leave if they are not true of you. The bits I have issue with I'll make notes in italics for ease.

ADULTHOOD:
If your father went to college
If your father finished college
If your mother went to college
If your mother finished college
If you have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
If you were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
If you had a computer at home- This really doesn't specify what kind of computer? Why yes I did have a computer when I was 18 and in my senior year of high school. What it doesn't ask is was it new? Matter of fact the one I used was more than 5 years old at the time and was donated to me for my senior project. Does that still count as being super fancy?
If you had your own computer at home
If you had more than 50 books at home
If you had more than 500 books at homeI'll take these two at the same time. Does this mean books that you owned? Used books? new books? Library books? Books bought by the box for ten cents at the thrift store? Books found? So really how much can you tell other than that someone in the house was a reader. Also doesn't it make a difference as to what kind of books these may or may not have been? Does 500 trashy romance novels have the same heft of privilege that 500 classics in original languages do? I don't know.
If were read children’s books by a parent
If you ever had lessons of any kind
If you had more than two kinds of lessons Okay I had to bold and italicize these. Do they mean school lessons? Private lessons? Were you involved in one of those at risk youth programs does that count as lessons? Were they free? did they cost money? Were they mandatory because of behavioral or academic necessity? Come on dude.
If the people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively- This I find thorny at best. It is based on the assumption that white people speak only one way and everyone else speaks another way which, if the majority of people I know are any indication this is not as big a goddamn deal as people make it out to be. So if I don't sound "that black" can I bold this one? If I speak "white" does that mean I can bold it? This is fuckery.
If you had a credit card with your name on it- Does this mean ever? Are these people aware of the predatory lending a lot of big name stores with store cards have been doing for ages? Come on now.
If you have less than $5000 in student loans
If you have no student loans
If you went to a private high school- Does this mean on scholarship? Paid for by your parents? Paid for by the state? In private school because their sports team sucked and you happened to be good at whatever sport?
If you went to summer camp Does this mean summer camp for at risk youth? Free? Does it count city provided day camp? Going to your neighborhood school for camp because your parents can't afford childcare? Does it count you're at camp because you were badly behaved and needed some sort of institutional intervention that happened to be called a "camp"?
If you had a private tutorDoes this count a tutor at school if you were dyslexic? What about a tutor because you got passed along in school and can't read? Or does it only count if Mummy and Daddy paid for it? Does it count if you are forced to get a tutor so you don't get expelled for failing something in school?
If you have been to EuropeDoes this mean on vacation? What about army brats? Does it still count if you were born there and immigrated? Or if your family is there? Again, the permutations of the situations that may or may not cause a person to have been to Europe are staggering.
If your family vacations involved staying at hotelsDoes Motel6 count? Motor courts? Places where you had to sleep with your four cousins in one bed and your parents and their cousins in another bed? What if the TV was bolted to the wall and the remote was glued to the table? What if there were roaches? Does it still count?
If all of your clothing has been new and bought at the mall
If your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
If there was original art in your house
If you had a phone in your room
If you lived in a single family house
If your parent own their own house or apartment
If you had your own room
If you participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
If you had your own cell phone in High School
If you had your own TV in your room in High School
If you opened a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
If you have ever flown anywhere on a commercial airline
If you ever went on a cruise with your family
If your parents took you to museums and art galleries
If you were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.

~

You see where I'm going with this I'm not doing the rest of this. This is the sort of thing that tends to chap my ass about a lot of the discourse about privilege. You can take a question. Let's take the one there about having your own room.

It doesn't ask other questions. Was it not an actual bedroom? Was it say only big enough to hold a twin bed? Were you an only child? Were you the youngest child with grown siblings? Did your parent(s) sleep in the livingroom on the couch so you could have a bed? Did your bedroom have a door? Or was it a curtain? These questions in my opinion do not at all address the myriad of things that could take something like having a bedroom from being a sign of just how privileged you are to oh wow you lived in a trailer and your "bedroom" consisted of a table the turned into a bed when you flipped it over, and your door was a curtain.

I have yet to find an approach to the whole privilege debate that doesn't smack to me of trying to instill guilt/other bad feelings in people without addressing that what may come off initially as "privilege" wasn't exactly it. Also, who are we comparing all these things to?

Who or what are the criteria?

All that said, I do think that some people do need to be reminded that their big pimping life is not how a lot of other people have it. However I will stand by that I absolutely HATE this argument being beaten to death and invoked piously when there's not really a need.

Okay I am taking my ranty pants off.

Go watch this documentary on youtube about Laurie's work. do it now.

Homo out.

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On my Non Participation.

Ok via Kate Harding I found this tidbit on Jezebel.

My first reaction to this story is of course a round "what the BLUE fuck is going on here?" Are you fucking serious?

What the BLUE FUCK is wrong with people?

Ok for the record I don't wear my hair natural and haven't in about 7 years now. I did for awhile, realized I wasn't into it and changed it. My reasoning was not at all political rather that I take better care of my hair when it's straighter. And because I was heartbroken that because of the five different textures of hair on my head I could not wear a proper little afro.

I am more than over hair being turned into a political statement. Done. If it were say thirty years ago or even being charitable fifteen years ago i might buy it but seriously. Just no.

I think the below documentary should be required watching for people who don't get the whole diversity and beauty that is black women:




Further more if you hear people saying things like that, call them the racist that they are. And remind them that White centric beauty is a fucked up idea. Please.

When I was younger early-mid teens I seriously struggled with accepting that my blackness was in fact beautiful. It wasn't really because of a lack of role models. It was more the fact that I often heard the despised phrase, "For a black girl". That phrase haunted me for years. About everything from my body, to my voice, my hair, my beauty.

It hurt me because at the time I didn't have the language to tell people that was a fucked up thing to say. That my blackness does not define me in the terms they thought it did. I hated getting the sidelong looks when someone in the crowd said something sideways but at that age I had no idea how to combat it.

Now, yeah now I will not have it. There is no reason to preface or end any comment to me that even approaches sounding like, "for a black girl" I don't want to fucking hear it.

I have a migraine so I'll leave you with another video.



Also can I just say that I really hate dentistry in general. And why is it so fucking expensive anyway?

Homo Out.
Back then I didn't need to hear that Black is beautiful, what I needed was to see the scope and array of beauty beyond models.

Tags: rant, african american, blackness

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Actually I'm not done yet.

I'm reading the Janus Report right now and absolutely HAVE to say something about some of it.

Little to no mention of socio-economic status in the sample groups is mentioned at all except briefly in relation to prostitution. That annoys me. Also race isn't brought up when I am fairly certain mention of that would probably change some of results.

Also the chapter on deviant sexual behavior is appallingly skimpy not to mention misleading.

In relation to kink most of their data and the anecdote they include (they include personal stories sprinkled through the report, i imagine so the lay person relates better) and a LOT of the stories they have chosen to feature seem off to me.

The Pro Domme who says that her clients are "crazy" for wanting vibrators or other things in their asses. I have met, read and observed a lot of sex workers and a good many Dommes and the ones with that sort of dismissive, flippant attitude I've found to be lacking.

How the FUCK as a supposedly professional sex worker (legalities aside for now) can you actually believe a man is crazy for wanting his asshole stimulated? How do you become a "top madam" (another bone to pick but I'll save that for later) without understanding male physiology?

If you're not a man or aren't all into the men let me fill you in. Men have a prostate gland that can be easily accessed for stimulation you guessed it, in their butts. Some men (lots of men) find that to be incredibly wonderful. NO they aren't crazy, stupid, inherently gay or whatever. It'd be like telling a woman she's "crazy" for wanting her GSpot stimulated.

Also their terminology seems if not dated than slightly wrong.

Golden showers referred to as "waterworks". maybe I"m just too young but I have never in my life heard golden showers spoken of as "waterworks". Water Sports yeah but come on now.

Also it seems to me that they inferred that men are the vast majority of kinky people, and that the female Top is a thing of myth and scarcity. Um. No.

And (maybe I'm reaching here but I don't think so) men who do seek out kink according to the study are relegated to finding prostitutes willing to indulge them all the while debasing themselves.

They included prostitution as a "deviant" act and I might have to stop reading this for awhile because I find that offense on so many levels I can't even START.

Ok I can.

First of all I am a firm believer that if sex work were not vilified, demonized, and illegal a good 90% of the problems surrounding it would be solved. If you had to go through an employment screening and process to be a sex worker would you be at such a high risk for violence?

If I wanted to be a prostitute, (and yes there have been times I wanted to) as a sentient human fucking being with all her faculties I would VASTLY prefer to work in an environment with security, mandatory STD screening, where I could pay taxes, get paychecks, be able to get health insurance all those things that you can get when you work a good job.

Also can we face facts? Prohibition of ANY kind in America tends to make problems worse and not solve them.

If the sex industry was a regulated, taxed, monitored thing, how many women and men would be safe? Would maybe, instead of burning out or disappearing into the streets be able to safely leave that profession if they choose?

Even if you have no interest in sex work look at it this way, no one is going to kill you when you're IT knowledge gets a little behind the times are they?

So yeah I have beef with how this study is presented.

If you are going to talk about sex work in the context of American Sexuality why not talk to more than the one who thinks men are nuts for liking a certain kind of stimulus and the other one who's life story revolves around tragedy?

Why not talk to a happy hooker? They do exist.

Or what about the guy who goes to a hooker not because he's some super kinky weirdo but maybe he's not able to get laid otherwise? Maybe he's old or thought to be ugly.

Or what about the lady who gets herself a hot butch escort?

Maybe she just wanted to get fucked by a gentleman who'll not only not call in the morning but who will make her come until she can't see straight.

Ok.

Sorry.

Got frothy round the mouth there.

So right. My point is I do not like how this study is presented at all. The data seems to be at least fairly not suspect but the presentation sucks if you are coming at it from a sex radical POV or if you are looking for a more in depth and clearer picture rather than the uber generic Men/Women- it is just not doing it.

I am infuriated.

And I'm done now.

And I have to take meds because the running up and down stairs all day yesterday has me hurting in the (crapass) knee area.

Deviant Homo Out.

Tags: daily crap, rants, sexuality, books, sex

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Of Blurbs and Bastards...

I know I said I was done I lied.

I got the book "I Have Chosen to Stay and Fight " as a birthday gift and started reading it last night.

First off I love Margaret Cho like you people just don't understand. She is smart, hilarious, and superbly talented and I think she's hot. I have since the first time I saw her hollering on HBO I think it was and I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.

Anyway.

I was pissed about this enough to actually write to her.

This book is really good. Very personal. And the blurbs ar fucking stupid. One of them says "murderously funny". Which in a way is true. Yes Ms. Cho is fabulously scathingly hilarious. BUt this book isn't about that. I don't want to give too much away but she talks a lot about activism and racism homophobia etc. This is NOT motherfucking comedy.

I actually came about ( ) close to yelling that on the bus on the way home last night. I was su upset I might actually just take the dust jacket off because it's fucking offensive.

I have to say that this feels to me like yet another pat on the head, isn't she adorable, oh how funny bullshit thing. I have this mental image of these "reviwers" sort of chortling away while reading about racism, nodding because they KNOW what she's saying is true but, "Oh well it's just some Asian chick ranting, isn't that funny". See what I'm getting at here?

I don't really know how else to express how I feel about this.

It's the kind of thing I understand.

Maybe (yes I'm willing to consider this) I'm overreacting because of sme of the condescension I've gotten from people. That pursed lip, wobbly head nod "Oh how nice that you do that" type. Their tone clearly indicates rather than "how nice" "Oh you're black and you write" usually followed up by the ienvitable question about whether I'm writing raps or "slam" poetry.

Shut the fuck up.

It makes me angry when people show their cultural biases without so much as a bat of an eyelash.

Along the same lines here are things I NEVER want to hear again:

"You didn't sound black on the phone."
"WHy do you talk so white?"
"I didn't know black people liked (insert thing here)"
"You are really well spoken." (With the unspoken caveat, "for a black")

Anything near to those themes and you can shut the FUCK up and fuck the FUCK off. I've been hearing it my whole fucking life and I'm 30 years old and fucking over it. Do NOT voice your bigoted opinions to me. Do NOT put your narrow views in my personal space. Do NOT fucking act like it's okay because, "well not you, I mean them." I AM them motherfucking and don't think I don't want to stab you in your motherfucking eye.

If honestly deep down inside you have any trouble believing that a black person can be who I am, I don't care to know you. Black, white whatever. Keep it to yourself. I don't care who you think I should be so as not to make your world view seem fucked up. I don't care.

That said, if you want to speak to me about my experience in life as a bi sexual black woman. If you want to know the road I've been walking ask. We can talk about that all day.

Okay, now I'm actually done. I'm going to make some genmaicha and calm the fuck down.

Homo Out.

PS, I saw the sun and had a conversation with a squirrel.

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Ugh, fat rant and some people are fuckers.

No really.

I am kinda sick.

Actually I feel like stepped in shit.

I wanna go home.

Finances suck again.

And I feel a little ranty.

I have a lot of love for Queen Latifah. A lot. I have since I first heard of her back in the day. I rocked out to U.N.I.T.Y, I watched "Living Single" religiously. Okay I am OG Queen Latifah lover.

That said I am really not happy with her right now.

She announced her new Curvations Clothing line and as I first looked I was so excited. Gorgeous clothes, hot plus size models and then I started checking the prices.

If you look at the website linked in the article yes, her clothing is sexy and beautiful but, very expensive. I saw a one shouldered tshirt top for 68$ or some shit. T shirt material. More than sixty dollars.

Does she not remember what it's like to be poor?

Also her sizing only goes up to a size 22 and I don't like that. The whole thing strikes me as a marketing ploy. Less "I love my fellow big girls" and more "Let's make some fucking loot".

Mind you there's nothing wrong with making money. What I don't like is the faux rah rah I love you guys-ness.

Don't play at fat politics. Don't play at support when in the end we all know it's not about supporting your big booty sisters but, about bilking your big booty sisters for serious money.

I am unamused.

It strikes me as funny that now that I'm actually fairly chubby, and in all actuality right in the middle of "average" for an American woman that now my fat politics rear up all pissed off and whatnot.

I remember when I was actually a fair bit bigger than I am now wanting so badly to lend my help and ear and voice and getting rebuffed many times for "not really fat". Someone actually said those very words to me and I was so hurt. Hurt because despite my vehement support without any creepy "admirerness" or anything I was showed the proverbial door by lots of evil looks and the cold shoulder.

I think that's a big part of why lately I tend to be so reticent around any cause. While yes I might agree and want to champion something at the same time, I don't want to be outcast because I don't fit the mold. For all of my piss and vinegar I am actually very sensitive to that sort of thing. Fat activism wasn't the only place.

LGBT activisim. Yeah. Everything was fine while I had a girlfriend but when I started dating a boy yeah quite suddenly I was persona non grata amongst some of who I thought were my closest friends.

I never understood that mentality. Especially if you are well aware just how passionate of a person someone is and you dismiss them out of hand because they seemingly "break ranks". The fuck kind of shit is that?

However for all my vitriol today I actually did something nice. Which brings me to rant#2.

Be NICE to old people you fucks.

So as I'm getting off the bus today this elderly lady and her "companion" I put that in quotes because he was an asshole. So little old lady in her cute lavender polyester pants and with her cane could hardly get off of the bus and forgot to get a transfer. Even though uber fucker was hollering at her (from about fifteen feet away) to "get your damn transfer". SHe couldn't hear him. Fuck I could hardly hear him over the bus din.

I got her transfer and tucked it into her purse then helped her down out of the bus. She almost tipped over and fell and I put my arm around her waist and helped her to the flat part of the ground while her "companion" stood and tapped his toe. Turns out Miss Lady has very bad balance and "always" has trouble in that spot. She thanked me effusively and tottered to catch up to her "companion".

How hard is it to be nice to and conscious of old people?

I have hollered at more than one person for almost knocking someone down in their haste to get on the bus or off the bus. I would rather be late to where ever I'm going than to stand by and watch someone fall or have some other difficulty. I have more than once helped an older person use their atm/ebt card at the store. Or got them on the right bus.

Is it that hard to wait a goddamn minute?

Same goes for people with small children. Even if you don't like kids, you don't have to be a fucking dick. Let them pass. Or if you see someone struggling w/baby stroller grocers etc offer a hand it's a decent fucking thing to do.

Okay I think I am spent.

I am going to have some ginger tea and try not to stab anyone.

Homo Out.

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Bday is arrived.

Thus far birthday is not too bad.

Mainly beacuse Cookie is such a beautiful and wonderful person I am SO thankful to have as a friend. She wrote this thing that blows my mind.

For me.

And um, I am twittering because BoyVenus and GurlVenus have pressies en transit. Which I LOVE.

I am wearing black and red. My eye make up is fabulous even though the black isn't as dark as I'd like it shows more like gunmetal because of my eyeshadow primer.

I got to watch Ugly Bettylast night which is like my favorite fucking show. America is brilliant. That girl could not be ugly is she tried. And I LOVE Mark (Willie's pet fag) so much I want one of my own. Just not so squealy cause yeah, "too gay" (If you don't watch the show you probably don't get the last bit there.)

And Vanessa Williams, such an America's sweetheart type as such an absolute twat I LOVE LOVE LOVE her size 4 ass. She looks fabulous in the role. Although the fluffy hat in the Xmas episode was a little much even for me.

I am listening to NPR and apparently there are 10 tons of dog poop produced in America in a year. Wow.

And a thing in SF where someone is trying to use dog poop as fuel. I'm all about it. Dinosaur remnants won't last for motherfucking ever no matter how many brown people our president deems it necessary to conquer.

Charles Barkley advocates for gay marriage. This is my predjudice showing but I was absolutely shocked. I think mainlyb ecause of the machismo involved in professional sports to have someone who's a legend in the game (basketball in case you don't know) and (it pains me to have to admit this) a Black man out saying:

"I think if they want to get married, God bless them," Barkley said.
"Gay marriage is probably 1 percent of the population, so it's not like it's
going to be an epidemic. Hey, trust me, I'm never going to kiss you and say,
'Chris, you're sexy.'"

That latter is what I believe to be a repsonse to one of the arguments against gay marriage. THere are people who somehow very seriously believe that if you let gays marry, then all of a sudden EVERYONE will become gay and thus want to get married.

Something I don't see a lot in the media coverage on the issue is the parallel between gay marriage and interracial marriage.

People seem to have forgotten that a mere 40 years ago it was illegal for a white person to marry a black person. Loving v. Virginia Back then (and today depending on who you talk to) people said the same things about interracial marriage that people are saying about gay marriage.

"It's an abomination before God."
"It's unnatural."

To quote Leon Bazile:

Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, Malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.

Substitute man/woman for race and do you hear anything familiar?

The Supreme Court ruled as follows:

Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discriminations. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

/

What part of that do we not get? As a nation what part of "basic civil rights of man" is confusing? Marriage (though many people would argue this point endlessly)is not just a religious institution. Marriage has practical benefits. Important benefits.

Health Insurance
Taxes
Stability
If one partner has died.

Let's look at the latter. I'm going to put you into a situation.

You reader are let's say 45 years old and have been with the same person for 15 years. For one reason or another you've not had support from, contact with or anything to do with your immediate family in let's say almost 30 years. Sadly you have a heart attack and are incapacitated in the hospital.

Now, because you are with someone to whom you are let's say for all intents and purposes married to. Would you rather a.)have that person have the right to handle your affairs or b.) have your family swoop in to do it?

Would you rather go through this say with or without health insurance?

What if you have children and you pass away? Would you want your children taken away from your spouse and given to veritable strangers because that person is not a biological parent?

Would you want your estate snatched up by people you've had nothing to do with for a majority of your adult life?

What if, this person who is your spouse had to make the decision as to whether to continue life support or not? Would you rather it be the person with whom you've shared hearth and home with or people you've not seen have the right to make this decision?

Now think about this. In general no matter what flavor of religion you follow there are edicts that ask that you not judge your fellow humans. That you love your fellow human being. That you as a devout or not so devout (insert religion here) do not maliciously cause harm to other people.

How harmful is it that because you don't agree with something you are potentially putting futures at risk? Or keeping them from leading the happy life they are striving for? Look at yourself in the mirror, if someone walked up to you, a stranger walked up to you and said, I don't like who you seem to be and therefore you cannot do (insert thing here). How would you feel?

Here in Amerika we as Amerkans do not lack morals. What our country is not lacking is backbone. What we are lacking is empathy. What we are lacking is the balls and heart to look at each other and say, "you're different from me and I think it's weird and scary but, I will stand next to you ad fight until you can live as you like without persecution."

We as Amerikans are lacking conviction. We as Amerikans are lacking in the understanding of the phrase "We The People."

What we are lacking as Amerikans is the strength of our numbers.

What we are lacking in Amerika as Amerikans is heart.

I don't care if you're rich, poor, conservative, liberal, Communist, Socialist, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, Wiccan, Black, White, Asian, Immigrant, naturalized, whatever.

I don't care if you live in the ghetto or live in the suburbs.

I don't care if you think none of this has an impact on your life.

I have heard too many people say, "well I'm not gay" or "I don't know any gay peope" that is not the fucking point. The point is that you can substitute gay for woman, or man, or Asian, or White, or Black, or Farmer, the subject can and will be replaced. You too can be demonized to the point where you are afraid to live in some places. To the point you have to drive cross country to do something as simple and wonderful as exchange wedding vows with someone you love.

You could have your children taken away.
You could be denied housing.
You could be denied everything.

Granted it's a stretch but, look around you at what Amerika is right now. Our people are halfway across the world getting killed. Our "leaders" bash and torment other nations and yet in this rich rich land we can't (or won't) educate our children. We can't/won't feed our people. We can't/won't do something to make for a healthy populous.

I say "our children" a lot. I don't have children of my own. And a lot of people I know don't either. But as I keep telling people who complain about school levies and the like, those little bastards you hate so much are going to be wiping your ass when you're old. When we are all gumming our peas they will be running rock.

Do you want politicos who can't pass 6th grade math?

No if you're a rational person you don't want under educated people running this country. So shut it and understand that yes, the state of our children does have an impact on you.

In summation, Amerikans stop fucking around. We need to stop pissing on each others shoes and start living like we're all in this shit together.

Okay I'm done.

My birthday rant.

Homo Out.

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Ranty beasty

So I've been reading the news which isn't something I spend free time doing generally. A few articles and my take .

The headline from CNN Study: Sex of any kind can harm teens emotionally: So someone has finally figured out that if you talk to your teenagers openly and honestly about sex it might make them feel okay doing it.

For FUCK sake. Are we seriously only just now figuring that out?

I find this quote to be heartening though:

"In contrast, boys' sexuality and sexual behavior is generally accepted," Brady and Halpern-Felsher pointed out. "Parents can play an important role in helping to eliminate this double standard by encouraging respect for women and discouraging the use of derogatory sexual terms."

But come ON it's 2007.

Okay let's be honest here folks. Between us grown ups we know goddamn well (you too parents) that folks young and old like doing things with their parts. They like having them touched, they like touching them. And we all know by now that abstinence only sex education really doesn't work.

What works is giving teenagers the respect they deserve. What works is treating them like sentient human fucking beings and not smaller versions of their parents. What works is giving them the opportunity to learn about and figure out their own personal sexuality without tainting it.

That means STOP fucking molesting kids.
That means STOP fucking with their heads about sexual issues.
That means STOP skirting the issue.

That means tell kids the truth. This is a penis, this is a vagina, this is an anus. You get my drift.

And don't wait until your son is beating off six times a day and feeling guilty about it or your daughter is in the bathroom crying trying to figure out what to do with a tampon. When your child asks where do babies come from that child will let you now when he or she has heard enough. Believe me. Kids are very aware of their own limits if only people would stop fucking with them.

Teach your children to know and understand their bodies before they go crazy with hormones and whatnot.

If you are unable to provide the basic human necessity of education. Take them somewhere or to someone who can. Yes, that means you might have to buck up and go to a clinic. I really don't suggest taking a teenager to your aged family physician who can hardly say vagina much less discuss what to do with one.

I'm not saying hand your kids the Kama Sutra and let them wild.

I'm saying give your children the POWER to make an informed conscious decision. THe best defense against the evils of the world is not dogma and fear. It is power and knowledge.

Imagine this if you will.

Your gay 15 year old son is on a date. His date gets grabby and wants to go barebacking in the park. Your son because of the knowledge and support you've given him looks at his hot piece of ass and says, it's not safe to do it unprotected. If you don't have a condom let's jerk off.

How fucking AWESOME would that be? Your kid, balls out protecting his health and enjoying himself? Don't like that one try this one.

Your 17 year old bisexual vegan daughter is on a date with a heterosexual 19 year old boy. Maybe you're not all into it but, because you know you've taught your daughter well and she is a capable smart young woman you're not worried. Boyfriend gets grabby, starts to tell her all about how he's going to die of blueballs calls her a tease. Your hot ass daughter says: I don't want to have unprotected sex or give you oral sex unprotected. Let's get each other off and go get tested. Or you can fuck off.

YEAH YEAH YEAH. That's YOUR babygirl. Would that not just be amazing?

One more situation for you.

You have a 15/16 year old boy/girl who is not sure if he/she likes girls/boys/anything. Your child feels wierd and out of place because he/she isn't out humping everything that moves like his/her friends might be percieved as doing. THen instead of feeling weird your son/daughter decides to stay a virgin until he/she figures out what is best for her/him.

YEAH.

What I'm saying here people is if nothing else, you tell your children the truth. DOn't put it in a religious context which I know is hard. You can add your beliefs but as we all know just because Mom and Dad believe it little junior might not. Think of it not as promoting wanton sluttery but giving your child armor. And making DAMN sure your baby knows how to work his or her brain.

Okay now. For those who don't have these fabulous dream parents I have links. Hell I have links for you grown ups who aren't quite ready for janesguide yet.

Scarletteen pants down one of the best and most informative sites out there.

OutProud. I love what they say right at the beginning, for queer and questioning youth.

YouthResource another amazing resource. For sexuality, help, health advocacy. Good stuff right here.

Some of you may be wondering why there are such things. The reason is tht a lot of adults just plain suck. And when you're young and scared, you need a place to go. If your parents can't get the job done right there are other people who can.

Okay enough of my ranting for now.

Homo Out.

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Grrr...beasty gets ranty. Again.

But before I get ranty lemme just say.

YAY Adam. Getting to spend time with Adam was very fabulous.

Poor baby was half frozen and wet on arrival but recovered and was bolstered by napping and spicy chicken.

So YAY.

Now for the ranty.

I belong to several online communities that are for us poor folks. People living at, on the margin of and below the poverty line for their given locale.

Aside from people with money pretending like being poor is some fabulous lifestyle choice and not an actual economic mother fucking problem, there is one thing that really pisses me off.

When someone asks about budgeting and immediately people start honking their wankers that Oh well you know I only lived on 500$ a month for sooo long and I did soooo well on my budget. Which can be fine. What my problem is when these people (and subsequently other people) don't take into account things like cost of fucking living.

Yes, if you live in Bumfuck nowhere Alabama it is probably entirely possible to live damn well on 500$ a month and have money to spare. Understand that a shitload of people do not pay something like 350$ a month in red. Understand that a shitload of people have utilities that run higher than 10$ a month. Understand that a LOT of people aren't poor for fucking fun.

These are also the people who don't take into account things like children, out of work spouses/SO's, debt that (another one that chaps my ass but I will get to it) they can't repay, transportation, etc. Just don't. Tooting your own wank just to make yourself feel mighty for having "lived through it" does NOT make it okay to then look down on other people.

So this other thing. Credit. I see it ALL the time in a lot of these communities where someone will mention debt, not go into explicit details and then have upmteen people get in their ass about being a "credit abuser" or irresonsible human being.

You know what? Fuck you.

Debt does not automatically mean stupidity or irresonsibility. Don't be a fucking asshole.

There are as many ways to get into debt as there are people on this great big green rock we all live on. Some people get into debt yes because they are stupid, other people simply because they don't know any better while it's happening. Other people lose good jobs, have tragedies happen in their lives, buy cars that get royally fucked up, buy houses that are royally fucked up, have health problems and shitty insurance or worse yet no insurance, have children, move. Any number of things can bring a person into the debtors purgatory.

It makes me so angry to watch these holier than thou jack asses make hard working smart people feel like shit because things went wrong.

Fuck you and the computer you logged in on.

One of the things that if you are in Amerika you should know is that, our econmic system is not set up to get your slice of the Shit Pie. It's just not. I don't want to go into a ton of data research. It's unnecessary. Look around you. This Great Land of Ours is made to reach for the brass ring and get a handfull of shit. The exception in this case does not prove the rule.

Amerika is teat fed on materialism, conusmerism and the all Mighty Dollar. That is the truth of it regardless of whether you're poor and growing up in the hood or rich and growing up in the better hood. We are spoon fed want want want, and when it comes down to absolute need need need, we settle.

I'm not condemning anyone for that because we all do it. We are trained and bred to want the Big Prize at the end of the rainbow when matter of fact i'm willing to be money that 80% of us just really NEED the essentials. A roof over our heads, healthcare, food clothes and a little caring. How many of us forgo those things, if not entirely then subjugate one for another?

How many people do you know who damn near go broke to pay the rent to live in a nice neighborhood where they don't have to worry about getting killed on the way to the Kmart?

How many good hardworking type people do you know who are working themselves into an early grave just to make sure their kids get to go to a school with schoolbooks less than twenty years old?

How many people do you know who suffer health ailments because they can't afford to go to the doctor? Or their credit isn't good enough to go to the dentist to get their teeth fixed? Or the clinic they go to got shut down?

You know these people. Chances are you are these people.

I'm not calling for en masse revolution. What I'm calling for is dignity. One person railing isn't as effective as a population quietly insisting.

It's frustrating because at the root of all these issues are people who (in my estimation) have never had to worry about paying the rent or eating for the week. The people in charge of seeing to it that ALL of Amerika's people are doing okay don't give a shit. And what's worse is that these are the people we've chosen to represent us.

How is it that the state of this government has degenerated into a matter of lesser evils?

How is it that our fabulous bi partisan government now (way too many people feel this way) come down to not what a party stands for but which candidate is going to do the least amount of damage while in office.

Are we fucking serious?

What do we do?

I think the first thing we as Amerikans need to figure out is to mind our own fucking business. As in the following scenerio:

Candidate A runs for Mayor of your town. Seems like a good person, has experience that is relevant, is passionate about making your town a great place to live, has empathy not just for the fuckers footing the bill for the race but, for that guy that sits at the corner store all day begging for beer money. Outset of the campaign you think, hey, Candidate A, you're all right.

Candidate B runs for the same position. Seems okay as well. Maybe a little older or younger, not enough absolute idealogical differences to really sway you. For arguments sake we'll say these two folks are pretty much neck and neck in your mind.

Then the shit starts.

Rumours start to go around that Candidate A may or may not be gay, may or may not have smoked a joint when they were 19 and, OMFG likes to read trashy romance novels.

Candidate B (not to remain unscathed) may or may not be an atheist, may or may not have gotten drunk in college and tbagged/Vbagged (when you put vulva on someone's face and not for pleasure. Yes I just made that up now SHH) someone and OMFG only reads Truman Capote while cavorting around his/her house wearing little more than a bad wig and a pair of clogs.

Now, neither of their political views have changed. None of the qualifications has changed but suddenly it becomes about who's a "better person" or who slings the most shit that sticks.

This Amerika is where I have a fucking problem. Nothing I mentioned above (in the shit slinging area keep up with me now) has anything to do with what kind of mayor that person may or may not be. Someone might secretly like to masturbate while looking at pictures of naked pinky toes but, it is really none of yours (or my) business.

None.

And the drug thing. You know everytime some "important" politico has some enemy who has some fuzzy frat house recollection it always comes up as "a history with drugs". Okay let's be real shall we?

How many "important" Amerikans right this instant, I'm talking CEO's, civic and religious leaders, community leaders have at one point in their lives or another done something like smoke a joint. Do NOT bullshit yourself.

Remember first and foremost my friends that we are all human and not all of us had Straight Edge embedded in our genes or figured from birth on being an "important" public figure. And a lot of us human beings liked to experiment with the illicit substances in our youth. Hell maybe in our middle age.

Does this make someone automatically have some enormous character flaw? Some people would say absolutely. But come on, no matter what your stance on drugs, drinking, premarital sex whatever. Does someone having been a stoner when they were 19, really taint them for life?

No.

Does what someone does in the privacy of their own home on their own time reflect in how well they can do a job?

Be real.

No.

Here's where we come in folks. Do you know how much steam it would take out of any shit slinging campaign if people instead of freaking out over the next big thing, said.

"oh, well I wouldn't do that but he/she is a good (insert whatever here) And it's really none of my business."

En masse people. Seriously. Make an email template that says something to that effect, save it in your inbox and whenever there's big news about what uber importante person did whatever thirty years ago, send it to every news outlet you can think of. Then have your friends and relatives send it.

Think about it.

How awesome would it be to have say a presidential election where there was no time wasted on character assasination where 10 times out of 12 it's over nothing?

How fantastic would it be to go into your voting area of choice and feeling confident in your vote not because candidate A might or might not have sucked more or less cock in his or her day. But, because you truly feel that Candidate A will be an amazing Mayor and make your town a kickass place to live.

The moral of this part of the story is that you and I folks are supposed to be what makes Amerika.

Not all the rest of the bullshit.

So, in closing before I have a fucking aneurysm. Don't be a fucking asshole. Have some sense, behave like a decent human being.

That should be the New Years resolution for Amerika.

Don't Be An Asshole.

Thank you and goodnight I'm fucking spent.

Homo Out.

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