Right now my body is a size that means I have some degree of thin privilege.
Not a whole bunch but some.
This was my outfit from the other day.
I am not really as small as I look sometimes because of how I wear my clothes but I am not visually obviously still fat. It is quite a thing.
If you ask most medical professionals I am about to drop dead any minute.
Ask me and I’m borderline close to being too small to feel comfortable.
That aside, I am relearning how to use my degree of thin privilege to further my ideas about bodies and fatness.
Not too long ago an indie designer I have admired for a very long time sent me a message on tumblr to tell me that something or other of theirs was back in stock, I had commented on a post about it months ago.
I went off to look and saw that their current sizing is bizarre. As in their size L had an upper measurement of a 30″ waist and 38″ hip.
So this person from looking at some photos of me assumes that I am relatively normatively sized and when I asked them privately about their jacked up sizing, they asked what I was worried for?
Well a.) the size L would be too small for me and b.) I am here for fat people.
Even though I am not currently sized out of a lot of clothes, I am still sized out of a lot of clothing I like. So I get my foot in because I have some thin privilege and then I start talking about fat folks and I still will not accept that making clothes for fat or really fucking fat people is impossible.
Size matters regardless of what size I am.
Said designer isn’t speaking to me anymore.
What irritates the shit out of me is the presumption that in order to care about a thing, in this case fatness you have to exemplify the thing.
Even if you didn’t know that I was fatter at one point, the thing to know is that my point is still valid.
Why isn’t this available in bigger sizes is a serious question.
What irritates me even more is that now that I look not fat, (not thin but not really fat) people want to listen to what I have to say. I don’t like it. You should have listened when I was fucking fat.
At least fat in the someone looks at me and knows I’m fat kind of way.
Given that I don’t wield a lot of privilege in other ways, I am kind of enjoying learning to use it as a weapon. For good that is.
I will say that while I do have this bit of thin privilege I can’t say that I identify with thinness or even average-ness on a personal level.
Being that my perspective on body politics is a fat shaped (both identity and physically) lens, I am finding it easier to reject the idea that I am supposed to be happy with my weight loss or talk about it positively. Emotionally that has actually made the change in my body way easier to deal with and talk about in a truthful manner.
The truth is I am still not thrilled about it. I am accepting it as something my body decided to do and trying to maintain my health without bullshit.
But I am not really happy about it and that is okay.
This is something I’ve settled on fairly recently. Trying to deal with my negative feelings about my weight coupled with being uncertain if I should keep talking fatness etc was rough on me.
And then of course I went back to some core FA things.
- The size of my ass doesn’t change who I actually am.
- Smaller ass does not miraculously make life better.
Concepts that I have talked about for years and really needed to remind myself of in recent times.
It will never get old to have that core to fall back on when shit gets rough regardless of the actual size of my ass.
Let this be my perhaps monthly reminder that Fat Acceptance is good for everyone.