When the peen starts looking good.

Before we get to the beef, MCCN I have no clue you are seriously the first person to ever ask. Uh...I'll get back to you on that.

So the Peen.

I had a conversation via email recently with an up til now hetero man who's found himself quite suddenly rather enamored of another peen having human and naturally he's kind of confused.

For background this fellow is in his mid thirties, biologically male and has to this point never found himself curious about or really anything other than ambivalent about peen other than his own.

Recently he met another man about his age who he found himself quite attracted to and this dude is fairly into him, he's not super freaked out but a little bit.

Here is what I think.

I do not believe for an instant that a persons sexuality is ever static. Things change, people change, needs and desires change and there is nothing wrong with that.

Does his interest in this other dude mean he's suddenly gay? Probably not. Does it mean he's bisexual now? Maybe. Or maybe he's a straight dude who is sometimes attracted to other dudes.

I'm not a huge believer in sticking to a label for simplicity's sake. Things like sexuality are often far too complicated for these things. I also don't believe that deviating from what's the norm for you indicates a massive tectonic shift either.

If we take the peen out of the issue and say that this guy usually dates 6' blonds with short hair, blue eyes and small boobies then shows up at the party with a 5' black haired black eyed big titty having lady does this turn the universe inside out?

Nope not really.

I think that some people are really just more attuned to attraction based on what gives them the special tingle in the brain than others. And sometimes what gives us that special tingle is not what we are expecting and can be scary.

I told him to just enjoy himself. If he finds himself with an unavoidable want to have some buttsex or whatever with this guy to go ahead. And also to be honest that he is maybe a little freaked, has never sucked a cock and isn't sure what to do or how to feel exactly.

I also told him that if he does in fact want to have some boy on boy sexy times he needs to be prepared. I hand picked him some awesome porn to look at, recommended some informational things to read. I always advocate knowledge before taking the big plunge.

I think all of us at some point has a thought or attraction that freaks us out. Maybe it's someone outside of your culture, outside of your slice of the universe, hell maybe it's somebody fat or thin or super hot or whatever. It's okay.

Yes let me tell you that again my darling, it is okay. You are not losing your mind, your personality or self. You are okay. And there is no rule anywhere that says you have to even act on these feelings. You are free to stay home and wank yourself into a coma if you want to.

Now I am not a huge fan of picking at and trying to analyze every emotion or fleeting attraction. I don't think that it does us as humans a whole lot of good when we try to police ourselves to the point we start freaking if something seems politically incorrect in our own brains.

If you are not demeaning someone who hasn't asked you to do so, if you aren't basing your attraction on some racial or sexual stereotype, if you are not being creepy or weird you are probably just fine.

In essence what I'm saying here my homos, homies, haters and noobs is if you feel yourself getting the special tingle for somebody in your brain parts, go with it.

You never know. You might fall in love, you might have some awesome sex, you might freak out and never want to do that again but you'll know at least that you gave your brain a chance to lead your heart and/or crotch. And that my friends is an awesome feeling in my current view of the universe.

So there you have my take on sudden peen appreciation by fellow peen having human being.

Now I don't feel so hot today my stomach is wibbly and I think I've forgotten to eat enough and my blood sugar is taking a proverbial nose dive.

Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, afrosphere, sexuality

Stumble It!

Sluts, fatties and buckle up.

I want to start by quoting Tara's post over at Fatshionista.

In the queer fat femme context from which I operate, blatant displays of the body can be sources of power and strength.

I quote her to begin with because I am coming from a very close angle here.

I want to start out by saying that if you consider yourself a feminist and you engage in, encourage or support slut shaming, fuck you.

If you are supposedly a feminist but you don't have enough respect for a fellow women to give her an opportunity to live her life, use or not use her sexuality as she sees fit fuck you and your friends.

If you are supposedly pro woman than give women the respect to realize that many of us whom you'd gleefully decry as sluts and point to as hurting the cause, have brains and know how to use them. You are the enemy. People like you who cannot understand that womanhood and sexuality are not monolithic experiences and one means of doing things does not fit all, you are the enemy.

To put a finer point on it, you are my enemy.

The problem is not how someone chooses to present themselves. The problem is when people, women men whomever decide how other people should present themselves.

There is an ocean between knowing what you yourself might do in any given situation and denigrating someone else for not doing just that same thing.

Moving along.

I want to talk more about being fat and embracing your body etc.

First of all I will say again that being a fat woman who is happy and comfortable in her skin (whatever flavor or shade of woman you are) is in and of itself a subversive act. In a society that will tell you the eleventy billion ways that your body is wrong and how to change the shape of it, or take the eye away from it, rejecting those ideals is a subversive thing.

To take things another step, being yes blatantly, wonderfully and provocatively dressed at any time as a fat person is a subversive act. In the act of putting something on that hugs your fat belly, that shows the shape of your fat ass, or your fat back, to show your fat arms is an act of eyes open middle finger flying defiance.

The refusal to quietly put on your sack cloth and walk around with your shoulders up around your ears and your back bent, the refusal to be invisible and therefore non confrontational is a difficult thing to do.

Now if you choose to make this statement via classically tailored clothes and pearls that's just fine. If you choose to make this statement in a tight brightly colored dress (I'm looking at you), that is great.

The fact is ladies gents and all in between that there is no absolute correct way of expressing yourself be it sexually, visually what have you.

What is wrong, is the idea that us policing each other based on what our personal desires and tastes are.

Again it comes down to what I feel is a lack of respect.

If you cannot respect another person enough to either give them the benefit of the doubt or at least ask before proclaiming them wrong what it is they are up to, fuck you. No really fuck you.

To be more frank, I am too old to put up with this sort of fuckery in my small slice of universe. I do not put up with it.

Speaking to my own experience and how I present myself, how I look day to day has changed some what.

Generally speaking these days I am very plain aging office goth. Especially in the winter because I'm a wimp and do not want to be colder than need be. As the weather warms up, you will see me in my natural habitat as I am today, stompy boots, floofy skirts (mid calf prepink Torrid pixie hemmed skirt of awesome), hoody. I also as we know love make up. And today I am rocking the fuck out of some very red shiny lips.

Sometimes do I wear tight clothes? Shit yes I do.

Does this change who I am or how I feel about who I am? Not so much.

I long ago gave up the idea that wearing looser clothing could fool anyone (especially myself) into thinking that I am not a Fat. Fabulous. Femme.

Because yanno know what? I am.

As a queer person I spent some time struggling with and trying my damnedest not to be Femme because as the women around me would tell it, my femmeness was not born of my own soul but a construct of the Patriarchy to which I was clearly and sadly beholden.

Now that I'm older I realize that they were clearly misguided. Perhaps their own forays into Femme were born of that but mine clearly were not.

Granted I have no scientific back up here but, if something has been intrinsically and deeply true of a person since toddler hood, chances are it is not an outside construct.

Even when as a wee tot I was determined to grow up and be Super Man my plan included time for tiaras, ass kicking AND high heels. However I was devastated to find out I would not in fact grow up to be Super Man because he was a boy and I was not. I got over that part because oh HAY I discovered I had a vagina which is a whole other entry.

I did a lot of dress up and pretending as a kid, I was an only child at the time and filled many hours armpit deep in boxes of tatters from the thrift store. I can say with absolute certainty that my love of my own femmeness, that my expression of that femmeness has matured but at the heart of it is still a 4 year old girl in nothing but plastic crystal crusted fake high heels, tiara and boa.

And you know what?

That is wonderful. It is a wonderful fantastic thing for me.

Your presentation, your femmeness, your butchness, your androgyne lipstick wearing-ness, your transness, your genderqueerness, your masculine femininity, your feminine masculinity, your hard ass shit kicking masculinity is also a wonderful and beautiful thing.

We can be unified in a message if we are different in our delivery of that message. And I will not tell you to fuck off. As with many things in life, show me some respect and I will show you respect in return.

We do not have to be enemies. I would venture to say that judgement, and disrespect among the rank and file are a far bigger threat to feminists and the like than any outside force.

Okay I'm done.

I think tomorrow I am going to talk about an interesting conversation I had with someone about having a fat lover.

Also something SUPER FUCKING AWESOME coming up, I will announce it soon but I am excited like WHOA.

I hope you all my darlings, homies and haters had a good Vday however you celebrate it. If you celebrated solo I do hope you wanked until you could wank no more, had a tasty meal and good sleep. If you had partner(s) to play with, giggity giggity baby.

Blogging was uber light last week due to rampant insomnia, I can't write properly when I'm that tired.

I'm off to a good start this week 7 straight hours of sleep yo!

Also Uniballer as a Vday pressie is looking for me a new camera since I broke mine with some drunken revelry.

Also coming soon, MOAR SEX.

I got an awesome question from a man who if he lived withint ass grabbing distance would SO be my gay boyfriend. But since he lives on another continent I will have to be satisfied with giving him some sexy times instructions.

Now I am going to drink my fantastic Kona coffee (fresh French Press FTW), eat some fantastic dark chocolate.

I emailed a few people who I don't think got them because my home internets connection has been on the fritz. more mail later.

Homo Out.

Tags: annoyed fat girl, afrosphere, sexuality

Stumble It!

Oh my good lord.

So officially Monk gives me a tingle in my lady parts. This post quite a bit of it made me go, eeeeezomg in my pants.

Honestly, I have entirely lost my train of thought.

That turns me on something fierce.

Excuse me for a moment while I stop having really filthy mental images.

Okay sorry back to our regular programming kthnks.

OH now I remember what I wanted to talk about.

I have a friend who's a magnificent artist and I am sort of kind of thinking about commissioning her this next year to do a nudie painting of me.

That reminds me I do have some arty nudes I may or may not upload to Flickr that Uniballer took a couple years ago.

I have seen myself from angles that are not entirely possible unless you're a contortionist. It feels really nice to have seen them. Some of them I was like Oh GOD NO. But I've calmed down.

There's one I like a lot that he took of me while I was sleeping with my butt out of the covers, it's sort of a from behind and below type shot and he uses it as wallpaper on his media player so I see it all the time.

And I realized the other night while I was settling into bed and he was setting up our bedtime movies that I really like it. My butt looks quite round and soft with a neat little um, foldy area under the cheeks.

It is really wonderful and I hate to use this word because I hate it, empowering to see myself that way and have the objective thought that hay, that's a pretty goddamn picture.

And before I forget hello to the shy non-commenter who emailed me.

And YES Anthony Bourdain. I have been harboring a serious lust for him for awhile now.

Sorry I digress. My brain is stuck on fucking random today.

Anyway. I was talking to a friend about things like nudie pictures and whatnot and she commented that, she'd never ever let anyone see or take a naked picture of her. It made me really sad. Even more sad when she began the litany of sins her body has committed against being attractive apparently.

Her list included but was not limited to:

• Stretch marks


• Asymmetrical boobs


• Acne scars


• Poochy Belly


• Cellulite


• Bony/flat bottom

The list goes on but I can't really bring myself to say anymore about it.

I gently asked her if she's ever seen non airbrushed, average women naked. Ever in her life. She said no. I find that terribly terribly sad. I think so many women would benefit enormously from seeing other regular women naked. Not just naked, but naked in a sexual I am about to do it kind of way. Not because I want all women to get down with each other, but more so women can see and know that beauty is not confined to those of the flawless skin, perfect boobs and airbrushed butts.

If you ask anyone who is doing it with a woman, (gay straight whatever) ask them about what the woman who rules their pants looks like when she's about to get down. Chances are you will see some eyes lighting up as recollections of beauty go from brain to groin and back. I will bet you five dollars.

My point is that whether you are airbrushed hot perfection on a bun, or not so airbrushed hot perfection on a bun, you're fine. No really you are.

As the object of sexual desire of someone, be that another person, yourself whatever you are fucking perfect. Know that, own it. Go rub yourself with it for reals.

I think this is especially important for women who's bodies have been marginalized to the point of invisibility. Not just fat women, but women with body shapes that are viewed as "flawed" by the mainstream.

I can't even begin to explain how freeing and wonderful it is to me to put images of real women in front of myself and see them as sexual beautiful beings. I think a lot of women are still at some level of the mind that they are not allowed to be sexual whenever they feel like it.

That they aren't "allowed" to show their sexual side because other people have it ingrained in their mind that their bodies are not fit to be seen in the light.

That is fucking bullshit.

Double fucking shenanigans.

Those are not rules I think you my darling need to follow if you don't want to. If you want to walk around with your fat ass, or your flabby thighs, and your bony whatever, and exude the quintessential Sex Goddess type vibe. Do it. You don't have to ask, you don't have to hide, you don't have to lose those last ten pounds.

As my Great Grandmother said when I sent her a picture of me from the first time I very seriously got myself dolled up in a grown up way (as in sexy sexy sexy) she called me and said, "Don't ever hide that light under a bushel." Yes I know she misused the aphorism but the idea holds.

All this said I am going to go dig in my archives of doom for one or two of the arty black and white nudies. And post them to Flickr.

Feel free to look for those later on tonight.

With that.

Homo Out.

PS...I am way too into Twitter.

Stumble It!

Oh such fun.

Karnythia had a post over at The Angry Black Woman today asking about catcalling in response to an article at CNN.

Ladies, ladies ladies. Not all of you, I love a lot of you but you that said this:

"Yeah, it's objectifying and all, but you know, if I walked down the street and didn't have men looking me up and down and catcalling, I'd think, 'Boy, I must really be getting old and dumpy,' " she said.

Um..wait what?

Ooh okay.

Ready my friends?

First of all, I find it to be a sad and disturbing thing that someone needs strange dudes to validate their youth and non-dumpiness. Bonus points for equating old and dumpy. And super extra bonus points for making old and dumpy seem like yanno the be all end all of TEH EBUL!

I don't even want to get further into that. You my fantastic readers are smart. I can almost hear the chorus of "what the shit" even now.

I will however discuss the absurdities I've faced and witnessed at the hands of men and boys who indulge themselves in catcalling.

But first a foray into my own love of you got it, cockcalling. You read that right. I have a distinct and sadistic love of making men who behave like jack asses squirm. There are many reasons including, I'm mean and well I'm mean. I look young. I also look sweet and unless you know me, you might be shocked at what comes out of my mouth sometimes.

We all know by now(if you've read me for any amount of time) that I curse enough to make a sailor blush and purse his lips.

So since I was probably 14 or so I have been known to say gross and objectifying things to random men. Usually not unprovoked, usually in response to whatever gross objectifying thing they just said. Mainly because I can.

My response to catcalling, oh my darlings it's fun. I will say some of the foulest most disgusting things with a sweet smile and a straight face. I know I've talked about it before but here are some of my favorites.

And remember, always bonus points for the dead pan stare and monotone, 2 points for the raised eyebrow and speaking in that horrible slow tone that says you're fucking stupid, and super extra bonus points if you make a scene and/or make said males friends laugh at him.

Most recently:

Picture this, I am walking as fast as my wee legs will carry me down the sidewalk towards Bartells because I am having an allergy emergency. My eyes are burning, I'm positive my expression is less than "Oh HAI DOOD" and I see a silver car swerve into the parking lot in front of me. I keep walking. Boy in car turns down his music a little and yells, "HEY BABYGIRL YOU WANT A RIDE?"

Now from the looks of him I'm probably at least a few years older than him, and really fucking annoyed. I stop dead in my tracks and turn slowly, while removing my sunglasses. He smiles and I scowl. And say loudly:

"Do I LOOK like I want a fucking ride? Are you trying to make me late for fucking work? If I miss my fucking bus because of your stupid ass I am going to key your fucking car."

Boy..*blink* he proceeds to ask me why I gotta be like that, and he was just trying to be nice. I ask him in my best monotone you're a dickhead and a moron voice, "didn't your mother ever tell you not to get into cars with strangers?" And then my very favorite:

"DO I look like I'm fucking hooking you fuck?"

He drives off, I make it into Bartells snickering and find allergy medication.

Men who catcall rarely if ever expect to be greeted by rudeness or crudity. And I take full advantage of that fact. I give the finger, I will call names. Some of my other favorite come backs include:

*insert catcall here* Guy turns to buddy and says, "Must be a dyke" I will turn and look the guy up and down say: "I am now". Smart guys catch it, the dumb ones don't.

Other favorite, guy says something. Give him a slow very slow once over all the while shaking your head slightly and muttering no under your breath.

Another favorite is the not a word blank unblinking stare. People will think you're crazy. And most people don't fuck with you if you're crazy.

My other point here is that (again, I say this all the time) if you act like an asshole don't expect a blowjob and cookies.

Furthermore, if you are a man and you expect "ladylike" behavior don't be pissed off if you don't get it.

Switching gears what is okay?

Boys you know I love you, I love the cock we know this. And because of that love I will give you some pointers when approaching a lady for what you hope is a conversation that might lead to eventual sex.

Let's say you see said pretty lady walking and she's not exactly hurrying but not walking slowly. Do not step into her path and get in her face. From a polite and respectful but within earshot and say, "Excuse me Miss Lady?" If she wants to talk to you she will acknowledge that you spoke to her. If not she will probably look at you and look away. Or shake her head or something pay attention.

If she does pause to talk to you because you're looking fly, stand not too close to her and for the love of fluffy bunnies do not touch her. Say something like,

"I'm sorry I stopped you, but I think you are beautiful."

Then shut the hell up.

If the beautiful lady is interested she will probably let you know. If she says thanks and walks away let it go.

Let's say you're in the coffee shop and you see, BAM hot lovely lady. You can say about the same thing. The theme here is boys, don't be gross. Don't be lewd unless the venue calls for it. Never say things like this (I shit you not people these are things men have said to me)

In the porn store with a friend we were buying gay porn (mmm porn) and this guy taps me on the shoulder and points to the rack of the magazine "Black Tail" and asks if I was the centerfold the previous month. At first I just shook my head and went back to my porno perusing, and had he let it go everything would have been fine. However he bugged me for twenty goddamn minutes and completely ruined my porn buying evening.

Sadly the only means of escape other than leaving which we didn't feel like doing was me sweet talking a stripper into free drink and admission coupons to the strip club upstairs. My gay was at first kind of horrified cause OMFG PUSSY, but he had fun anyway because OH HAY BOOBIES.

Another time while I was waiting for a hot butch to get off of work and take me out, I was chilling outside Westlake mall downtown, drinking some coffee and reading when this guy walks up to my table and announces his intention to do something or other with me. I decline, tell him I'm waiting for someone.

Everything would have been fine if he hadn't said, "don't tell me you're a lesbo."

And yeah, my reaction was not nice nor was it pretty. I said very loudly yes I AM a lesbian and my wife would not appreciate you speaking to me like that. Yes I was LOUD.

Then hot butchness walked up and he mistook her for a dude, said something about fuckin dykes. And she said, "Why yes I am going to fuck that dyke." We laughed, he walked away sort of drooping.

Boys, even if you have super fantastic game there are do's and don'ts to work off of. Don't touch women you don't know. Don't get in the face of a woman you don't know.

Do be goofy, be funny, be silly be hot and smooth if you wanna but just don't be a fucking douchebag. Else you may one day face the verbal wrath of a woman like me and you really don't want that do you know.

You get my point.

I have fat related stuff to talk about, shocking I know but I don't feel like it right this minute.

So go over and check out my last outfit post at Flickr. No make up and cranky for the win.

I'll probably upload some pictures of my fantastic make up later on as well.

And yeah another post later it's a brewing.

Homo Out.

Tags: amused, annoyed fat girl, sexuality, rambling

Stumble It!

A tribute to a seducer.

For all of the insane strange sex I've had in my life, I've not been one to be easily seduced by many. I don't typically enjoy the game of seduction. At least not from scratch.

However, I have never shied away from playing the role myself. In fact I have more than once prided myself on my ability to play the game and get myself into the pants of someone.

Except for a boy let's call Blue. So called because htat was his favorite color and he wore something blue (other than his hair) every single day.

Blue and I met randomly in the UW Bookstore while each muttering while perusing some shelf or another. There was no instant tzzzt electrical connection between us. I thought he was attractive but at the time I wasn't really into the penis. But that didn't stop me from accepting his offer of coffee at the coffee shop where we could smoke and talk about books.

Now we all know I am an absolute sucker for the big brains, bonus points if said brains are presented in a charming funny way. He delivered.

We spent a very long afternoon and evening lolling in uncomfortable chairs, drinking coffee and smoking many cigarettes while we debated the merits of going out of your way to buy UK imprints of British authors (I am firmly PRO going out of your way), and he wound ihs way to flattery.

I may occasionally say that flattery will get you everywhere with me but it's seldom true. Yes you might get to touch a boob or see one but as for actually getting me naked or opening the door to naked probably not. However he was clever enough to sprinkle his flattery of my skin and lips, right in the tasty mix of glowering at me for my strong opinions on ugly over decorative typeface in books.

I was pretty well able to keep it in my pants at that point. We made arrangements to hang out after I got off of work a few days later. Instead of the U district we headed for one of my favorite (at the time) dives the Hurricane and drank more coffee and lolled in banquettes smoking and giving each other the eye.

This is where the serious seducing started. He draped himself in my lap in the booth, normally I don't exactly want to cuddle with strangers but I humoured him. He demanded to be stroked and petted, fed French Fries which made me laugh. But what did it ladies and gents was the habit he had of running his fingers up and down the inside of my forearm while we talked.

That doesn't work for everybody so don't get any funny ideas. Some people that would get punched in the neck but he was rewarded with a little more unspoken permission.

We saw each other a few times a week for about a month. He was very quick to notice when whatever sort of petting he was doing made me the slightest bit squirmy in the pants or as he put it, "turned my mouth" which to this day I have no idea what he meant.

That's when it became a game. A very drawn out game. he stroked my arm, I flicked his lower lip. He turned and kissed my neck, I tickled his ribs. I let him make me blush, he stole more kisses. For months that's all that happened and to tell the truth I was pretty happy with it. I'd not had that sort of playful almost but not quite sexual relationship with anyone in a long time and I enjoyed it.

After months of this, and then a period of us not being able to see each other the next time we got together he had a look. Some people no matter how smooth they are have a tension in their facial muscles when they have gotten to the point where lust and a slight bit of anger have fused together into absolute need.

For the first time I felt a rush of power in watching him. The tables weren't quite turned but, I felt the power of watching him be wanting and too much of a gentleman to be demanding. I discovered my love of the tease.

I love being a cock/cunt tease on occasion and I am very good at it.

With him, I played like I didn't notice. Even though we spent the better part of a Saturday afternoon half dressed in his bed, I played. I played until he held my face in his hands and kissed me with actual purpose.

There is a big difference between the playful not quite there yet kisses I like to call Puppy Kisses and someone kissing another person with the clear intention of making them tingly int he pants and then getting down in said pants. A huge difference.

Maybe that's what I'd been waiting for. Just to see if he'd get there or if we'd eventually part ways having never consummated a by then mutual simmering lust. Either way I think I would have been happy, however I was delighted.

To that point my still exploratory sex life I had been missing having any experience with a very determined and skilled male lover. I had experienced the determined groping of post adolescent boys who thought they had skills but nothing like Blue.

From that kiss onward for the first time I let him really seduce me. It was fantastic. We actually slept together on and off for months.

I was reminded of this because of a man I saw on the bus today. He had the same kind of posture and set to his mouth.

And I did say I'd be smutty.

Good times people.

I will admit I do miss being single and my exploratory romps with naked people. I also miss in a way being fairly ambivalent about whether or not I was actually getting laid at all.

That is to say I really miss having the time and privacy to masturbate for however long I felt like it. There is really something to be said for spending a whole day in bed playing with yourself.

On that note, I'm off to make tea and ogle boots.

My fondness for boots is becoming a fetish in the my girly pink bits get tingly when I see the right pair of boots. Tingly and moist.

I'm really thinking more and more I should start myself a boot fetish site. The thought has been in the back of my mind for ages. Why not merge things I enjoy, photography, boots, my own ass and the internet.

And I could possibly write off boot purchases which would make my cervix quiver with glee.

Ok now I'm really done.

Homo Out.

Tags: sexuality, self love, experience, sex

Stumble It!

Actually I'm not done yet.

I'm reading the Janus Report right now and absolutely HAVE to say something about some of it.

Little to no mention of socio-economic status in the sample groups is mentioned at all except briefly in relation to prostitution. That annoys me. Also race isn't brought up when I am fairly certain mention of that would probably change some of results.

Also the chapter on deviant sexual behavior is appallingly skimpy not to mention misleading.

In relation to kink most of their data and the anecdote they include (they include personal stories sprinkled through the report, i imagine so the lay person relates better) and a LOT of the stories they have chosen to feature seem off to me.

The Pro Domme who says that her clients are "crazy" for wanting vibrators or other things in their asses. I have met, read and observed a lot of sex workers and a good many Dommes and the ones with that sort of dismissive, flippant attitude I've found to be lacking.

How the FUCK as a supposedly professional sex worker (legalities aside for now) can you actually believe a man is crazy for wanting his asshole stimulated? How do you become a "top madam" (another bone to pick but I'll save that for later) without understanding male physiology?

If you're not a man or aren't all into the men let me fill you in. Men have a prostate gland that can be easily accessed for stimulation you guessed it, in their butts. Some men (lots of men) find that to be incredibly wonderful. NO they aren't crazy, stupid, inherently gay or whatever. It'd be like telling a woman she's "crazy" for wanting her GSpot stimulated.

Also their terminology seems if not dated than slightly wrong.

Golden showers referred to as "waterworks". maybe I"m just too young but I have never in my life heard golden showers spoken of as "waterworks". Water Sports yeah but come on now.

Also it seems to me that they inferred that men are the vast majority of kinky people, and that the female Top is a thing of myth and scarcity. Um. No.

And (maybe I'm reaching here but I don't think so) men who do seek out kink according to the study are relegated to finding prostitutes willing to indulge them all the while debasing themselves.

They included prostitution as a "deviant" act and I might have to stop reading this for awhile because I find that offense on so many levels I can't even START.

Ok I can.

First of all I am a firm believer that if sex work were not vilified, demonized, and illegal a good 90% of the problems surrounding it would be solved. If you had to go through an employment screening and process to be a sex worker would you be at such a high risk for violence?

If I wanted to be a prostitute, (and yes there have been times I wanted to) as a sentient human fucking being with all her faculties I would VASTLY prefer to work in an environment with security, mandatory STD screening, where I could pay taxes, get paychecks, be able to get health insurance all those things that you can get when you work a good job.

Also can we face facts? Prohibition of ANY kind in America tends to make problems worse and not solve them.

If the sex industry was a regulated, taxed, monitored thing, how many women and men would be safe? Would maybe, instead of burning out or disappearing into the streets be able to safely leave that profession if they choose?

Even if you have no interest in sex work look at it this way, no one is going to kill you when you're IT knowledge gets a little behind the times are they?

So yeah I have beef with how this study is presented.

If you are going to talk about sex work in the context of American Sexuality why not talk to more than the one who thinks men are nuts for liking a certain kind of stimulus and the other one who's life story revolves around tragedy?

Why not talk to a happy hooker? They do exist.

Or what about the guy who goes to a hooker not because he's some super kinky weirdo but maybe he's not able to get laid otherwise? Maybe he's old or thought to be ugly.

Or what about the lady who gets herself a hot butch escort?

Maybe she just wanted to get fucked by a gentleman who'll not only not call in the morning but who will make her come until she can't see straight.

Ok.

Sorry.

Got frothy round the mouth there.

So right. My point is I do not like how this study is presented at all. The data seems to be at least fairly not suspect but the presentation sucks if you are coming at it from a sex radical POV or if you are looking for a more in depth and clearer picture rather than the uber generic Men/Women- it is just not doing it.

I am infuriated.

And I'm done now.

And I have to take meds because the running up and down stairs all day yesterday has me hurting in the (crapass) knee area.

Deviant Homo Out.

Tags: daily crap, rants, sexuality, books, sex

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Ranty beasty

So I've been reading the news which isn't something I spend free time doing generally. A few articles and my take .

The headline from CNN Study: Sex of any kind can harm teens emotionally: So someone has finally figured out that if you talk to your teenagers openly and honestly about sex it might make them feel okay doing it.

For FUCK sake. Are we seriously only just now figuring that out?

I find this quote to be heartening though:

"In contrast, boys' sexuality and sexual behavior is generally accepted," Brady and Halpern-Felsher pointed out. "Parents can play an important role in helping to eliminate this double standard by encouraging respect for women and discouraging the use of derogatory sexual terms."

But come ON it's 2007.

Okay let's be honest here folks. Between us grown ups we know goddamn well (you too parents) that folks young and old like doing things with their parts. They like having them touched, they like touching them. And we all know by now that abstinence only sex education really doesn't work.

What works is giving teenagers the respect they deserve. What works is treating them like sentient human fucking beings and not smaller versions of their parents. What works is giving them the opportunity to learn about and figure out their own personal sexuality without tainting it.

That means STOP fucking molesting kids.
That means STOP fucking with their heads about sexual issues.
That means STOP skirting the issue.

That means tell kids the truth. This is a penis, this is a vagina, this is an anus. You get my drift.

And don't wait until your son is beating off six times a day and feeling guilty about it or your daughter is in the bathroom crying trying to figure out what to do with a tampon. When your child asks where do babies come from that child will let you now when he or she has heard enough. Believe me. Kids are very aware of their own limits if only people would stop fucking with them.

Teach your children to know and understand their bodies before they go crazy with hormones and whatnot.

If you are unable to provide the basic human necessity of education. Take them somewhere or to someone who can. Yes, that means you might have to buck up and go to a clinic. I really don't suggest taking a teenager to your aged family physician who can hardly say vagina much less discuss what to do with one.

I'm not saying hand your kids the Kama Sutra and let them wild.

I'm saying give your children the POWER to make an informed conscious decision. THe best defense against the evils of the world is not dogma and fear. It is power and knowledge.

Imagine this if you will.

Your gay 15 year old son is on a date. His date gets grabby and wants to go barebacking in the park. Your son because of the knowledge and support you've given him looks at his hot piece of ass and says, it's not safe to do it unprotected. If you don't have a condom let's jerk off.

How fucking AWESOME would that be? Your kid, balls out protecting his health and enjoying himself? Don't like that one try this one.

Your 17 year old bisexual vegan daughter is on a date with a heterosexual 19 year old boy. Maybe you're not all into it but, because you know you've taught your daughter well and she is a capable smart young woman you're not worried. Boyfriend gets grabby, starts to tell her all about how he's going to die of blueballs calls her a tease. Your hot ass daughter says: I don't want to have unprotected sex or give you oral sex unprotected. Let's get each other off and go get tested. Or you can fuck off.

YEAH YEAH YEAH. That's YOUR babygirl. Would that not just be amazing?

One more situation for you.

You have a 15/16 year old boy/girl who is not sure if he/she likes girls/boys/anything. Your child feels wierd and out of place because he/she isn't out humping everything that moves like his/her friends might be percieved as doing. THen instead of feeling weird your son/daughter decides to stay a virgin until he/she figures out what is best for her/him.

YEAH.

What I'm saying here people is if nothing else, you tell your children the truth. DOn't put it in a religious context which I know is hard. You can add your beliefs but as we all know just because Mom and Dad believe it little junior might not. Think of it not as promoting wanton sluttery but giving your child armor. And making DAMN sure your baby knows how to work his or her brain.

Okay now. For those who don't have these fabulous dream parents I have links. Hell I have links for you grown ups who aren't quite ready for janesguide yet.

Scarletteen pants down one of the best and most informative sites out there.

OutProud. I love what they say right at the beginning, for queer and questioning youth.

YouthResource another amazing resource. For sexuality, help, health advocacy. Good stuff right here.

Some of you may be wondering why there are such things. The reason is tht a lot of adults just plain suck. And when you're young and scared, you need a place to go. If your parents can't get the job done right there are other people who can.

Okay enough of my ranting for now.

Homo Out.

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